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Rhune
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Manly Thoughts
« on: Oct 14th, 2002, 11:04am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
I have been putting these under recaps, but they are good enough that I think they should be highlighted.  So, I'm putting Episode 4's here, and you can find the past ones under the individual recaps (like Episode 3 Recaps) here in the gossip forum.
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Survivor Episode 4: Grumbles and Immaturity
« Reply #1 on: Oct 14th, 2002, 11:35am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode4.html
 
This show was nothing but one big grump-fest. On their way back from tribal council, the rain gods once again frown upon Team Skateboard as the rain pounds and the thunder roars. Penny might have said, "Hey guys, the other tribe says it doesn't rain over there. You think we might want to sacrifice some squid to the rain gods?"
 
She was ignored, of course. (Or was she...?) Instead, they just mumble about the tribal council. Robb says he was pretty shocked that Shii Ann didn't go despite everyone but Stephanie telling him that the lazy-ass would be booted. Penny says that they made a good choice and the gods thunder and rain some more as they seem to be listening to every word she says.
 
Stephanie continues to sleep in the rain as the others crowd into their shelter and wonder if sleeping in the rain causes people to turn into complete bitches.
 
In the morning, Penny walks over to Stephanie with some kindling and says, "Good mornin'," and Stephanie looks at her like, "Die, you cheerful slut." Stephanie complains to the cameras, "They got rid of Jed. Piss on 'em." Then she wonders out alone onto the beach to grumble some more until she notices...
 
The gods must have heard Penny's sacrifice-the-squid comment. But of course, Stephanie just gets more pissed, "God-damn tropical road-kill." She picks one up much like they do in Arkansas and trudges over to the camp and flops the slimy thing into a wok. She says nothing to anyone and they all stare at her like, "Did the gods also shove one of those up your ass?"
 
She trudges out to get another one and Jake notices, "Find any more?"
 
"Yeah, you guys ain't even lookin'. They're layin' right here in front of you."
 
Penny smiles at her like, "You know, when I was a cheerleader in college, they taught us to fake smile. That's what I'm doing right now to you, you bitch."
 
Jake replies to Stephanie, "Well, actually we've been cleaning the pots."
 
"All of you? All five of you?"
 
Stephanie has a point, but still, she doesn't have to have such an attitude. The others wonder aloud why she's so bitchy. Jake says she hasn't wanted to be a part of the tribe since day one.  
 
Erin says something about how she should just suck it up so she can stay longer on the island but all I can think about is this lengthy discussion thread over on the SurvivorSucks boards where many people think Erin is a male who's had a sex change. I, personally, don't think so but it's still pretty dang funny to read everyone's comments and especially to see some of the pictures (one of which is shown below, for which I apologize to Erin). Go check it out: Dude? Erin. Dude!!!
 

 
(Erin, if you're reading this, you're a babe. I love your exotic look. I'm hoping you have a sense of humor about this, because there's no way you were once a man. The general American public are dolts when it comes to dealing with women who have breast implants. I hope you understand this.)
 
The Old People Give Us a Lesson in Immaturity
Over at Team Church Social, the mood is equally grim. Ted, understandably, refuses to forget Ghandia's accusations and thus he despises her. Ghandia refuses to accept Ted's apology and maybe possibly admit that she might've been mistaken at least a little bit and that she has destroyed the entire tribe's morale and unity. Everyone is tired and listless and this just makes the situation worse. It's kind of like a giant Calvin walked through their camp and stomped all over everything.
 

 
Jan speaks about this off-camera while the others do various non-significant morning rituals, which mostly is just them sort of sitting around in a tired daze because they don't have their coffee. Ghandia "brushes" her teeth with sand. Ted stands alone in the water, sort of doing nothing...
 
Wait a minute...
 
Ah ha! What else is the first thing people do in the morning?
 
And now I'm screwed up because ever since this image came to mind I can't help but to wonder what people are REALLY doing in that water.
 
Ghandia further describes the dismal feeling of the tribe, "I feel like if Chuay Gang was a body, then I'm an arm that got bit off by a shark."
 
Ted hopes that he never ever sees Ghandia again his entire life for what she did to his name, his character and how she tried to "exploit his family" as she did.
 
The Ghandia-bashing continues as the guys all sit around in the water. Clay says to the cameras, "When I first saw Ghandia, I didn't like her. I mean when I first saw, I said 'this is a problem woman' and I was hoping she wasn’t gonna be on my tribe. I saw a lot of trouble with Ghandia."
 
Instead of trying to work out the differences, instead of trying to talk and communicate like adults, the tribe just sits around and looks pissed off and grumpy.  
 
(And do you see what I mean about seeing people in the water? Do you think people would notice the water getting warmer if Ghandia were closer to them?)
 

 
While everyone was chillin' in the cave, Ghandia egged everyone on, "So much love in the cave. You just feel all the love just oozing out of the pores of the cave. Love, Love, love! Love everywhere. Self-sacrificing people living together in this cave... it's just a big lovefest. Even when people don't talk to you they're showing they love you because they're trying to teach you a lesson. And that's love, too. You know?"
 
Helen throws in her 2 cents, "I did work for a rape crisis center for a number of years. I do believe Ghandia's story. I don't believe Ted's side. Ted wants to believe Ted's side. They guys will believe Ted's side. And that's where between the sexes there's a conflict of understanding. Did Ghandia maybe give Ted the wrong impression by being as free as she is? Maybe. Is that an excuse for doing what he did? No. Somewhere in the middle there lies the truth."
 
Being that Helen worked for a rape crisis center where she helped women deal with the second lowest scum on the Earth (child molesters and child abusers being first) on a too-regular basis, I really wouldn't consider her a reliable, unbiased source.
 
Whatever happened, these peoples' obstinateness and refusal to communicate like adults is starting to annoy me. And now, I've talked about this Ghandia/Ted thing far too much. From now on, every time it comes up I'm just going to barf.
 
Barely Alive?
Jan puts another calendar mark on the cave, "Day 10 and I don't know what day of the week it is, but we've been here 10 days. And we're STILL alive!"
 
Ten days.
 
In Survivor Africa, those people had to drink but maybe a cup or two of gritty, elephant piss water each day. They had a handful or two of a cornmeal mush. At least two of the tribe members had to stay awake all night or risk being freaking eaten. There was only dust and dirt; no grass, no greenery, no water to swim in. And every day the temperature was over 100 degrees with absolutely no shade. I know that everyone booted off Survivor comments about how hard it is, but come on. It's only been 10 days. With all the cocunut and seafood, they've been eating healthier than most single men. I just don't understand how this can be so draining on everyone.  
 
If someone would like to sponsor me, I'd be very willing to take a few weeks off work and go live off the land on a tropical island. Ideally, I'd also be surrounded by babes with 0% body fat while also getting to play various games and puzzles in a team environment, but that's not entirely necessary for my experience. I'll write a lengthy report and I'll sell my memoirs on ebay for everyone to read. Seriously. Are there any sugar-mommas or sugar-daddies out there willing to finance an interesting book?
 
Nonetheless, I just can't feel all sympathetic for these people after less than two weeks.
 
The Tribes Play with Dolls
Clay checks the cave-mail and finds a stuffed voodoo doll roughly twice his size. And a banana. (Also twice his size...?)
 
Helen drools over the banana, "It looked like... heaven" (hey, I'm just reporting what I see and hear) as Clay unrolls the reward challenge announcement. It says that the challenge involves carrying the dummy through some sort of course, but they first have to "dress him up and give 'em a name."
 
We switch over to Team Skateboard as they all mumble annoyed at each other about their dummy - if it's a boy or girl, how it should be dressed up, and so on. They stare at the dummy in silence. Jake puts his face in his hands, "I picked the younger, stronger tribe, but god-DAMN are they a bunch of bitches."
 
Team Church Social responds to their dummy exactly opposite. They welcome this reason to focus their attention on something other than "barf" and they jump into it with glee. They name it, "Chuay Gal."
 
Back to Team Bitch, as everyone else eyes various feminine-type clothing (Jake holds up a grass skirt), Stephanie says, "I think we should make it a pirate because that's what this island is all about." I thought this was a good idea.  
 
Apparently, they had to edit out a bunch of crap because we soon see Ken lying down with a smile, thinking, "I'm not getting in the middle of this bitch-fest." Shii Ann bites her tongue and stares at the ground, frustrated. Robb wants to name it, "Ghengis Dude" after Ghengis Khan from Mongolia. Or maybe it was just "Ghengis" followed by the requisite "dude." Hard to tell.
 
We quickly flash back to Team Church Social and Chuay Gal is already done. They jumped into it, put all their creative energy into the task, and created one smokin' 7-foot-tall, 250-pound island babe.
 
Back to Team Bitch. Their dummy is now leaning against a pole all alone, not even touched. Fashion designer Stephanie pulls out her notepad and then proceeds to fashion the dummy after her remarkably artistic sketch (below). It ended up being Stephanie doing all the work. Everyone else just sat around and watched.
 
Shii Ann explained, "Oh, Stephanie didn't want any help. No, she didn't want any help. And he looks great. Don't get me wrong. But it was by no means a team effort."
 
Ken says that he wants to win the reward challenge for two reasons;  
1) "Because we don't want to die" (It's only been TEN DAYS! UGH!) "and  
2) because we want to get the morale back up."
 
In other words, he hopes that if Stephanie eats, she won't be such a bitch.
 
Reward Challenge
Before the challenge begins, Robb says that the name of their dummy is something I couldn't understand which is something else I couldn't understand backwards. Stephanie almost cracks her face and smiles because she knows, just like those on the Early Show pointed out, that she designed her dummy after the REAL dummy of the tribe... Robb.
 

 
The teams must carry their dummy around and over an island. The winner gets a bunch of bananas (some ripe, some not - they'll last a long time) and a mystery food reward that will be waiting for them back at their camp. (More squid?)
 
Team Skateboard gets out to an early lead and never looks back. On their way up a steep hill, Team Church Social all but died in the first 10 feet. Team Skateboard easily won.
 
"Soup Kitchen wins first food reward!"
 
Team Church Social watches on in pain as the first bananas are eaten orgasmically. Hearing these sounds of love, Clay attempts to mate with Chuay Gal and Brian looks on, troubled, because at least he did it on screen with babes with breast implants.
 
Blame Game
Back at Camp Church Social, the brooding music very well sets the tone. Clay says that Ghandia and Jan were finished halfway through the course. He then adds that Ghandia was actually pushing the dummy backwards in order to help herself up the hill.
 
Ghandia describes the scene, "And the boys go off to play the blame game. And the gals go off to get food." She says she's not here to win bananas. She's here to win some money. She complains more about how the men are blaming them for the loss and yada yada.
 
I guess the question is this; If the reason for losing really is because of Ghandia and Jan, can it be called blaming or just telling the truth? And if the reason for losing the first immunity challenge is because Ghandia freaked out and couldn't solve a puzzle, is it wrong to blame her and only her for the loss?
 
Bananas Good - Chickens Stressed
Back at Team Skateboard, Robb continues the banana love-fest double entendres, and I quote, "The banana, it was sweet and it was soft and it was warm..." Stephanie even smiled for the first time on this blasted island. She smiled even more when she talked of the four chickens, "We're gonna see if they lay some eggs and if they don't, then we'll just pull their heads off and eat 'em." It's an Arkansas thing, believe me. I have relations who live in the Ozarks.  
 
Uh oh, Shii Ann said something that might have just pissed off the rain gods. "Oh, thank God we'll have something other than squid to eat." If it rains again, we'll know who to blame.
 
Robb threatens the birds with their lives to lay eggs causing them to become stressed out. PETA begins yet another animal protest - starts making signs; "Reality TV Bad for Chickens!"  
 
Tarzan Get Food - Jane Cook and Clean
Team Church Social polarizes even further. The men hang out on the beach, trade fishing stories, and scratch themselves. They watch a fish struggle in the sand. Even thinking about catching the thing is too much work for them. Back at the camp, the women work to prepare dinner for everyone. Helen wonders aloud, "Hopefully the guys are down looking for clams. I told Clay, 'You know, you can turn over rocks and find clams' so I'm hoping that's what their doing."  
 
Return to the guys and they've decided to lounge in the water. The background music is perfect: backwoods hillbilly banjo.
 
Jan comments to the cameras about how she's concerned that the men aren't pulling their weight with the workload. They aren't offering to help out. "They go out to fish, they come back, their day's over. Well, the women have to clean the house, make sure it's all tidy. Do the breakfast, do the lunch, clean up, do the dishes... so, after awhile, especially when everybody's supposed to be working, that would get on your nerves."
 
Brian jokes to the cameras (but a lot of people seem to have taken him seriously), "I think that's just a natural transition in life - ladies in the kitchen and men take care of business and do all the fishing. Yada yada. They naturally went to their duties, which is cooking and cleaning, and actually, I've got some clothes I need washed, too. Ladies...?"
 
Brian was joking when he said this but it's still pretty clear, the women are doing a lot of work while the guys just lay around on their asses. I honestly don't understand how someone, man or woman, can do this. I never bought into that, "I pay the bills so I expect a clean house and food on the table" crap. When men do this, they suck. And from what I saw in Team Church Social when it comes to laziness, the men suck.
 
If it's not clear to anyone who has read my writings on all the past Survivors, I can't stand lazy people. I can't stand people who sit around while others are working and providing food and shelter for their lazy asses. And I shall repeat what I've already said many times...
 
Lazy people suck.
 
There is one area, however, that I think needs to be clarified. Men do not understand that female need to be overly clean. Women will complain about men not helping out but what they may not be helping do is freaking sweeping out a cave or something similarly whacked. Women sometimes use this as an excuse to insult men, but what we're thinking is, "No, I'm not lazy. I just don't think you should waste your time scouring the kitchen sink, sanitizing the stove, or scrubbing the bathtub every other day."
 
Immunity Challenge
Mr. Probst explains, "Yesterday's reward challenge was, without question, the toughest, physically, that you guys have had to endure. Today, simple... brains. It's a puzzle that dates back thousands of years in Asian culture."
 
Using the various shapes, the tribes must create two images. Two members must solve the first one, then two other members will solve the second.  
 
From these directions, I got the impression that only those two people can work on the puzzle. But actually, the whole tribe could help out. They just couldn't manipulate the pieces. Initially I was wondering if Ghandia would again insist that she be the one to solve the puzzle, thus leading to sure failure, but after I saw how everyone helped out, I guess it didn't really matter.
 
The two tribes took to this challenge with confusion. Team Skateboard worked much more calmly, it seemed, but Ted and Clay (with Helen's "leadership") finished the first picture just a short bit after Jake and Penny.
 
But then Shii Ann and Ken faced off against Jan and Ghandia and there was no contest. Clay shook his head in disgust more than once as he watched the two struggle. Shii Ann and Ken finished the second image before Jan and Ghandia were even close.
 
"Soup Kitchen wins immunity!"
 
Who to vote off?
Ghandia says that she can't decide which person she'd rather vote off, Ted or Clay, "They're basically like Mutt and Jeff, Frick and Frack. You know, they're joined at the hip." Then she talked about needing to convince the girls to vote as a block. She knows that they're voting for her, so she's hoping to have a 3-3 tie as this is "the best chance for survival."
 
Ghandia and Jan mumble about Clay; animosity in the tribe is because of Clay, he's old school mentality, his back's hurting him, he's tired and he takes naps all the time. Ghandia is definitely leading the conversation, but Jan entirely agrees. She says that "Clay is pulling the team apart. It's the guys on one side and the girls on the other. He's the main team-splitter."
 
Ghandia then lobbies with Helen to vote Clay. Helen wonders why not Ted and Ghandia explains that Jan wants to keep Ted for his strength, and she adds, "Now you know I don't agree with that." (Does she feel like she needs to lie about not pushing Jan to vote for Clay because Helen was a rape counselor and wants Ted gone?) But at the end of the conversation, she says, "I'd be so happy tonight if Clay is gone."
 
Off camera, Helen says she's torn about who to vote off. She wants to stay with the girls, but she adds, "I want to stay. I want to play. But it would mean voting Ghandia off tonight. But would I be happy with that? Because I do believe her side of the story. And Clay and Ted are doing less and less every day. It's very obvious. I'm the swing vote."
 
At this point, I thought this was classic Mark Burnett - show us Helen's voting Ghandia off deliberations just to give us the idea that she won't vote with the girls. But if we were to have heard ALL of her deliberations, we would easily know that Helen is voting for Clay.
 
But then I looked at the clock. There isn't enough time in the episode to handle a tie. Oh my gosh! Helen is going to vote off Ghandia. Oh my GOSH!!
 
Tribal Council
Jeff smiles, "Another tribal council."
 
"Ted, how does feel knowing it may be you?" Blah blah.
 
"Clay, what's the toughest aspect right now 12 days in?" Food, tired, blah.
 
"Helen, what kind of toll is it taking on you? She spazzes and goes on a lengthy, super-fast tirade about all the things she's worrying about, "The food, the water, yada yada."
 
"Ghandia, everyone pulling their own weight in this tribe?" Nope.  
 
"Clay, everybody pulling their own weight?" Basically, yup. (I liked how Jeff asked the one person he knows the women are complaining the most about. Jeff must spend a lot of his time watching and listening to the tribes' conversations. If not him, then maybe some lower-paid grunts who then call Jeff over from surfing the internet when things get interesting.)
 
"Jan, what's your take on it?" The tribe is divided, but not during the challenges.
 
Brian was ignored. Well, maybe. In a recent interview with Survivor Marquesas' Tammy, she said that sometimes the tribal councils would go for hours. I wish that CBS would have frequent 2-hour episodes so we can see more of the conversations and less editing. I guess everyone has already heard many times what Brian said since he's the king of clichés (recall the first tribal council where he spewed 5 in one breath).
 
The Votes
Ted voted for Ghandia and we know why. "This vote is personal and I truly, truly hope I never see this person again."
 
We see Jan writing Clay's name down.
 
Clay wrote "Bye bye Denver Diva" and Jeff reprimands him later for not putting a clear name. (He knows who it is because the interns told him, but some viewers may not so he reminds Clay to be TV-friendly.)
 
Brian votes Ghandia.
 
Ghandia votes Clay, "It's between you and me tonight, so let the best person win." She is convinced that there will be a tie.
 
We don't see Helen's swing vote and the tension builds.
 
Knowing that there wasn't time left in the episode to have a tie-breaker, I'm pretty sure Helen went against the girls, to my huge surprise. When they showed that last vote for Ghandia, I was quite pleased. Ghandia was booted off and she was booted off by Helen! Yippee!
 
In Ghandia's final statement, she stated how she built up the men verses woman thing and that she shouldn't have allowed things to blow up, "...but unfortunately the evil Ghandia came to rule her ugly head and the good Ghandia just couldn't stop her."
 
My first reaction to this was, "Whoa. Wait a minute. You mean Ghandia actually realizes what she did?" All this time, I thought she couldn't help accusing Ted, that she just went nuts because of what happened to her during college. But now it seems as though all this was a conscious effort.
 
How horrible is that?!
 
Reading her Early Show interview recap on CBS' site:  
 
Ghandia, who was named after Mahatmas Gandhi, said that in hindsight she should have downplayed the incident in which Ted, she said, groped her as she slept.  
 
"I think what I probably would have done, or in hindsight, probably what I should have done was just kind of accepted the apology. Although I didn't think it was OK, I could have - I should have probably - kept that closer to my chest as far as the future playing card."  
 
But she admitted to playing the gender card. "I believe that the tribes just started - our tribe naturally split into men and women because of the nature of the incident that was embellished by myself. I was trying to rally the women for me. "
 
Chen want to know why, when telling the women in her tribe about the Ted incident, she left out the part that he had apologized to her.
 
"Because it made it better! They like my side better. Come on; be for real. I was playing a game. Part of it was strategy."
 
Barf.
 
I hope that women of this world just learned a huge lesson: false accusations ultimately cause you to lose and lose big. This is a huge issue with me. In the last ten years, so many women have falsely accused men of sexual and physical abuse ONLY so that they get the upper hand in divorce cases. The children are ripped away from their fathers and it takes years for them to return to even a minimal visitation - all because of a bunch of lies. The courts almost always believe the lies and then leave it up to the husband/father to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to prove himself innocent.
 
But, again, the absolute worst part is that the mother refuses to accept that her children benefit from having a relationship with their father. The father then must go through a lengthy period of "supervised visits" and only for 2 hours a week. So, because of lies, the children only get to see their father 2 hours a week. This disgusts me. This hurts me when I think of all the children who have been indirectly abused in this manner. The divorce laws need to be changed.
 
And while I'm on my soapbox, since Columbus' day is October 14, I might as well bitch about how I'm disgusted that we are celebrating someone who's only purpose for coming to the "New World" was to steal gold from and to enslave and to kill the natives who greeted them with open arms and helped them. "America" was already discovered and known before Columbus arrived. The only thing he did was push the Europeans into thinking that genocide was OK.
 
I wonder what this world and what America would be like had the Native American (both Central and North America) population, which was larger than that of Europe at the time, been allowed to flourish instead of being slaughtered and treated as sub-humans. This saddens me. It truly does.
 
Ok, I've blabbed enough. But those are two topics that I am passionate about and I just couldn't help it.
 
Next Episode - Ah, The Speculation
Although TV Guide says that Robb was hurt by a Stingray, I like to think otherwise. In the previews, it shows a happy Robb playing and bouncing in the ocean "Dee dee dee," until suddenly he screams and is sucked under and eaten by the huge mother squid pissed off because of the unappreciated squid sacrifice to the rain gods.
 
(Aren't the pictures pretty neat? Here one second. Gone the next!)
 

 
And isn't that more exciting?
 
Sure, it's kind of sad because, in my sick, demented mind I find Robb entertaining, but still... think of the headlines: "SURVIVOR'S GILLIGAN DISAPPEARS: RUMORED TO BE EATEN"
 
But alas, he only gets a nasty sting. And we don't even get the excitement of seeing one of the Team Skateboard babes peeing on his wound. (Although, if the rumors about Erin are true, she may very well have better aiming capabilities.)
 
(Please, don't write to tell me this isn't possible. That was just a joke. I know they chop those things off. But some of you will surely write to point out that, except for the very first night, there was no more rain in this episode. Did the squid sacrifice actually work for Team Skateboard?)
 
Also in the previews...
Team Church Social suffers a big loss. Clay says, "I have no idea what we're going to do."
 
Some people think they lose their canoe. I'm thinking that not only do they lose their canoe, but Jan along with it because she seems clueless. Jeff barters, "Your canoe and Jan for all your blankets and cooking utensils." Clay asks, "How much for just the canoe?"
 
Then we hear Jeff say, "I'm going to make you an offer." An offer that could change the entire game. "60 seconds. Think about this. This is an individual decision."
 
Cool! Another twist. I like twists.
 
There's a lot of speculation as to what the twist is and what the special offer is, but if you go watch the next episode preview on CBS' site, Jeff Probst asks, "Does anyone here want to switch tribes?"
 
The preview also shows Robb safely on the beach moaning in pain. Boring. He's still alive.
 
They must also offer extra incentive to switch tribes. I don’t think anyone except for Jan and Stephanie would want to switch. But they mostly responded with smiles in the preview (Ted, Jan, Erin, Stephanie, Shii Ann with Brian and Penny responding with a pondering look - they showed no one else). So it would seem as though there would be more incentive.
 
Then again, the plans, the contests, the twists are supposedly set in stone before they arrive on the island. They wouldn't know beforehand if the tribes would be as close-knit as they are. Recall Survivor Africa where Frank and Teresa were ecstatic to be switched (but not Silas).
 
And what if something weird happens in that all but Jan votes to switch from Team Church Social but no one chooses to leave Team Skateboard. This would leave a team of Jan verses everyone else (assuming, of course, that Jan is found and returned to camp).
 
So there has to be more to it than just saying, "I'll switch." Either way...
 
I like the twists.
 
So... Note to Survivor producers: More twists, more Discovery Channel moments, and more people being eaten by large ocean creatures.
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
« Last Edit: Oct 14th, 2002, 11:43am by Rhune » IP Logged
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Rhune
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29289456 29289456   rhune_1971   Rhune1971
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #2 on: Oct 22nd, 2002, 1:28am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode5.html
 
Survivor Episode 5: The Producers Who Cried Wolf!
 
In the previews for this episode we saw/heard variations of the following exciting moments:  
 
The Survivors receive a shocking offer.
 
Robb is attacked and dragged underwater and is shown later writhing in pain on the beach.
 
One Survivor's singing drives the others crazy.
 
Two unlikely tribemates forge a tentative alliance, but neither is sure whether the other can be trusted.
 
Wow! A switch, an attack, a tribe driven crazy, an unlikely alliance! Seeing these previews, I was excited and enthused about the possible twists and conflict.  
 
But then I remembered that a prior episode preview showed fighting between the tribes (which turned out to be a half-second of nothing) and a dramatic he said/she said, "This is the Survivor you'll be debating with your friends!" (which was discussed a bit afterwards with everyone saying basically the same thing).
 
The previews, once again, were nothing like what actually happened. I entirely understand promotion and the need to draw people in to watch the show, but I am too clearly reminded of, "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." No longer will I believe the preview's build-ups.
 
This show was really boring, which normally doesn't bother me in the least. I don't expect a Reality TV show to be an action-packed journey of thrills and spills. But when I am led to believe that it'll be exciting to no end, I expect it to be exciting.
 
Is the general public truly so mindless that they wouldn't tune into a show unless it has Hollywood thrills and spills? Would the general public not enjoy a show that chronicles 16 strangers as they struggle mildly to not only survive in a strange world but also to build relationships while being forced to eliminate one person every 3 days?
 
I guess what I'm saying is this: Stop the Hollywood build-up and let us enjoy this show for what it is. So far, we don't really know anything about these people. We don't know who they really are UNLESS it happened to play into some sort of drama or stereotype. Every week there's roughly 3 days of actual footage: 72 hours. 72 hours to be condensed down into just 1. Instead of searching through all these hours for drama and conflict, why not just show us what's really happening on the island?
 
And if nothing is happening on the island, then the rules need to be changed. SOMETHING needs to be changed because even with the "twists" the people now understand too well how to play the game. The challenges are basically the same every week. The reasons people are voted off have been the same as prior Survivors. Even now, people are wondering when the gross food challenge is going to happen because soon the tribes will merge and this needs to take place before the merge because the tribes will compete in eating gross food and then there will be a tie-breaker in which the two people who had the most difficulty eating the gross stuff will be chosen by the other tribe to race and eat even worse gross stuff the fastest.
 
This show has become too predictable. It's like a your typical TV/movie fight scene. After an exciting 5 minutes of beating the crap out of each other, with very little signs of facial damage, finally one guy THINKS he knocks out the other guy. But wait! At the last second, he revives himself and THEN pulls out a gun. Why the hell didn't he just use the gun in the first place? And if he DOES use the gun, then, even though he's a trained shooter, he will either miss or hit the 1-inch-wide metal staircase railing.
 
Ugh.
 
Things have become so predictable I've actually started reading books again. Did you know that Frankenstein's monster actually spoke, and quite eloquently, was incredibly agile, and had super-human strength, by design, and that Victor Frankenstein was an extremely annoying, obsessive wimp-ass? (However, I absolutely love the phrasing and the actual writing of this book.)
 
Yes, kids, things have become predictable and not just on Survivor but in all of Hollywood. One would think that throwing a bunch of strangers together in an unscripted show would yield unpredicted results, but it's just not happening. Someone needs to shake things up in ways that don't involve insults, eating bugs, or the need for beautiful people.
 
I digress.
 
Jan becomes a marked woman
Team Church Social arrives back from the Ghandia-booting tribal council. The night-vision cameraman catches a small rodent rummaging through their stuff, which is immediately followed by Clay commenting about Jan's vote and I'm left to wonder if the show's producers are trying to tell us something about a connection between Clay and small rodents.
 
Jan knows she's "the next to go." Clay says Jan has a big mark on her forehead because she voted for him. And the mysterious Helen says her vote for Ghandia "will get her further ahead."
 
I wonder if Helen and Brian have a very secret alliance because if she doesn't have an alliance with Brian, then there's no way any of the guys would vote to keep her before one of them. Is it possible that Helen actually calculated in her mind the following:
 

  • Now that Ghandia's gone, there will be two more tribal councils before the merge.  
  • Chances are that Chuay Gahn will win at least one of the immunity challenges.  
  • Jan will be booted before me, so if there's only one challenge before the merge, I make it.  
  • Once the merger happens, the other tribe will surely focus on Ted and Brian before me since they are bigger threats.  

 
Either she thought of all this, has a secret alliance with Brian, or is simply flying by the seat of her pants with a bunch of dumb luck.
 
This secret alliance might explain why she thought it was best to go against the female vote. And if this is the case, then she and Brian should be admired for keeping this such a secret from the others. I can very easily see either one of them approaching the other and suggesting, "I know you're here to play the game. Let's agree right now to totally act like we're not in an alliance, but let's make sure at some point before each tribal council we agree on who to boot out."
 
Meanwhile, Jan is missing the fun times of her first grade class...
 
Rooster forgets his medication
Over at Tribe Skateboard, night vision shows the tribe sleeping while a rooster, in yet another suicidal wild animal moment on this island, crows, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" which means "EAT ME!" in rooster-speak. What troubled me was that they didn't really know which chicken/rooster requested to be eaten. It's possible that one of the chickens spurned the rooster's advances only to have the rooster vow revenge and then hide when the hands of death reached into the cage. Now THERE'S a Hollywood moment!
 
(Question: Is it only roosters who crow or do chickens do this as well? I ask this because Penny said that if they crowed, one of the chickens would be eaten. Seems to me that they would want to eat the one who made all the noise...? Either that or they were just looking for an excuse to make fun of Shii Ann's eating habits.)
 
Lex van den Berghe writes a weekly Survivor column and I find myself agreeing with him on pretty much everything. In his last article, he asks, "What kind of half-wits would kill and eat such a rare commodity on a day when there isn’t even a challenge scheduled?" He added that chickens never spoil, but bananas do.
 
(There are so many other points we agree on that it'll seem like I hardly have an original idea. You should definitely read his weekly brilliance.)
 
Stephanie explains the entire process of killing, plucking, and cooking a chicken as only a true Arkansas'er can do. I must admit that I have never heard of actually boiling a chicken to cook it. Apparently, I am ignorant of many things chicken.
 
Spoiled Americans Suck
They eat the chicken. Robb said that Shii Ann's eating habits were "repulsive." He complained that she ate lungs, intestines, the neck; and how she licked her fingers then would touch the bird again. In other words, Shii Ann double-dipped and when you are stranded on an island with very little to no food and are living in very unsanitary conditions in extremely close quarters with a bunch of strangers, this is definitely something you should NOT do! Neck-eating and double-dipping is bad bad BAD!
 
You know what troubles me is that they are actually televising this worldwide. I am troubled and embarrassed. Robb typifies THE spoiled American, which so many countries despise. You are stranded on an island and you are too good to eat the extremely healthy but "gross" parts and then you actually go so far as to insult someone who does. We have been so spoiled in America that people have all but forgotten to appreciate so many things, things that we just take for granted. Other countries don't have napkins or even a shirt to wipe their fingers off with. Or water to wash it down. They don't have the luxury to WASTE because it's icky. And I'm not talking about Ethiopa. I'm talking about countries who have education systems, commerce, plumbing, industry.
 
And what makes it worse is that if the same items are put on a plate (which I totally expect the producers to do) and MONEY is offered, the typical American greed will chow those babies down in a matter of seconds. Will they then apologize to Shii Ann for insulting her for doing exactly what they just did for money as opposed to healthy sustenance?  
 
I digress.  
 
Again.
 
But I am the king of digress and so this is to be expected.
 
Speaking of Idiots and Food
Clay searches unsuccessfully for crabs and all of Team Church Social mentions how hungry they are. I thought I saw one of the Red Berets building a trap and I surely saw them eating basically everything in sight. Maybe Team Church Social thought they were there only to provide food for a day and didn't take any notes.  
 
(Remember the good 'ole days in Survivor when everyone lived on just one handful of rice or corn mush a day?)
 
So Brian and Ted set out in their canoe to fish. While floating along hoping that fish decide to swim up into their net, Ted starts hitting on Brian, "I don't know what it is, but we've got a lot in common."
 
Well, at least it seems like he's hitting on him. I've used that line before with a potential babe-mate. Of course, some might suggest that this is alliance-speak but I like to think otherwise because wouldn't it be fun to see a big black man, a semi-pro football player no less, and a skinny white former soft-core porn star hit it off?
 
But alas, my boredom is starting to get the best of me. It's alliance-speak and Ted proclaims, "You have my word. I swear on my daughter, you don't have to worry about me."
 
Brian responds with a non-committal statement and a chuckle and a big smile and Ted doesn't seem to notice in the least that Brian just yupped him along even as they did that manly fist-to-fist handshake.
 
We catch a quick bit of foreshadowing as Ted (while Brian watches) loops the bamboo twine boat-rope around a stick stuck in the sand propped up by rocks even. And as I freeze the picture, it's clear that it's low-tide even. I wonder if the Red Berets forgot to teach them that the boat floats even when they're not looking?
 
Team Skateboard's First Day Off
After their chicken breakfast, Penny, Erin, Jake, and Robb decide to go play in the water and enjoy a break from whatever they think they're having a day off from. While in the water, Robb gets stung or bitten by some sort of sea creature, screams and gets dragged under. Jake, Penny, and Erin don't even bother to look up even after the second or third scream. "That's nothing unusual for Robb," Jake says.
 
You know, the general viewing public seems to just entirely dislike Robb. And I have even said that I don't have to make up anything to insult him - all I have to do is write what he says and does. But I must say that, even with all his whining and bitching and immaturity, he does smile easily and often and for the most part, he seems to really enjoy his times and have fun. To me, an easy smile is a great thing so maybe he isn't as bad as he seems.
 
But of course, his nemesis Shii Ann once again sums things up perfectly, "He's like a little baby, throwing a little temper tantrum on the ground. You know, just be a mature person. Yeah, it hurts... Ouch."
 
Shii Ann is the reason I watch this show.
 
A Little Christmas Gift to the Gods
 
 
Nighttime at Tribe Church Social and to combat the boredom, Helen breaks into an upbeat Christmas tune. Ted says, "Yeah, there you go!" and claps along. Clay and Jan laugh and they have a good 'ole time listening to Helen cut loose.
 
This can't be what was mentioned in the previews, can it? "One Survivor's singing drives the others crazy." Her tribe seemed to enjoy it so I'm confused.
 
Some rather nifty night camera-work shows the boat floating silently away as we hear Helen singing in the distance. A closer view shows the bamboo rope floating peacefully along with the boat. The gods must have thought, "They're singing Christmas tunes? I guess they want us to take their barely-tied-down boat as a gift to the gods..."
 
The next morning Ted realizes the boat is gone, "Betsy ran away."
 
I love Brian's response, "There must be a reasonable explanation for this."
 
The gods wonder, "You mean... It WASN'T supposed to be a gift?"
 
Clay points out that if it were him who half-assed tied the boat down in low-tide, that they'd be all over him, asking why he didn't tie it up further from shore, all that. At this very moment, Magilla appears and they fail to see the connection, "Hey, even a monkey knows how to make sure their one key to survival doesn't float away."
 
Some more nifty camera work shows the boat hanging out 2-300 yards away on the other side of a very small island.
 
Jan Annoys the Hungry People
 
 
While all but Jan are out searching for crabs (because all the food the Red Berets cooked for them is gone), Jan shouts out into the water in a first grade teacher flashback, "Oh children! We've got mail!"
 
"What does it say? What's in there?"
 
"20, 40, 60, 80..."
 
Clay and Ted are dumbfounded. Jan continues to count, "... 100, 200, 300... "
 
Clay begins to look annoyed, "I want to know what the note says."
 
"A thousand dollars in $20 bills!!"
 
"What else does it say?"
 
"American! Right here!" and she holds up the money.
 
"Hell-fire we know that! What does the note say?"
 
Jan reads the note and they quickly realize that it's an auction to buy food. Jan yells, "It's a gambling thing!"
 
Clay's annoyance peaks, "No sh*t, Sherlock."
 
Jan continues with a happy dance as she pretends to run away with the money over to the local Wal-Mart, "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!"
 
Clay reaches into the water, picks up a big rock and kills Jan. Adults just don't appreciate humor like a class of first graders.
 
Reward Challenge
 
 
Remember all the other Survivors where they have an auction for food and there's at least one mystery gross food item? This time, the only difference is that they don't have Snickers and Mountain Dew sponsors.
 
But wait! Something really exciting is going to happen! In the previews we saw that "The Survivors receive a shocking offer" and this is it!
 
Jeff says, "But before we get to the auction, I'm going to make you an offer. But before I make the offer, I want you to hear me clearly. Do not speak for 60 seconds. When the 60 seconds is up, I will then ask you for a response. Clear? No talking. Here's the offer...
 
"Does anybody here... want to look like a traitor to their old tribe and be voted off as soon as the merge happens or have their head on the block as an outsider to the new tribe and be voted out at the first opportunity?"
 
Actually, he only asked, "Does anybody here... want to switch tribes?" but he meant the same thing.
 
A lot of people think that at least Jan and Stephanie, the two obvious outsiders in each tribe, should've switched. Even if they did and somehow made it to the merger, they would never be able to be trusted and thus would never make it to the finals.  
 
After their minute of silence and after a bit of goading by Mr. Probst... SURPRISE! No one took the offer and the previews once again let me down.
 
The food items:
#1 Hamburger, fries, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato. Sold to Soup Kitchen for $120.
#2 Big cool pitcher of lime-aid. Chewie Gum $20
#3 Mystery item. Soup Kitchen $80. Nicely-seasoned, organic and indigenous... baked grubs.
#4 Spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. Chewie Gum $400.
#5 Mystery item. Soup Kitchen $200 Hot fudge sundae with all the fixins.
#6 Nachos. Something else goes with it, mystery. Chewie Gum $320. Margueritas.
 
"Guys, I'm sorry to say, this auction's over."  
 
That's it?! Six items?  
 
I really hope that the evicted survivors admit that they had many more items that just didn't make it onto the show because if they went to all that trouble of trekking to a reward challenge for just six items then that would suck even more for them than it did for all of us watching.
 
The Good Stephanie - Too Little Too Late
 
 
Penny comments to the cameras how Stephanie has definitely changed the last couple of days now that she's eaten some food. She's become more helpful and more a part of the tribe. Stephanie explains, "Starving to death will make you an ass."
 
Well, it makes SOME people asses. I still say that people are in charge of their thoughts and actions and to use an excuse (no food, a bad day at work, etc.) to justify ill behavior towards others is just lame. I do not buy into that, "I'm having a bad day" mentality. If things don't go perfectly for you, that doesn't mean you can't choose to respond to these in a positive, proactive manner as opposed to waiting until the next morning to be in a good mood and positive towards others.
 
"Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink."
 
 
Cave mail announces the next immunity challenge. But Team Church Social has no water. Should they waste a huge amount of energy swimming to their water hole on a challenge day, thus causing them to be too tired for the challenge? Or do they go without water, which might just hurt them even worse?  
 
I don't understand how come they don't walk to the water hole? They have a map. Yes, they may have to climb a bit and trek through some unknown lands, but it's not like they can get lost. All they have to do is keep site of the water and shoreline. Are they told not to explore the island? And if not, how they can be satisfied with remaining in their little camp area while this beautiful and amazing world surrounds them?
 
Helen and Brian swim to the water hole and I wonder again if the producers are not showing us their secret alliance.  
 
They pass a nifty jellyfish who suggests, "You guys should get a boat instead of doing all that swimming."
 
Immunity Challenge
 
 
Jeff describes the immunity challenge. It's a new and very exciting sort the fish challenge. Thousands of fish, 4 different types. Every fish must be sorted and every fish must be in the right bin. If they drop one and trample it into the ground, they must find it before they can win.
 
And boy oh boy, was this thrilling. When they picked up those fish and sorted them into their respective bins, I was on the edge of my seat. I mean, they had a LOT of fish and they had to SORT them. I remember during my crazy days in college how all the fraternities would throw parties and everyone would get drunk and sort fish.
 
Why couldn't the challenge have been for the two tribes to go out into the ocean and actually CATCH the fish? And instead of the food auction, they should've been made to read a map and find the food all over the island.
 
Since there are only two challenges left before the assumed merge and since we haven't had the gross food eating contest yet, I'm wondering if the fish-sorting challenge replaced the equally exciting distress signal challenge.
 
The two tribes all rushed to gather as many fish as possible into their hands and mouth to transport them roughly 10 feet into sorting bins. As Lex also noted, my first thought was, "Were they told they couldn't use their shirts?" Hell, they could've loaded up Ted's shirt and it would've taken but three trips.
 
Instead, they only thought to stuff the raw fish into their mouths, which seemed like it was done only to impress the host and serve as cool screen captures.
 
What I also do not understand is how Team Skateboard was beaten so badly. I can't imagine there could've been a whole lot of strategy in this challenge, except maybe to pick out the big fish first and then scoop up all the little ones in big armfuls. And they hardly showed Team Skateboard during this challenge so I have no idea what they did to lose.
 
Anyway...
 
"Chewie Gum wins immunity!!"
 
The Producers try to convince us it's Shii Ann instead of Stephanie
 
 
Stephanie realizes that she should've switched to the other tribe. "I would've had a better chance over there and I think that I would have more fun over there." And she feels like she's the next to go.
 
Something Erin said really concerns me, "Things are going pretty well. The only kind of dysfunction we have going on right now is with Shii Ann. And I don't even think she really knows that we even really have that much of a dysfunction going on with her."
 
And then we hear Robb and Erin complaining about how disgusting Shii Ann was to eat with her fingers.  
 
Even Jake comments, "I don't know what it is that Shii Ann does that irritates other people, but it's something. She doesn't irritate me and the reason she doesn't irritate me is because she works!"
 
If Shii Ann gets booted I'm going to just spit.
 
We then hear Jake giving Shii Ann rather obvious junior high school advice to which she responded politely and appreciatively, "So you can't let your self get down. You just have to keep going. And when people look like they're over there talking about it, when you think they're conniving against you, here's what you gotta do. You gotta say, 'Man those people like me. Look at 'em, they're over there talking about me. They're talking about how wonderful I am.' Just don't worry about what anyone else is thinking. Don't worry about what anybody else has said."
 
If, when I get older, I give pithy advice, will people still think I'm wise just because I mean well? I really like Jake, but he needs to realize who he's talking to. Shii Ann actually fake-cried so that Jake would feel better about himself and feel as though he really helped someone.
 
Shii Ann comments off-camera about how she's the only minority in her tribe and how she's sticking out like a sore thumb. I'm not convinced that this is the problem. I think people just can't handle someone who is strong, intelligent, and isn't a kiss-ass. Shii Ann hasn't chosen to lower her standards to the average-level mentality, which is what much of society expects people to do.
 
Plus, Americans are much more expressive than Asians. It's quite likely that they just don't know how to read Shii Ann. They might think she's arrogant when she's simply trying to be nice and point out that they're rowing the boat backwards, for example.
 
 
 
Tribal Council
 
 
Once again we return to the warm glow of the campfire flames and to the generally useless portion of the show called, "Jeff asks the Tribal Council tribe questions that mean nothing but since there's less than 10 minutes left in the show I'll watch anyway to see who gets booted."
 
(As I stated in a prior article, these councils supposedly last much longer. If we were to see more of these exchanges so we can better learn about these people, they might be more than just the filler before we learn who gets booted.)
 
"Robb, straight scoop, what's your guys' impression of Chuay Gahn?" Happy people, getting along, good for them, man.
 
"You guys think you're stronger than Chuay Gahn?" For sure. Without a doubt. Come on, bro.
 
"Come on bro? Who's sitting at tribal council?" Yada yada.
 
"I’m just saying, you're not kicking their ass!"
 
It's clear that Robb considers a tribe's strength to be based only on youth and physical capability and that strategy, intellect, and the ability to work as a team mean little to nothing. Then again, not one person from Chuay Gahn can compare to Shii Ann's brains and to Ken's athleticism, so if I were asked that question, I'd have responded the same way except that I would've added "dude" somewhere in there.
 
"Stephanie, you were sick the first couple of days, right? Are you contributing as much as anybody else?" She said, yeah she was sick but that now she's contributing as much as everyone else. And then she said that she's really proud of them 'cause they were kind of struggling at first because of their survivor mode. In the beginning they were spending so much time on the shelter but they've come a long way. They are doing a lot better...
 
If I'm not mistaken, Stephanie just raised herself up to "person who knows everything far greater than everyone else" and who feels it's her place to reprimand or compliment them on their menial tasks as compared to hers. Everyone else sort of smiled to themselves and rolled their eyes, wondering how she could be so completely clueless.
 
He asked Shii Ann if she really thought about wanting to switch tribes. She very astutely lied and said how much she really likes her tribe and how comfortable she is with everyone. Wouldn't it be fun if she actually spoke the truth? "These guys suck. I wanted to switch but I knew that I'd probably be voted out if I did."
 
Time to vote
 
 
Penny, Erin, Jake, Ken, and Shii Ann all voted for Stephanie.
 
Stephanie and Robb voted for Shii Ann.
 
Robb, in a classic speech, "Sorry girl. You get on my nerves and I don't like being around you. Nothing personal."
 
Nothing personal?!
 
After 4 votes for Stephanie were shown, Stephanie left with a very nice, surprisingly polite goodbye. In fact, her parting words were really strange, "I loved my time here with you guys." "We really were the dream team." "I look forward to being with you guys on the outside." It was almost as if she were a totally different person and that she didn't even realize anything she did during the first two weeks to annoy everyone and alienate herself. Was she loving her time during all those complete bitch moments? I'm confused.
 
Preview Review
 
 
Ok kids, let's review the previews for this show because I think I missed a few of the VERY EXCITING moments:
 
The Survivors receive a shocking offer.
 
"Does anyone want to switch tribes?"
 
"No."
 
Robb is attacked and dragged underwater and is shown later writhing in pain on the beach.
 
This was actually pretty funny when Robb disappeared with a scream. Funny in a morbid sort of way. What tickled me even more was how Jake, Penny, and Erin didn't even notice Robb's screams thinking he was just being his usual self. (Talk about "the boy who cried wolf.")
 
One Survivor's singing drives the others crazy.
 
 
Maybe what they meant by this was that the tribe members will lose their minds and start singing and clapping to Christmas songs as they offer their boat up to the gods.
 
 
Two unlikely tribemates forge a tentative alliance, but neither is sure whether the other can be trusted.
 
Hmm... Let's see...
 
Ted talked to Brian and vowed his backing. Is this the unlikely alliance? Well, it seems as though Brian and Ted have already had many warm conversations. So... no?
 
Shii Ann and Jake had a warm conversation where Jake offered obvious advice and Shii Ann responded with fake crying. Maybe this is it...?
 
Oh wait, Erin and Robb both bashed Shii Ann! That's it.
 
Err... Penny and Ken were shown having a conversation.
 
The monkey and Clay seem to be getting along well...?
 
 
Next Week's Preview
Well, at least they're not promising an action-packed episode of twists, spills, and thrills. First, there will be a lot of swimming...
 
The guys set out to swim search for their boat. Ted says, "This is the most swimming I've ever done in my life.
 
And then we'll see a juicy argument between the good guy NYC policeman and the bad boy crazed maniacal spoiled rich kid...
 
And at Sook Jai, Ken and Robb have it out...
Ken: "You've got some set of balls today to approach me with this..."
Robb: "Don't f'ing try to tell me I'm doing something that I'm not. I'm not f'ing stupid."
 
Just what did the producers have in mind when they shared this with us? I hope they're not making fun of Robb because he said he's not stupid.  
 
It'll be interesting to watch, I'm sure, but I'm thinking it won't be the huge fight it is made to seem. Ken will remain calm. Robb will vent. Shii Ann will roll her eyes. Penny will look uncomfortable. Erin will look exotic in a non-showering sort of way. And Jake will give advice.
 
Also, from the CBS' Site:
 
The offer of an incredible Thai feast brings tempers to a boil during a Reward Challenge.
 
"I'm not going with Shii Ann because she double-dips!"
 
Members of a secret alliance suspect that others are on to them.
 
Now, might this be the "unlikely alliance" of Ted and Brian they alluded to during this episode or might it be my Helen and Brian theorizing?
 
And if they suspect people are on to them, will they stage a really cool fight and accuse each other of dastardly things?
 
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
 
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #3 on: Oct 22nd, 2002, 11:47am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
:rofl:
 
i absolutely love manlythoughts...perhaps it is his way of stating the obvious, perhaps it is because he underlines the ways MB plays with us in the trailers or perhaps it is because he reminded me again that the voice overs for last's weeks episode were BOGUS!
 
~ the singing thing and the unlikely alliance where one was unsure of the other...perhaps MB forgot to include these clips properly ing the episode.  perhaps we needs better editors, perhaps jeff got them wrong in the voice over promos (perhaps he should have said ~ an unlikely tribe member sings and two idiots go out into a boat, one attempts an alliance while the other plays it cool and neither is smart enough to tie it up properly or pull it up onto the friggin beach!)
 
PERHAPS MB SHOULD HIRE ME!   :sneaky:
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #4 on: Oct 22nd, 2002, 12:49pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
on Oct 22nd, 2002, 11:47am, eastendgirl wrote:
perhaps he should have said ~ an unlikely tribe member sings and two idiots go out into a boat, one attempts an alliance while the other plays it cool and neither is smart enough to tie it up properly or pull it up onto the friggin beach!)
 
PERHAPS MB SHOULD HIRE ME!   :sneaky:

:rofl:
 
:tup:  :tup:
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #5 on: Oct 28th, 2002, 10:05am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode6.html
 
Survivor Episode 6: Will the Real Robb Please Stand Up?
 
I have a confession to make...
 
I am a dolt.
 
That's right, kids. I, being the all-powerful way-into-it recap artist that I am, idiotically forgot about Survivor. It was almost a half-hour into the show before I realized my dolt-ness. And I'm sure many of you think I'm going to make the connection between "Rob-doltness" and "Robb-doltness" but I just can't bring myself to make fun of spoiled skater-punks after they've had a love-the-world, love-a-long-lost-father epiphany.
 

 
Because I am a true professional, I have decided to entirely make up what I missed (based upon screen captures from www.survivorthailand.com). Serves me right. Last week, I complained that the show has become too predictable. The gods must have heard my complaints.
 
(For those who have come to depend on my thorough brilliance, David Bloomberg's page 1 recap at www.RealityNewsOnline.com covers most everything I missed. Also, the recaps at www.survivor-central.com are quite thorough.)  
 
Let the Surprises and Twists Begin!
 
In a surprising twist, Shii Ann discovers a magic Harry Potter wand smoldering at Camp Sook Jai and decides to wreak havoc on her not-quite-mature-enough-to-freaking-enjoy-their-amazing-surroundings tribe.  
 

 
The first thing she does is zap Robb with a "Recall everything he's ever heard drunk self-help book readers say while spilling their guts to him as he bartends" spell. He resists, but its reflective effects are already starting to play tricks with his mind. Here we see him thinking, "Life is like catching a wave on my skateboard. Soon enough I'd realize, 'Whoa dudes, like this isn't even a surfboard' and I'd fall off and lose the skateboard in the water but someday when I'm eating fish, I'd like notice that there's a wheel inside the fish and I'd contemplate how that fish was caught and then I'd realize, 'Whoa dudes, like that fish must've eaten my skateboard.' Talk about karma."
 
All the others miss Stephanie, which is sort of like how guys miss their miserable bitch girlfriend after they break up only because she was good in bed. Robb continues to ponder. Having the benefit of starting to remember drunk self-help advice, he comes to a grand realization, "Dudes! I hung out with Jed and he was booted. I hung out with Stephanie and she was booted. I thought everyone didn't like Shii Ann, but... And people told me they were voting for Shii Ann instead of my friend, so... These people have been yupping me along! They think that they can just tell me what I want to hear and that I'll go on enjoying life. They are actually playing a game for a million dollars! I need to warn people!"
 
So he rushes off to confront Mr. New York accent...
 
Robb: "You've been playing a game for a million dollars! Everyone thinks you came here just to build shelter. I'm telling everyone."
 
(This next part I got from the previews...)
Ken: "You've got some set of balls today to approach me with this..."
Robb: "Don't f'ing try to tell me I'm doing something that I'm not. I'm not f'ing stupid."
 
Ken: "Oh yeah! Well I can f'ing say the F-word more times than you, f'er."
Robb: "Dude, you're such an f'ing f'er. I mean, f. You come here acting like some New York f'ing City policeman and I'm f'ing tired of it."
Ken: "Ok ok! You win! That was a lot of F-words. You still suck, though."
Robb: "Do not!"
Ken: "Do too!"
Robb: "Not."
Ken: "So."
 

 
Finally, Shii Ann zaps Penny with an "I'm actually going to speak to someone other than the cameras and in a mildly raised voice" spell. Penny says, "Hey, you f'ers. Shut the F up."
 
Ken: "Whoa, Penny just said F."
Robb: "Dude, you're right."
 
The Search for Betsy
 
Team Church Social still haven't found their boat so they still have to swim over to get water. This sucks for them so the guys decide to swim off to explore some of the smaller islands in hopes of finding "Old Betsy." As they swim along, Clay wonders aloud, "Do you think if we killed Jan and offered her up to the ocean gods we would get our boat back?" The guys decide that a Jan sacrifice, being that she's as old as she is and a little loopy to boot, would only result in finding their boat smashed up against some rocks.  
 
"Too bad Tanya isn't here. She'd be an awesome sacrifice. She was a hottie."
 
"Speaking of hotties," Ted continues. "I had a dream last night that I was with my wife for the first time in months."
 
Clay looks strangely towards Ted, "That's weird, I dreamed a big black man grabbed me in the middle of the night and spooned me and grinded into me but since I was so small I couldn't get away and so I just let him bite my neck and play with my hair."
 
Brian gets a soft-core flashback where he starred in the movie, "The Green 10 Inch Mile: A moving story about a huge, loving black man and his death row prison bitch."
 
They swim along, troubled by their thoughts.  
 
They don't find their boat.
 
Penny Enjoys Her New Vocabulary
 
Back at Team Magic Wand, Shii Ann continues her devilish ways by casting an "Eat the bananas even though we agreed not to eat the bananas until they are fully ripe" spell on Robb. It works and he ends up really annoying everyone in the tribe.  
 
Shii Ann also decides to make Jake reappear. No one notices that until this point, Jake was nowhere to be seen in his tribe or even in this episode. Penny says, "Where the F have you been, grandpa?" This freaks everyone out and Ken and Robb stop arguing
 
Due to her inexperience of wand-use, she overtaxes her wand and thus causes it to shrink. Hoping that the wand gods are male, she decides to cast a "spoon with Shii Ann" spell on Penny and the viewing public rejoices; "Very cool," they say. (Notice the shrinking wand in Shii Ann's hand.)
 

 
The gods are not impressed, however, "On the other side of the island, we have a big black man and a small, white southerner spooning and grinding throughout the night. Hard to top that."
 
(Also notice no underarm hair. The producers want them to live in extremely rough survival-in-the-jungle conditions but provide everyone with razors so as to avoid this "uncivilized" look. Come to think of it, the guys do not have underarm hair, either. Is it a mandate to shave if you're on this show?)
 
Reward Challenge

 
This challenge looked like a lot of fun. I wish I'd seen this one, dammit. With a water balloon launcher thing, quarterbacks Helen and Penny shoot melons across the beach towards their teammates in hopes that this person catches it in a basket on a stick. The other team can screw up the catch, which reminds me of lacrosse. The winner gets food.
 
The teams get physical with each other. There were time-outs and strategies. Even the loveable Jeff Probst got busy. "You want a piece of me?" he screamed. "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!"
 

 
You could also hear Penny cheering on her team just like the college cheerleaders do, "Catch this, you F'ers!"
 
Team Skateboard won with extreme jubilation and Team Church Social mumbled.
 
Monkey See, Monkey Rolls his eyes in disgust
 
After the reward challenge, Team Church Social accepts that they lost the challenge fair and square and that their swim likely influenced their levels of energy and intensity. Jan begins thinking about the games she plays with her first graders and her mind continues to devolve.
 
While they pick and scrape clams off of rocks, the monkey tries to share with them some of the things he learned from the Red Berets. He has built a few seafood traps, gathered various edible vegetation, and has improvised a Dutch oven. Unfortunately, they just point and say, "Look at the monkey!" The monkey rolls his eyes and thinks, "They act like I'm stupid. I'll be damned if I give them their boat back."
 
Island natives attack!
 
Team Skateboard arrives back home to a feast of all island feasts. They get to drink out of real glasses and are served from real China imported from Taiwan. It's like a happy Thanksgiving dinner and they all smile at each other and realize that everyone doesn't suck as much as they originally thought. And everyone had their own plates so they couldn't complain about finger-licking and double-dipping.  
 
But this was all a ruse! After being fed and played authentic music to and treated like someone would be treated had an American TV show with a huge budget paid island natives lots and lots of money, something entirely unexpected happened. Little did the producers know but this island is actually inhabited by a group of mutant cannibals called, "Kara Bungas" which means, "Beautiful women with pointy heads."
 
They were feeding them to fatten them up! Here we see a Kara Bunga attacking them during their meal. It was totally unsuspected.
 

 
'Tis a sad day in Reality TV history. Never again will another show be able to improve upon actually having the contestants being eaten by cannibals.  
 
"I know!" exclaims a producer. "Instead of voting each other off, they'll be forced to..."
 
But alas, this is too gruesome to put into words. Instead, I shall ease the tension by sharing the classic cannibal joke.
 
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
 
Ted and Brian discuss the unspoken alliance yet again
 
It is at this point when I realized that I was forgetting Survivor. Feeling like the dolt I am, I turned on the TV and the men at Team Church Social were discussing the likely merge and how important it is to win the next immunity challenge otherwise they'll be picked off by the other tribe as they'll be outnumbered 6 to 4.
 
A REQUEST TO THE PRODUCERS
I know that you have some exciting and special twists for the upcoming merger, but I'm thinking it won't be enough. During the next Survivor, can you please do something so that there isn't a clear tribal alliance when the merge happens? Maybe start out as one tribe from the beginning or switch tribe-members every few days so that close tribal bonds cannot be formed.
 
However it's done, either the show needs to be changed such that who is voted out each week is not the most important thing post merger or tribal alliances need not have a chance to develop. I request this because if Team Church Social loses the immunity challenge this week, we will see a Team Skateboard 6-4 majority and the bootees will be rather predictable.
 
Anyway, Ted and Brian do that manly fist-to-fist handshake as they commit to each other yet again. They wisely agree to lay low and try not to be obvious. Clay will eventually see them doing this, get pissed that he's not included, and will be instrumental in getting them booted before him. Clay is not a dummy. He knows how to play this game. And once the merge happens, he'll probably downplay any athletic and mental skills he has so that he's perceived even less of an immunity threat than people already think.
 
Post-merger is good for the smart weasels like Clay. Bad for the hunka-hunka studmuffins and super-athletes that the general populace loves and drools over. I'm guessing that we're going to see a lot more of Jan, as well, since she not only is not athletic but seems to lack in the mental skills as well. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
 

 
Ken and Robb kiss and make up
 
It seems as though everyone's personality has changed over at Team Skateboard after the cannibalism. Erin smiles. Shii Ann smiles. Jake smiles. Penny says, "That was f'ing good."
 
Ken says to Robb, "Let's go for a long walk, OK?"
"Sure thing, bro. Penny's really freaking me out."
 
(I must admit that I like my pretend Penny more than I do the real thing.)
 

 
After a few nifty Discovery Channel moments, we see the beginning of Robb's transformation. His eyes have been opened and he's starting to appreciate his experience much more than he's done thus far. (And he's starting to look more like a dork.)
 
"It's amazing to be able to walk and find such a beautiful place that we've been taking for granted." "I never would've thought that I'd be sitting here in a cave in the middle of a jungle in Thailand, savoring one banana and a canteen full of water that's warm as piss and tastes even worse."
 
Robb continues his epiphany, "Ken and I really squashed the beef and really had an amazing enough conversation that made me make sense to myself. Nope, not many people have done that."
 
(The Beavis and Butthead in me want to say, "He said 'squashed the beef.' Heh heh.")
 
Ken comments to the cameras that Robb's just a young kid and trying to get his head on straight. Robb thanks Ken, "I really appreciate you talking to me." And said it was like hanging out with an older brother.
 
Jan's Dementia
 
One might assume that the following is a continuation of my making crap up. It is not.
 
Another Discovery Channel moment - a close-up of an ant carrying a dead ant (or maybe just a drunken roommate)
 

 
- segues into the next scene, which opens with Jan shouting out to Helen in the water...
 
"Helen, we have to have a funeral."
 
"Why?"
 
(Instead of picturing Jan on an island in the middle of nowhere Thailand playing a game for a million dollars with a group of adults, imagine that she is actually on a field trip with a group of first graders.)
 
"I found a baby bat. And it's dead. I have it hidden so you all can see it, then we're going to bury it."
 
Jan named the bat embryo "Oscar" and was quite distressed. She spent a long time building a cross and a nice burial plot for Oscar. "I know it's silly but I felt sorry for him. I buried him and he's happy. And I'll quit crying in a minute. But I'm very sensitive, especially about little animals that don't have a chance."
 

 
Helen describes the little animal, "She found this, uhh... really... I wouldn't even call it a baby bat, yet. It's still in its embryonic stage... err... slimy, little baby bat thing." And later, "uhm... bury that thing before flies get all over it."
 
Ted responds to Jan's request to have a funeral, "I'll send a card and some flowers." Clay just shakes his head in disgust. Brian looks on indifferently and later says, "I was curious whether we could eat it or not."
 
Meanwhile, the bats are disturbed, "What the hell is she doing?! Normally, when one of us dies, an animal comes along and eats the body. Now we have to live here knowing that there's a dead bat buried right below where we sleep. Everyone, let's sh*t on her."
 
Everyone else avoids the bat crap as they go check the cave-mail. It announces a game called "21" and Ted concludes that it's a mental challenge. More merger discussion takes place and we see the overhead view of both tribes walking onto challenge beach.
 
AN APOLOGY TO JAN
I must apologize to Jan. Although she's easy to make fun of, I must say that she is simply a tender-hearted soul. If I see a spider in my house, I go out of my way to catch it and toss it outside. I can't kill bugs and if I saw a tiny bat embryo, I might've done the same thing. I don't think I'd cry like she did, but this just shows that she is someone who doesn't have a mean cell in her body. She is the perfect first grade teacher because she probably loves every single child with every ounce of her being.  
 
And so, I apologize for all my attempts to be humorous at Jan's expense.  
 
Now, if Jan gets all plastered and starts cursing and insulting and making fun of people in next week's episode, I'm going to have open up a can of whoop-ass.  
 
Immunity Challenge
 
"Today's challenge is all mental. It's called Thai 21. Here's how it works: there are 21 flags in this circle. Your goal - be the tribe to get the last flag. Here's the twist: on each move you can only grab 1, 2, or 3 flags. So clearly, the strategy lies in determining how many flags to grab and when to grab them."  
 
Robb sits out for Sook Jai (I wonder why they picked Robb to sit out...?) and Mr. Probst gives the tribes a moment to strategize. I wonder how long he gave them, because at first I had no clue as to how to win but after thinking a bit, let me see if I can explain...
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------
They were allowed to draw 1, 2, or 3 flags. The team who pulls the  
last flag wins. During the strategize moment, Ted figures out that they need to leave the other team with 4 flags. He's right.
 
Since each team can draw 1-3 flags, they win if there remains 1-3 flags to choose from. In order to force a team to leave 3 or less flags, they must leave the other team to pick from 4 flags.  
 
5 flags left - pick 1, leave 4
6 flags left - pick 2, leave 4
7 flags left - pick 3, leave 4
 
So, if there are 5-7 flags left, whichever team can draw should win. So, in order to win, a team had to leave 8 flags so the other team would be forced to leave 5-7.
 
So, continuing with this, the numbers to shoot for are 4, 8, 12, 16, and 20. Whoever got to pick first, should've won since they started out with 21 flags. 21 flags, pick 1 leaving 20. From there, the win is a piece of cake if someone understood this game.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
 
 
Apparently, no one did (and I'm resisting commenting on Shii Ann, who can do puzzles in her sleep, because I like her so much) so they basically drew flags with no plan until it got close to the end.
 
When they got down to 12, it seemed as though Chuay Gahn might have understood. Clay whispered, "If they take 3 away, that leaves 9." Erin drew 1, leaving 11. If they knew the game they would've drawn 3 to leave 8. Instead, they drew 2 - still clueless.
 
Shii Ann begs, "I don't know. You guys have to help me think."
 
Clay says, "We just have to see what they take and take the same amount." Wrong. Still clueless.
 
Shii Ann realized they would lose when she saw 6 flags left. "If they pick 2, we lose." Ted apparently forgot what he said in the beginning about leaving 4. He suggested taking only 1 flag. Clay figured it out, though, and told Ted and Brian to grab 2 flags...
 
"Chewie Gum wins Immunity!"
 
It seems as though Jeff Probst was pleasantly surprised by the good sportsmanship displayed by Team Skateboard.
 
Alcohol-induced Epiphany Moments
 
After the immunity challenge, Team Skateboard is bummed out. Night vision shows Robb giving Ken a big hug. Jake asks, "Should we get out the wine and talk about it?" This starts what can only be called cheezy alcohol-induced philosophical self-help basics.
 
It's really nice that Robb had an epiphany and turned out to be a really nice, reflective individual. And even though he was drunk, I believe what he said truly came from the heart.
 
"You know what, man? It's all positive. There's no words to describe this experience. When it's all said and done, you know what I'm going to tell people about this? It changed my whole outlook on life... in two weeks."
 
"You know what was most important to me? How much money I made each week and getting wasted. And... within 5 nights of being here, I started to really think about things, man. Life is so important right now, to me. And family... you guys are the most important thing... and people you love and people who love you just as much."
 
At this point, Robb is crying. I can't tell if his tribemates are really into what he's saying or if they're looking at him like he's a drunk fraternity boy who thinks he's discovered the meaning of life and insists on telling anyone and everyone who will listen.  
 
(If you haven't experienced this, then either you haven't spent much time at drinking parties or you drink too much yourself; because this is all too common. It's not common for the person having the epiphany, of course, but I've lost count of how many times heard drunk people philosophically spew and proclaim profound love for everyone. I like to screw with their minds and speak just as intensely back to them. I make up stories about seeing angels after a drunk-driving accident and how it changed MY life and made me able to read peoples' minds - unless they're drunk. Then, when people walk by, I'll tell the drunk guy what that person was thinking and totally make it seem as though everyone wants to kick his ass or that they've seen UFOs or whatever else comes to mind. I treat it as an improvisational creative exercise. It's quite fun.)
 
Robb continues, "You guys don't understand... that I haven't had a relationship with my dad for 21 years of my life. Now I miss him more than I miss anyone. I want to go home and tell him how much I love him. And that's what I am going to take away from this no matter what happens. I'm already going home a winner."
 
It appears as though his tribemates were really into what Robb said. Both Ken and Shii Ann comment about how they really like Robb. Shii Ann says, "We've had our differences, but you're a really, really good guy."
 
Skater freaks, as Ken called him, seem to have two personalities. They have that "too cool to be responsible, life is meant to have fun, piss on the rules, make sure everyone knows I'm a rebel" side and they have a truly caring, often very talented side that they allow only a handful of people to see. It's a shame that so many of them don't have enough self-esteem to just act and say what they really feel instead of being what they think everyone else thinks they should be like.
 
Robb was the guy most everyone on the internet loved to hate. But after this episode, people seemed to dislike him much less. Some people even started liking him. What's interesting to note is that deep down, Robb is the same guy that he was pre-epiphany. I wrote in a prior article how it really says something about a person who so easily smiles. It also says something about a person who can have fun even in the middle nowhere. Yes, he flipped off Jeff Probst for making him play by the rules and he did other things that were your basic spoiled high school punk. But someday his true self is going to come out all the time and when it does, he's actually going to be a good guy.
 
Anyway, while listening to Robb cry during his epiphany, there were a whole bunch of Robb's family and friends saying, "Hell, I gave him that advice years ago."
 
What if Jan had the chickens?
 
Apparently, Team Skateboard seems to have forgotten that they are playing a competitive game of survival. They just had a Thai feast a couple days ago. They have a bunch of bananas should they start to get really hungry. Seafood and edible vegetation exists all around them. And they decide to kill yet another of their chickens the day AFTER the immunity challenge.
 
Were they told that they wouldn't be able to keep the chickens after the merger? Maybe, after seeing those in Survivor Australia and Survivor Africa lay around all day because they had nothing but a handful of food to eat, the producers decided that they wanted everyone to be more active. Whatever it is, I'm thinking they need to change the name of the show from "Survivor" to "Summer Camp."
 
Survivor 1, they had rats to contend with.
Survivor 2 Australia, they had nothing but rice to eat.
Survivor 3 Africa, these people had it the roughest by far - 1 handful of cornmush a day, water from an elephant's toilet, and extreme heat.
Survivor 4 Marquesas, they had plenty of food, but they had those horrid mosquito-like no-nos constantly biting on them.
Survivor 5 Thailand, they have schools of squid offering themselves up for sacrifice. Bats surround their camps to eat all the flying insects. Fresh water is basically provided for them.
 
Summer Camp Thailand - that's what this show should be called.
 
I digress.
 
With a hearty jerk and snap, another chicken is prepared for brunch. I don't understand why they don't roast the chickens. What's up with this boiling to cook them? When they eat, it's easy to see that the meat is like rubber.
 
Shii Ann sums up the love-fest of the night before, "We had a great time last night. A lot of words were said that were never said before. So, it's kind of sappy but really sweet at the same time. But is it a love fest? Is it a love tribe? I don't think so. I think it was a little alcohol, a little bit of remorse for losing the game. I don't think it changes the politics here. I don't think that Penny and Erin trust me one bit more than I trust them. This is a game and strategically, we are still divided."
 
Jake adds, "Voting at tribal council is terribly painful for me. And as painful as it is, someone has to go."
 
Did anyone else catch the difference between Shii Ann's comment and Jake's? Also, in one paragraph, Shii Ann sums everything up. It would've taken me about 3 pages to say the same thing.
 
Tribal Council
 
Jeff opens with, "Erin, what's your take on the last 3 days at Sook Jai?" blah blah blah.
 
(Note: the blah blah blah's and the yada yada's replace just what you would expect the person to say. In other words, even if I don't write what they said, you still know what they said.)
 
"So Penny, you go back to camp after losing the immunity challenge and the tone completely changes. Why is this different?" blah blah blah.
 
"Robb, tell me about the night through your eyes." ... thankful to be here, amazing experience, yada yada.
 
"Well, I have to say, Sook Jai, I am genuinely delighted for the experience you guys have had in the last 3 days." Translation: I'm happy that a bunch of spoiled, immature idiots have grown up a bit.
 
"So, how the heck are you guys going to vote somebody out tonight? Shii Ann?" Another carefully-worded yada yada from Shii Ann.
 
"Erin, is there a different way to put a spin on it in that they're both wins: I get to play this amazing game which is all strategy and can be connivy and yet, amidst all of it, I'm having a life changing experience."
 
Erin speaks in a monotone voice and ends every sentence with a question-mark. "I think Robb helped all of us to realize what we've all actually gained from the 18 days that we've been here and it's a lot more than any of us ever expected? I think it really put us at peace with making the decision that we have to vote for somebody?"
 
"Jake, where does tonight's vote rank?" It's the worst. I'll never forget these last 18 days with these six.
 
Time to vote
 
Everyone votes for "Rob."
 
Shii Ann says, "An old proverb; A wise man knows much but says little. A fool knows little but says far too much. I was just getting to like you but unfortunately, you have to go. Sorry buddy. No hard feelings."
 
Robb holds up Shii Ann's name and says, "No hard feelings, but I had to vote for somebody. We had our ups and downs, but I'm definitely glad I got to know you."
 
After displaying the vote for Shii Ann, Jeff holds up a vote saying, "Rob" and Robb grimmaces, "Two B's." But then he breaks into his genuine smile, "Two B's, guys."
 
After getting 4 votes, Robb left in what was the most classy exit I have yet to see on all Survivors.
 
"Robb, the tribe has spoken."
"Thanks, bro'."
 
(Ok, that wasn't the classy part.)
 
Then he went to everyone and shook their hand. "Much love, dude. For real." Ken gave him a long, sincere hug. " Play hard, dude. You guys are all with me." Robb put his hands to his chest in a bowing gesture to the entire tribe, " My hats are off to you. Much love."
 
It's hard not to be impressed with someone who leaves in such a manner.
 
The one person who came in with the most skater-punk attitude, with the least respect for authority, and possibly with no awareness of other people's thoughts and feelings, turned out to leave with the most class. Let's hope that this new-found maturity stays with him instead of waiting until his late 20s or early 30s to resurface, as it does with so many like him.
 
Previews
 
There are three sets of previews; that which they showed after the episode, that which is on CBS' site, and the verbiage on the site. I'll mix all three.
 
New relationships are forged with caution, while Brian parties a bit too hard and pukes. (I just don't understand the need to "Party 'til you puke." Party 'til you're stupid is more like it.) Brian calls Jan a lush as we see Jan drunkenly tripping over herself. Drunk people are so cool. I really wish all the beer companies were forced to show this in their commercials.
 
Shii Ann pursues a new strategy, which leads to Ken accusing her of disloyalty. If I were Shii Ann, I'd do everything I could to convince them I was loyal. But since everyone in my own tribe considers me the outcast, I'd know that as soon as the others are voted out I'd be the first to go amongst my tribe members. So, I have no chance in winning unless I build alliances with the other tribe members.
 
And the big question, will the two tribes merge? Jeff Probst says, "Today something very different is happening." But in the site preview, Jeff says, "The two tribes will now live together on one beach." So the "big question" is answered. The bigger question, however, is...
 
From the site preview, we're led to believe that an entirely different immunity challenge will take place; maybe one that isn't necessarily individual immunities even though the tribes have merged. I have no idea what they'll do. Someone suggested that there might still be tribal immunity challenges even after the merge.
 
Also from the website preview, it appears as though Shii Ann is swimming with Clay and Ken (or maybe Brian) at Camp Church Social. So, Sook Jai gives up their shelter they slaved over to live with the monkey and the dead embryo in the cave.
 
They also no longer have to deal with the rain, which reminds me...
 
Two recaps ago, Penny unwittingly caused a squid sacrifice to the rain gods. For the rest of episode 4, episode 5, AND the entire episode 6, we saw no rain. And here I thought I was just making up crap. Maybe it really worked?!
 
So, Brian and Jan turn into lushes and puke and stumble. The tribes merge. Shii Ann tries a new strategy possibly too soon into the merge. Both tribes live together at Camp Chuay Gahn. And there's some sort of twist when it comes to immunity challenges.
 
Should be interesting.
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #6 on: Nov 4th, 2002, 12:47pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode7.html
 
Survivor Episode 7: Woe is Me - Shii Ann is Gone
 
After this episode, I have entered into a week of mourning. My shining light, my beacon of hope, my reason for living had her fire extinguished and I sit here stunned, silent, alone, wallowing in the emptiness of my thoughts.


 
Actually, it really isn't THAT bad. I mean, sure Shii Ann was a beauti'licious woman with intelligence and wit that I just entirely loved. I have even said that the show could be just her and I'd be entirely happy. I meant this. But let's be a little realistic. Worshiping someone on a TV show is a little whacked.
 
I liked her, though. I liked her a lot and this was clear in my writings. I even received emails from people offering their condolences. Here's one of them:
 
"Bummer.
I feel your pain.
This was just as bad as the Dentist in Africa and the Pilot last time out.
Hope things are well for you,
Dane"
 
I really liked how he said, "Hope things are well for you." He cares.
 
I also received many emails suggesting that I should miss the show more often, that what I made up was far better than anything that actually happened. (If you missed my last recap, you should read at least the first part where I totally made up crap based on episode screen captures.) Maybe I'll do it again in the future, but not with this episode because I'm in mourning.
 
Moving on (but not forgetting)...
 
Post Tribal Council Sadness
Erin discusses how difficult it is to vote off people that they've formed bonds with. Then she details how she's going to keep her eye on Shii Ann and Ken, two people she doesn't know or trust all that well.
 
After tribal council, sitting next to the campfire, Ken and Shii Ann recall some moments with Robb. Ken told Shii Ann that the reason why Robb got "all pissy" to Ken was because Penny told Robb that Ken had lied to him.
 
While they're talking, we are shown night vision Discovery Channel moments - a snake creeps down a tree, a rodent-ish, raccoon-type of an animal peaks over a log. Do the cameramen have night vision glasses? Do they spot these things with their cameras? And how do they not get all freaked out by actually being able to see all that's lurking around them in the darkness?
 
Ken and Shii Ann realize that Penny is sneaky, that "she's playing hardball." Ken knows about her manipulative ways, and he's concerned that when they go into the merge, because he's so strong, he's going to be a huge target. Slowly we see the negativity building towards the ever-silent, brooding Penny. In fact, Jeff Probst said in a radio interview to watch the next Survivor and watch Penny. Since she knew she could have been the one voted off, she does "something."
 
Cool! Maybe the F-bomb Penny is real.
 
Ken and Shii Ann hug each other goodnight and we see a beautiful shot of the full moon rising in the dark sky.
 
But is it edible?
Day 19 brings the tribes mail with different colored body paint. They were told to choose one color per person and paint themselves. Everyone expects that it has something to do with a merge.
 

 
Everyone from both tribes really get into it. Clay says, "Come on, let's really show some personality." Jan thinks, "I want to look like a cult member!"
 
Wouldn't life be grand if, in addition to wearing different outfits each day, we would also paint ourselves different colors? There would be a whole new world of products and psychology, increasingly more colors and "Paint for Success" books (instead of Dress for Success). The fashion industry would not only design clothes but they would also sell patterns for painting the body. Clothes would also be sold with paint. In the morning, conversations across the land would sound like, "But Mom, I LIKE to paint myself violet-blue." "No, Jimmy. Today you must be green because we're going to Aunt Martha's after school."
 
Both tribes arrive at a pow-wow circle kind of thing. Jeff greets them. "Welcome. Congratulations on making it to day 19, a physical and mental feat that your other tribemates were unable to accomplish. We thought it might be fun this morning to give you guys a chance to get to know someone from the other tribe - a little quality time one-on-one."
 
They paired up according to the matching colors. When Jeff called the color, the two people with that color chose 1 of 5 baskets from the center of the circle. Each basket has its own special treat, 2 of which contain further instructions.
 
How they paired up:  

  • Clay and Shii Ann  
  • Penny and Brian  
  • Erin and Ted  
  • Helen and Ken  
  • Jan and Jake  

 
Shii Ann and Clay got further instructions to go to Chuay Gahn camp while Ken and Helen got a note to go to Sook Jai camp. Shii Ann learned about the monkey, Magilla, and thought their camp was just a wonderful thing.
 
Helen was quite impressed with Sook Jai's shelter. "Wow! You guys built this?" And then she noticed the chicken, "You've got to be kidding me!" She also really liked how close the water hole was.
 
Ken stated to the cameras that he "listened. I didn't tell her much because, let's face it, this is my enemy." Helen was also cautious in her responses. She didn't want to give out any secrets to the "New York City cop."
 
Meanwhile, Shii Ann makes a do-or-die strategic decision: she lays it all out on the table for Clay. "Well, you know what? Our tribe hasn't got along since day one. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you the truth here."
 
I'm not sure if this was strategy or just Shii Ann needing a release. She said to the camera, "because I've been so pent up for 18 days, I just spilled my guts."  
 
She blabs to Clay, "I'll tell you right now what they're saying. We keep our five and start voting out you guys. And if Ken wasn't around, I wouldn't be here. Ken is the person who's like, 'You know what, that's not fair. Why are you booting her out? She works hard.' And Penny, by the way, is as sweet as she looks. I'll tell you, she is the most manipulative player on our team."
 
Clay shares their obvious strategy, "Well we've already said if we could get Jake on the older side and get one more person that he likes..."
 
"Me!" Shii Ann interjects.
 
"...we could go all the way. And then, may the best man win."
 
Hmm...
 
We weren't shown their entire conversation, so I can only guess what Clay told Shii Ann. But analyzing exactly what he said, it would appear as though Clay is not including everyone in his tribe in his, "Well, we've already said..." statement. Why would they need TWO people to take it all the way?  
 
Right now, it's 5-5 Chuay Gahn vs Sook Jai. With Jake, that would make it 6-4. They wouldn't need another person. UNLESS Clay isn't including someone from their tribe - Jan perhaps, or maybe even Helen. So maybe, just maybe, Clay shared quite a bit of information about Chuay Gahn as well. Maybe it wasn't a one-sided blab session.
 
The Joyful Merge
Everyone returns to pow-wow circle. Jeff says, "Alright, so tell me how it went."
 
Jake says, "Oh man, we've been having a great time. Just visiting, talking about everything, learning about all the other people in the tribes. Just having a great time."
 
Jeff asks Shii Ann and Helen to discuss the other camps. Shii Ann gushed about how wonderful Chuay Gahn's site was. Helen only mentioned not having the cave. Apparently, sleeping and keeping things dry under the cave is like gold.
 
Jeff explains how Clay, Shii Ann, Helen, and Ken, by choosing their baskets which told them to visit the other tribe, became "official ambassadors for your tribe, because today, something very different is happening.
 
"The two tribes will now live together on one beach. The four of you will decide for both tribes which beach you'll move to. Whichever beach you decide to move to, you'll get a new boat for the last 21 days. The question is, which beach are you going to live on?"
 
Clay immediately said, "Looks like we're going to Chuay Gahn."
 
"Alright, for the members of Sook Jai, all your personal items will be waiting for you at your new beach. For the members of Chuay Gahn, it is also a new home of sorts, because what was your beach is now everybody's beach."
 
At this point, Jeff did not toss them a new buff. He did not tell them to pick a new name. But he was pretty devilish in that he continued to mislead them to think they've merged...
 
"So, essentially, you are starting over, building a new world, with one big difference - you now have 18 days of education. I think the only thing left to do is exchange hellos with everybody and head out to your new beach."
 
I know a lot of people instantly noticed the lack of a new buff and tribe name, but I'll be honest. I totally missed it. And with everyone in both tribes discussing the merger for many days, I can understand how they missed it as well.
 
Discovery Channel moment
The next scene opens with a Discovery Channel moment, which impels me to...
 
========= BEGIN SHAMELESS PLUG ==============
 
It is EXACTLY how I envisioned it. We see an eagle or a falcon soaring through the sky, high above the island, strong, graceful, the wind rushing through its wings. In my Freedom to Fly CD, I guide people to imagine doing exactly the same thing. People have written telling me how empowered and free it is because it feels just like flying in a dream - except that they are even more aware of the experience. And then the bird lands on top of an old tree, something that's also done in the CD.



In fact, here's an excerpt, "Continue floating down to just above the trees and land on the highest limb. Perceive your grasp moving down the limb, to the trunk of the tree, and then follow the roots as they continue deep into the ground. It is this balance which is natural to you. So immensely strong and grounded through the roots of the tree and yet so graceful, blowing gently in the wind."
 
What happens is that all the positive qualities of the bird, all the positive qualities of flying strong and free, in addition to the incredible eyesight of a bird (thus increased insight and clairvoyance), are strengthened in the listener. The feedback from this CD has been overwhelmingly positive. You can listen for free via streaming audio by clicking here and you can click here for more information.
 
I apologize for the digression. I couldn't help it. I saw the eagle flying and it was just so exactly like I've imagined.
 
========== END OF SHAMELESS PLUG ==============
 
Family!
When everyone got to their new home, they put their hands together and gave the same family cheer as Chuay Gahn did on their first day. They then saw grapes and and apples and noodles and cheese and crackers and wine and much rejoicing was done through the lands.
 
You know, it would really suck to be on a Reality TV show for people such as myself who can't stand the taste of alcohol. Everything seems to be centered on wine or some other alcohol as the centerpoint for celebration. Big Brother, there always seems to be alcohol. The Mole serves only wine at dinner. Amazing Race - more wine. I'd be like, "Crap. Can I just get a Coke?"
 
Brian continues his weekly politically-incorrect commentary moment, which I really like because it's what so many people probably would've thought but wouldn't have the balls to actually say, "Well, it's great to welcome everyone into my kingdom. I love opening up my house - Mikasa estukasa (sp?). They're in my house now. I already have the home court advantage."
 
They came up with the love-fest name for their new tribe, Chuay Jai. Everyone seemed very happy, except for Penny and Erin. They kind of stood on the outside, sort of like the beautiful people do when they're forced to mingle with the lower life forms. They politely smiled but never made much of an effort to befriend everyone and be a part of their world.
 

 
Initially I thought that, as Erin stated, they were watching, just getting a feel of everyone, "sizing up the situation." But they could've done this AND mingled and had fun. I've seen this behavior so many times from the popular crowd - they're just not comfortable truly associating with the dorks. Instead of being curious about everyone, instead of wanting to really learn about how they tick - their likes and dislikes, backgrounds and passions, they are more concerned with how others might perceive them should they open themselves up and just be dorks and have fun.
 
Of course, I really don't know Penny and Erin so I could be entirely wrong. But I DO know quite a few beautiful people, so I'm basing my thoughts on my experiences with them.  
 
And I know that some of you reading this have chosen not to associate with certain people for fear of what your friends might think. If so, then you've missed out on some fun and some growth experiences. If not, then that’s cool; you're probably a dork.
 
Remember what the late genius Frank Zappa once said, "I have a message for all the beautiful people in this world: There are a whole lot more of us ugly bastards!"
 
So, Penny and Erin are wishing they could fit in with the dorks and Shii Ann is just happy happy happy. It's like she's become a whole other person. Or, instead, it's like she WAS an entirely different person and now she is able to be her happy self once again (which is quite clear from her audition tape, which is hilarious).
 

 
Ken notices this as well, "Shii Ann is smiling again. She took a lot of abuse at the other camp - at the hands of Robb, at the hands of Penny. I mean, flat out abuse. And now Penny's like, you know, trying to figure out what's going on, trying to figure out Shii Ann's angle, which is... well that's Penny. What're you gonna do?"
 
Shii Ann said to the cameras (and I'm already concerned about how much screen-time she's getting), "When I got here, it was like breathing for the first time. Or just, it just felt so good to make friends. It felt so nice to just meet new people who didn't judge you."
 
And we see a conversation she has with Ted where she described being the odd man out for a long time. Ted asks if she thinks it might be due to race and she responds, "I think that has a little bit to do with it. I mean, you can't take it out. I don’t think it's because people are racist. It's just that people don't understand."
 

 
When I taught in a school near Virginia Beach, my best friend was a most beautiful, fascinating black woman. One day she came to me fuming about one of the teachers, "I can't believe that old Southern Belle bitch actually asked me if I was able to comb my hair! I know she was trying to start up a little female conversation, but... UGH!" And all I could think was, 'How DOES your hair feel like?' I wasn't racist. I was just a good 'ole boy from Missouri who had never fondled a black person's head.
 
Continuing with Shii Ann's comments to Ted, "I would say the entire tribe at Sook Jai, except for Jake and Ken, have done their best to socially ostracize me and basically torture me in the worst way, in the social way."
 
The bottom line, to Ted, "I'm just so happy to be here. That's all I can say."
 
The Beauty of Alcohol
Erin was surprised at Chuay Gahn, "This is just nuts being over here. It's totally different than I ever expected. While we were over at Sook Jai, we were thinking, 'God, how boring their tribe must be.' I never would've expected any of this. I was really amazed."
 
I think it's kind of funny how teenagers and 20-somethings think people older than 30 just shut down at a certain point and start being zombies. I ask my students, "So when do you think you're going to change and stop being youthful and stop listening to new music and trying new things?" They always say, "Well, I won't." And I say, "Now you understand."
 
Sometimes, though, people drink a lot less when they get older and so their tolerances for alcohol dramatically lessen. We see Jan chugging, tripping over herself, and Brian being the life of the party before he achieves true party success - puking his guts out.
 

 
Brian said to the shocked members of Sook Jai after Jan crashed against a heap of pots and pans, "Don't worry, guys. This is Jan every night, so don't worry about it."
 
Brian tunes up his guitar and sings something that I think was a Rolling Stones song (their lyrics make absolutely no sense to me):
 
"What you feel about me and I
(STRUM)
see you here and there by the
(STRUM)
same time for sure
(STRUM)
what's going there same time
(STRUM)
I don't really give a damn..."
 
Ted helped Brian through his puke moments to which Ted commented, "The situation just basically reaffirmed our bond with each other. Not only with alliance members but also as friends." Then we saw Brian slurring strategy with Ted via nightcam on the beach. Ted was impressed, "It was amazing that he still had that strategy in his mind even though he was drunk."
 
I once helped a girl through puke moments. I held her hair out of the way, off of the porcelain god. I rubbed her back and basically tried to console her as much as I could. She thought that I was the sweetest, most considerate person. But all I was doing was trying to make sure she didn't puke all over my floor and in her hair and clothes because that would've stunk up my whole apartment for days.
 
The Morning After
The next morning, we see Brian achingly stroll to the beach to wash out a pot. But even with his aches and pains, Brian is still on his game. In my very first recap, I said this about Brian:
 
"There are salesmen and there are very successful salesmen. Those who are very good have superior persuasive skills, are usually very intelligent, have an uncanny ability to adapt and think on their feet, and are able to dig down deep to inspire and motivate themselves. Brian is another of my picks to go very far in this game."
 
(The other person I picked was Shii Ann, so I clearly do not know what I'm talking about.)
 
Here's what he said to the cameras, "I've got a very subtle form of leadership. It's very low-key, very understated. I know exactly what's going on. For an hour or two I didn't last night, but most of the time I do. I know there's some cattiness involved with the girls. I know that Shii Ann isn't too happy with her tribe. We'll see if I can use her as part of my kingdom. I'm not sure, yet."
 
Brian and Shii Ann have a very candid conversation. He wants her to vote with Chuay Gahn against Penny. And she lays it all out, pure and honest, "You know what I'm saying? I've got two people who really trust me and I'm about to break their trust."
 

 
"I know some of your best instincts are usually your first instincts," Brian says.
 
"And my first instincts are to go with you, but the thing is, Ken makes a good argument."
 
"You've got a new family. Just remember that. And you can feel it. I mean, Clay loves you, Helen loves you, Ted loves you, we all love you. And we'll all have fun."
 
Brian, if he realizes it or not, is a master at persuasion. As a hypnotist, I've learned to really choose my words carefully when communicating with a person's subconscious. Let's look at what Brian just did with Shii Ann.
 
He knows that Shii Ann is a strong person, someone that isn't easily manipulated. He knows this because of how she recognized Penny's manipulative behavior. So, instead of telling her what to think, he's going to reword things so that Shii Ann herself does the thinking. "... your best instincts are your first instincts."
 
He knows that she didn't have a family over at Sook Jai, that she felt totally ostracized. And he knows that she makes decisions based on her feelings (earlier words Shii Ann has used - torture, happy, breathing, alive). Earlier she said, "When I got here, it was like breathing for the first time. Or just, it just felt so good to make friends. It felt so nice to just meet new people who didn't judge you."
 
Notice all the "feels" and "felts" and the desire to be included, to be a part of a family. As a salesperson, Brian is trained (or just does it naturally) to pick up on a person's key phrases and feed these back to them. "You've got a new family. Just remember that. And you can feel it."
 
Shii Ann was ostracized. The black sheep of the family. No one truly accepted her and her first 18 days were just torture - no pleasure, whatsoever. So what did Brian end with? "Clay loves you, Helen loves you, Ted loves you, we all love you. And we'll all have fun."
 
So now, Shii Ann FEELS loved. She's a part of a family that's fun and non-judgmental. She's accepted and appreciated. And she comes to this conclusion all on her own, as Brian said, "And you can feel it."
 
Pretty interesting, isn't it, how powerful a few simple sentences can be? Brian is good. I enjoy watching him work.
 
To the cameras, Shii Ann says, "I told Chuay Gahn I'm on board. I told them to their face - I'm on board. I'm working a deal."
 
Tread Lightly on the Spider's Web
But then we see what may have been the best Discovery Channel moment ever...
 
A huge spider slowly works its way towards a caterpillar happily, gleefully crawling along the spider's web. The spider doesn't rush. It just steps over the happy creature and methodically rips it from its perch and into its powerful jaws.  
 
Immediately after this, Shii Ann walks towards Ken standing at the end of a log (which woefully resembles the spider's web) and I get a painful suspicion that Shii Ann is walking towards her death. The producers couldn't have found a more appropriate Discovery Channel moment.
 

 
My instincts tell me to begin my mourning, but I'm not sure why just yet.
 
Shii Ann thought it would be best to tell Ken that she's not voting with them. During their conversation, she told Ken that she was flip-flopping, that she just wasn't sure what she was going to do. Ken said that if she turns, then she'll for the rest of her life be considered a rat. Ken wanted her to make a decision.
 
"I'm staying on you and Jakes side. But I'm not staying on Penny and Erin's side."
 
Ken explained their strategy, which I thought was excellent. "Penny is already going. Just not yet. We need to get the advantage first, then we take out Penny." To the cameras, Ken explained how Shii Ann is going to look like a snake to both tribes.
 
So, Shii Ann is possibly screwed if she stays with her tribe (although it actually looks better for her strategically) and she's the outsider with Chuay Gahn, despite all the love being showered upon her. It would appear as though Shii Ann went with her heart (get away from Penny and Erin, who have treated her like crap) instead of her head (stay in alliance Sook Jai and most likely last longer than both Penny and Erin).
 
It's too bad Shii Ann is too honest. Had she simply went to Ken and said, "Hey, I'm just playing those guys. I'm telling them whatever they need to hear so that I get their trust," she'd still be on the island. Dammit, Shii Ann.
 
Paradise or Prison
After they leave for the immunity challenge (totally thinking it was for individual immunity), Magilla strolls into their camp and chows down on all their food. I was wondering why throughout the entire episode they kept showing this monkey watching them. He was taking notes, "Ok, the cheese and crackers are in the basket with the red top. The apples are in..."
 

 
Jeff pretends like everything is perfectly normal, "First off, I need to check in with you guys. The ten of you are meeting for the first time in many cases. Erin, was it tough having the two tribes live together on the same beach?"
 
"To be completely honest, no not at all," Erin said. "In fact, it's much better having both tribes live together I never would've expected our merge to have gone as smoothly as it has."
 
Jeff grins, "You said merge? I certainly didn't say anything to give you that impression, did I?"
 
During her Early Show interview, Shii Ann describes this scene, "It was like the Homer Simpson ’Doh!’ moment for me. I knew I was cooked."
 
Jeff explains, "What I said to you guys before you left was, 'Something very different is about to happen. The two tribes will live together on the same beach.' That's exactly what you're doing. You are two tribes living together on the same beach. The two tribes never merged."
 
Jeff went on to explain the immunity challenge. He might've said something about prisons and escaping but I wasn't really paying attention. I had begun my mourning. Shii Ann, my shining light, my beacon of hope, my reason for living, you're dead!  
 
Dead dead DEAD!!
 
The spider has chomped her head off and has already begun spinning its cocoon of death. Woe is me.
 
I feel inspired to write bad poetry...

She smiled at me
And now she's dead

Immunity Challenge
The tribes were separated into two prison cells. Each tribe member had shackles on their legs and feet. Using the various strings and bamboo sticks scattered on the floor, they had to piece together long poles so they can reach the keys hanging on pegs. They can then use the keys to unlock their shackles - one key per lock. Once everyone is unshackled, they have to dig out of their cell. First team to escape wins immunity.
 
I had a fleeting hope that Sook Jai would win this thing, but I had already been filled with so much woe that all I could picture was that spider ripping the caterpillar off the web.
 
One thing that really happened during the challenge...
 
Near the very end, Ken stretched way out and unhooked a key. Just as he started to bring the key back, it dropped to the ground. For any of you that videotaped the episode, you can very clearly read Penny's lips, "Oh F*!"
 

 
Sometimes I amaze even myself with my prescient abilities.
 
Although it was very close (at one point, the score was 14-14, with 15 needed to win), Chuay Gahn pulled it out in the end...
 
"Chuay Gahn wins immunity!"
 
 
 
Here's one last Shii Ann action shot.
 
Beauty and brains...
 
:: sigh ::
 
No Merge Reality Sets In
Back at camp, Clay sums up the "merge" as only Clay could do, "I want to tell you all what that was like. That was like going to Thanksgiving dinner and somebody slapping the sh* out of grandma and both families split and start fighting again."  
 
Ted added, "Now we're in a situation where we're sleeping with the enemy."
 
I think this would've been pretty cool if both tribes camped together since day one. I wonder how the relationships would've developed.
 
Apparently, Sook Jai didn't even return to camp. They went straight to tribal council. And even though we were shown less than ten minutes, in that same radio interview mentioned earlier, Jeff said that this tribal council lasted more than two hours. Dammit. I wish we were allowed to see more of these.
 
You know, I'd bet that if they put out a DVD/Video of all unedited tribal councils, that thing would sell like crazy.
 
Ah, but I'm such a dreamer. And even during this tribal council, Shii Ann's last fighting words gave me hope.
 
Tribal Council
There was talk about the non-merge surprise. For some reason, Jeff has started spending a lot more time asking Erin questions. And one thing she does with every answer is basically repeat the entire question and then maybe add a little bit afterwards. Pay attention in the remaining episodes.
 
"Erin, do you reckon that there has been some information shared in the last 2 1/2 days that people might be regretting a little bit?"  
 
"I feel like there may have been a little bit of information shared in the past couple days..."
 
Jeff asked Penny, "How do you figure out how you're going to vote because certainly there's some strategy in this?"  
 
After her answer, it didn't look so good for Shii Ann. I was thinking, "Ok Shii Ann, you were a debate champion in high school. Please do your magic now!"
 
Jeff continued, "Well guys, this is always an open forum. You haven't had a chance to talk until now. But clearly there's stuff going on. I can sense it. I can see Shii Ann..."
 
She interjects, "I'd love to speak. This is not a tribe unified. It's never been a tribe unified. As much as everyone here would like to think this is a tribe unified, this is not been the case. And I've been the brunt - I've been the person who felt that the most the entire time. So is it surprising for me to go to Chuay Gahn and find five people who have been really lovely, who I can talk to for the first time? And realize that the people who have mistreated me at Sook Jai are also the people who Chuay Gahn distrusts the most.  
 
"You don't think they asked me about you, Ken? You are the first person they asked about and I watched your back. Jake, same thing - you know that I've always been loyal to you. Penny, you're manipulative. I know that's not a pleasant word, but it's the way that you've played the game.
 
"If you go back today and I'm out and not Penny, that's going to leave another impression with those guys."
 
Jeff asks, "Penny, what's your take on all this?"
 
Penny said, "I've had plenty of opportunity to vote Shii Ann out if I wanted to and I chose not to. 'Cause I told her that the five of us should go in strong. I don't feel like I've been manipulative. And you know, bottom line is we're still Sook Jai. We are still Sook Jai. No matter what Chuay Gahn thinks or says, these are the people that I need to be with. And these are the ones I'm concerned with. I'm not concerned with them."
 
Jeff asked, "So, Shii Ann, what is the plea you are making? Are you making an offer? Are you saying here's what we should do...?
 
"What I'm saying is, Ken, Jake, Erin, I know you are thinking about voting me off. I mean, honestly, today, I didn't make any decisions. I told you that I would come up and tell you. I've not lied to you, yet. I have not come up to you and tried to backstab someone else, yet.
 
"You have got to look at the whole 18 days. You can't just look at what happened today. And I'm saying, don't vote me out because I've... promised to be on your sides and I still maintain that promise and when we go back to tribe, if I'm with you guys, I think I know more intimately how... where their heads are than any of you and that's going to come in handy."
 
 
 
Shii Ann, you are a terrible liar. Your argument was good. The actual words as you read them are excellent. But your pauses and hesitations during your plea were screaming, "I'm lying! I'm saying whatever I can think of to stay here!"
 
I mean, geez... I quote, "I've not lied to you, YET. I have not come up to you and tried to backstab someone else, YET."
 
Yet??
 
Geez, woman! This is a million-dollar game. Plus, you were my greatest entertainment. At least you could have practiced lying before coming on this show! Think about your fans. Think about the money!
 
But alas, my advice comes but much too late.  
 
Woe is me.
 
Time to Vote
Jake and Ken didn't buy into her reasons for voting off Penny. It was a unanimous vote and I wailed in pain as I watched Jeff snuff out her flame.  
 

 
Next Episode
The monkey returns and is eating their food any chance he can get.  
 
And something weird... Ken says, "I don't go around pissing where I sleep, like Chuay Gahn." We see two wet spots in their cave.  
 
Are they actually pissing in their cave? No way. It's got to be something else.
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
 
And, as always, visit my Survivor Index page and www.LetusPonder.com for my short stories.
 
Thank you for reading my crap!
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #7 on: Nov 14th, 2002, 12:40am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode8.html
 
Survivor 5 Episode 8: Group Hugs, Recipes, and Drama
 
Now that Robb and Shii Ann are gone from Sook Jai, they've decided that it's best to continually group hug. Helen is a non-stop recipe machine. And other really exciting stuff happens that I just sort of forgot.
 
The episode opens with Ted, Clay, and Brian waiting up for Sook Jai to return from Tribal Council. Ted says, "I'm not going to bed until I see who's here, because if Shii Ann's gone..." He trails off in thought.
 
Brian adds, "They're actually coming back to our house... after we spanked them."
 
And they plan on asking them why they voted out whomever. Which would be fun, I must agree. "Dang, you guys. That must've sucked having to vote yet another person out of your tribe and then having to come back and live in our house with such a huge disadvantage. Dang..."
 
"Like I said, if they vote out (Shii Ann), they're not thinking. She's much more of a threat than Erin. It would be a mistake," Brian says.
 
Team Spanked returns and Penny gives them a generic pep talk before actually walking into camp. Ken comments about how she's doing damage control. "She's definitely walking on eggshells and she has been since the second week."  
 
They return and it's congrats and yada yada. Ted asks why they voted out Shii Ann and Ken answers, "She seems to claim that you guys had a deal with her that if we got rid of her that you guys were going to pick us off one-by-one."
 
As much as they could, Clay and the others acted surprised, but geez... Duh. Of course they're going to pick off the other tribe one-by-one. I don't understand why they even pretend there isn't allegiance to their tribe. I would just say, "Well, yeah. That's your plan, too. And if it isn't you plan then you guys are dolts."
 
There was more of this discussion. Brian says, "It's still like sleeping with the enemy. So it's a weird feeling."
 
Faking out the fakers
 
A beautiful sunrise finds Ted sitting alone staring out over the ocean. Penny walks up to him and says, "How ya doin'? You still talking to your family?"
 
"Every morning. That's my routine."  
 
This was followed by some small-talk then Pure-Sweetness Penny asks if she can work out with Ted, "I'd love to..." yada yada. Ted agrees and after she walks away, rolls his eyes.
 
This shifts to Penny having a nicey-nice conversation with Clay and Brian. Ted says to the cameras, "My observation is that Penny is really going out of her way to be superly-overly nice, to the point where it doesn't feel genuine. It feels fake."
 
Clay and Brian notice this. Even Jan notices this. What I think is kind of funny is that people like Penny never realize that when they're being fake, most of the time the person they are being fake to is being even more fake right back at 'em pretending to buy into all the fakeness.
 
What I also can't stand (and this is not at all to insult Brian because I haven't seen him doing this) is how salespeople, having been told that people like to hear their names because it makes them feel like they're talking to a friend, will use your name ad nausea. "Rob, let me tell you about this vacation package. It contains, Rob, complete access to jacuzzis and spas. And Rob..."  
 
Barf.
 
We see the guys playing a game of HORSE (basketball) and there's more discussion to the cameras about how the two tribes need to at least pretend like they get along, like it's a big deal to be friendly with the other tribe. Everyone seems so emotional, so intense, like they've spent years with each other in POW camps. They've been there only three weeks. Just to put it in perspective: What were you doing the week before Halloween? That's how long they've been there. So stop the drama, already.
 
Marking the territory
 
Uh oh," the chicken says, "Did I just hear them discussing eating chickens?"
 
Wouldn't it suck to be the chicken and actually be conscious and aware of what people are talking about? It would be frustrating. I'd be screaming, "Hey, you idiots. The monkey is the one who's stealing your food. Why don't you eat him?"
 
But then we are blessed with something that's just... Well, I started to say Neanderthal but I doubt that even Neanderthals would do this.
 
After seeing what are clearly wet spots in the sand, we hear Ken say, "The cave smells like a urinal. Chuay Gahn is pissing in the front of the cave and so the whole thing is starting to smell. It's the piss cave. Very nice."
 
Ken continues with an SAT analogy, "It's like pissing in your front door. You know you walk in the front door, you close it, 'Honey, I'm home! Let me take a piss right here.' Animals don't even do that. Animals are genetically encoded not to piss where you eat. And it's happening here. I don't understand it."
 
At first, even though I saw the wet spots and saw Jake and Ken lying in the cave pointing out a spot just a few feet away, I just couldn't believe it. I'm thinking that maybe they were seeing the wet spots and it was actually the monkeys telling them, "Get out of my house. I stole your boat. I'm eating your food. Now get out of my damn house."
 
But then we see Ted walk right past Clay, Jake, and Ken to do his thing maybe 10 feet away. This is just weird. Yeah, I know there's this men/urinal thing where men can stand right next to each other and piss, but even then there's an unwritten rule that you do not talk while actually pissing. If someone starts a conversation mid-piss, I wait until I move over to the sink to wash my hands before responding. No conversations mid-piss. That's the rule. And if you're a guy and you do this... Stop, because it's just wrong. But even if following the no-conversation rule, it's still pretty weird to have someone piss maybe ten feet from your lounging-about picnic area.
 
We see more shots of the monkey peering into their camp area. "I really hope they don't piss on those bananas," he thinks.
 
Gender Roles
 
While watching the women wash the dishes in the ocean, Brian comments, "It's interesting to me even after being out here in the wilderness, after hundreds of thousands of years, the girls are still being very domesticated. And they enjoy it, which I think is great. It kind of resorts back to the good 'ole days when the men just ate and the women did all the cooking and cleaning. But it's very interesting. It's quite an observation."
 
Some people have said that Brian is a sexist pig, but I'm thinking just the opposite. If he truly was a sexist pig, if he truly did believe the women did all the cooking and cleaning and the men just ate, then this behavior wouldn't be such a big deal to him. It wouldn't have stood out to him as being so very interesting, as it clearly does. Then again, maybe he really is sexist and he simply likes to point out this behavior any chance he gets.
 
Here's a fun fact for you. When the explorers and colonists first arrived in America, they were very surprised by a number of things about the Native Americans. In an original letter from a pilgrim describing how they came to settle in the Boston/Plymouth Rock area, it was mentioned wanting to have a conversation with the "Squaw Sachem." Squaw is female and Sachem is the tribe leader - the tribe consisting of many clans. So the leader of a huge tribe of Native Americans was a woman.
 
What also surprised them was how the women did all the farming while the men tended to the hunting. Moreover, the women actually controlled all the crops and every bit of food (except for hunted animals). They decided who was going to get what to eat. And they shared their harvest with the men only in trade with hunted animals.
 
Wants her own cooking show
 
The men's discussion about how the women seem to enjoy their domesticated role segues into Helen saying to the enthralled women, "... 4 cups of flour and one cup of sugar. And a little bit of vanilla. And my grandmother's caramel recipe is pretty good, too. You cut them into little squares and then you..."
 
Jake says, "I like every single person in the other tribe. The only one that drives me crazy is Helen with the constant recipes. You know, I've heard recipes until I'm just green in the face."
 
"... Swedish almond bars. Start out with your cookie sheet. You put your toasted almonds on the bottom, pour the batter on top..."
 
Brian looks like, "Please, kill me now."
 
"My god, you know, I need to go somewhere else when she starts that recipe stuff, which is non-stop 24/7."
 
"... cashew butterscotch squares."
 
The girls cheer her on, "Oooh, that sounds good!"
 
"... Same type of thing, pastry on the bottom, cashews and butterscotch chips on the top and then you put them in the oven..."
 
Brian is going "stir-cavey," he says and I can totally relate. Two topics which just entirely bore the crap out of me is incessant recipe talk and alcohol-consumption talk ("I drank this and then I drank two of these and then I drank this and this and this...").
 
Jake and Brian escape the recipe talk and hang out together in the boat. We hear both of them discuss how they enjoy each other's company and yet, at the same time, how they choose their words carefully such that not too much information about their tribes is shared.
 
A distant shot of Brian and Jake in their boat. Back to camp. A beautiful sunset. Then night vision shows...
 
"... a cup of sugar, half a cup of plain old cocoa - you know, cocoa. Not the mix, cocoa. You're going to take another cup of sugar..."
 
While this death-talk is going on, Ken and Jake say how they like Brian. Then Ken says to Jake, "I wanted to see if you wanted to try to figure out if we can make you and I from this side and him and Clay from the other side in the final four."
 
"If you'll leave me alone with him a little bit longer, I might be able to get that," Jake says.
 
Ken warns, "Don't believe everything he says. Just remember, he's a used car dealer. What does he sell? He sells lemons."
 
Although it's a long-shot, there's a possibility that the Chuay Gahn guys would rather spend their last few weeks with Jake and Ken than recipe-woman and cries-over-bat-embryo-woman. They'd still have a 3-2 advantage even after the women are gone.
 
Immunity Challenge
 
Cave mail announces the tribal immunity challenge. (I don't know why they keep calling it tree mail. Their post office box is in the cave, dammit.)
 
How you deal with adversity will show who copes the best.
Anyone can shine when it's easy, but how do you deal with stress?
No physical strength required or power from your brain.
All you need for this one is desire to win this game.
 
The immunity challenge is going to "... test your ability to remain calm when your instincts tell you to panic." They had to lower themselves down into the water, place their mouths on a bamboo snorkel, blow out all the water, then stay underwater as long as possible while breathing through the tube. "In theory, you should be able to stay down there for a long time. But for some of you, the first few breaths will be cause for panic." The problem is that it's difficult to form a perfect seal and that there's a good chance they'll breathe in some water.
 
The winning tribe will be decided by taking the accumulated time of the members of each tribe. "Three of the members could come up right away, but if the 4th member stays down there long enough, you can still win this thing."
 
It was decided that the swimming coach, of all people, sit out this challenge. The only possible explanation for this is that maybe Helen, having experience with just this thing, knows that she can't do it. Otherwise, she's the one person I was expecting to win over everyone else.
 
Also, since this challenge is set up in some sort of underwater cage to keep out sharks and stingrays and other monsters and since it's just a matter of clearing the water from the tube and then keeping a good seal in order to breathe, the producers planned for this challenge to take a long time.
 
Instead of snorkel work, Helen thinks aloud, "... and then you roll the dough out into a 12-inch circle..."
 
Everyone takes a big, deep breath. They go down. Water shoots out of several tubes. Penny lasts an amazing 9 seconds. Ken - 15 seconds. Clay 20 seconds. Ted 21. Jan 23. Erin 25 seconds.
 
I bet the Survivors, when watching themselves on the show, wish they'd had different strategy and held their breath first before blowing the water out of the tube. But still, even if you don't take in a deep breath, you should be able to hold your breath longer than 10 seconds.
 
Here's another fun fact for you which will help you be able to hold your breath longer (and which is quite healthy). Take deep breaths, hold it, and then breathe out - all in the ratio 1:4:2. So, breathe in for a count of 4, hold it for a count of 16, then exhale for a count of 8. Do this a few times and you'll see, just this quickly, that you'll be able to increase your count. So, then breathe in for a count of 6, hold it for 24, then exhale for 12. Eventually, you'll be able to hold your breath for counts of 40, 60, and more.
 
Pretty nifty, eh? I am just full of entertainment.
 
Jeff Probst explains the situation after a breathtaking (no pun intended) 30 seconds of action, "Only two people left in the water. Brian from Chewie Gum and Jake from Soup Kitchen. Here's where we're at, guys. Chewie Gum has 64 seconds underwater. Soup Kitchen has 49 seconds underwater. That's a 15 second lead for Chewie Gum. The only way for Soup Kitchen to win is if Jake stays under the water 16 seconds longer than Brian. Jake comes up first, Chewie Gum wins immunity."
 
We see Jake start to struggle. Brian seems OK. Jake blows water out. Brian's hair floats. Jake moves - more water shoots out. Brian sings 80s hits to himself. Jake struggles even more, fights a bit, then rushes out of the water with a gasp.
 
"Chewie Gum wins immunity!"
 
Make yourself at home
 
The next scene opens with the boat almost floating away with the rising tide. I don't like to insult people. Sure, I make fun of people. Sometimes I point out things they do which make them look bad. But I don't just outright insult people for the sake of insulting people. This is just not me.
 
But now, I can't help it. These people are idiots. First, they had Special Forces guys come in, spend 24 hours, teach them an immense amount of survival skills (how to find food, improve their shelter, build traps, etc. etc. etc.), only for them to basically ignore everything they were shown and complain about their lack of food just a day or two later. Then, they lost their boat causing them to swim over a mile each way just to get water. The reason they lost their boat was because they didn't tie the thing down far enough away from shore. And now, yet again, they have totally ignored the lesson they should've learned from losing their boat.
 
In other words, people who refuse to listen to those who help and people who don't learn from their mistakes - suck.
 
In addition to their boat starting to float away, the monkey is ripping off the top of their food containers, digging in to the bananas, pretty much having his way with all the food in their camp. As everyone returns from the challenge, the chicken looks on and tries, more forcefully this time, to psychically communicate with everyone, "Eat the monkey! Eat the damn monkey!"
 
Erin poses a startling question, "Is there any reason why the lid is off our noodles?" The others comb through their stuff and Ken says that all the bananas they'd saved for the night are gone. Helen explains that with Monkeyclaws taking all their food, they will have to end up eating rocks. The monkey says, "You idiots. Even I learned things from the Special Forces guys. One of these things I learned was how to steal food from idiots who do nothing to keep me out of their food. And when your food runs out, at least I will remember all the stuff they showed could be eaten."
 
The chicken screams, "Monkey tastes just like chicken! I'm serious!"
 
Jake gets emotional
 
Team Spanked is hating life. They all have fallen in love with each other and the reality of losing the immunity challenge is causing piano music to play in the background, tears to be fought back, and tables to turn. More specifically, Erin gives advice to Jake. And not only advice, but really good advice.  
 
Erin, somewhere hidden behind those breast implants and the generally monotone, question-mark-ending sentences, seems to have a talent for understanding and helping emotional people. She says to Jake after he was crying and moaning about losing the challenge (you see, he was blaming himself even though he stayed underwater longer than all his tribemates combined. If it were me, I would've said, "Jake, the urine smell must be going to your head. Get a grip."),
 
Erin says in a surprisingly strong, compassionate voice, "Win some or lose some, it sucks - but you know what? We can't go back and change it."
 
"I wish I could," Jake says.
 
"I wish I could, too. This is how our fate is determined. OK? We are a team and we said that we were going to rebuild ourselves after all that crap with Shii Ann and we have rebuilt ourselves. But you know what, we knew this day was going to come. We knew that we were going to have to start voting off people that we didn't want to. And it sucks but you know what, you've got to be strong in your heart."
 
I'm usually not one for feel-good advice, but these seemed to be perfect comments for Jake and the state of mind he was in. Erin - star by your name!
 
"... corn, carrots, peppers, and potatoes into the casserole, add a little bit of parsley..." Helen says.
 
Team Church Social says something about how they WANT to celebrate their winning the challenge but if they celebrate, then that would be sort of insulting to Team Spanked. So they can't celebrate, which sucks for them. And it already sucks for Team Spanked because they lost yet another challenge and they have to vote off another person.
 
It just sucks for everyone. But not more than for...
 
The chicken.
 
Team Spanked decides that it's best to make themselves feel better now than it is to survive for the next 20 days. They say that since it was their chicken, they should cook it now so that they can all enjoy it together. Not one of them said, "Umm... you know, if I'm voted out, I'm going to be eating pretty dang good. So, unless you guys are starving - and until those idiots stop pretending like those Special Forces guys didn't teach them anything - I say save the chicken until it becomes a dire need."
 
Jake starts to cry again, "This was supposed to be the final four." Penny gives a little pep talk and suggests that the four of them sleep together.
 
Jake hears this and thinks aloud, "That sounds almost... erotic." He laughs but Erin, well... that same Erin who was so sympathetic and understanding just a bit ago rolls her eyes in an annoyed-at-the-lame-ass-male-who-always-makes-passes-at-my-beautilicous- self manner. I guess when it comes to anything related to eroticism, one cannot joke around Erin unless he happens to be a young, beautiful person who smokes so they look unhealthy-thin just like herself.
 
And this is too bad because I just started to like Erin.
 
They end with more team drama and the chicken hopes that they may have gotten sidetracked and have forgotten their plan to eat him. "No matter what it looks like, our team is loyal," Jake says. "No matter how much crap we give the other team for their planning on picking us off one-by-one, we are loyal to each other."
 
(Recall my little rule: If the quote is in italics, there's a possibility I might just be making it up.)
 
Just when you thought there was enough Drama
 
Before I get into the drama, Day 24 pops up on the screen. Day 24? The day of the immunity challenge (and when the monkey ate a lot of their food) was Day 21. This is the same day people were sitting around complaining about not being to celebrate. The same day, it seemed, that Erin gave Jake the excellent advice. Are they suggesting that not one significant thing happened on that island for almost three whole days? Or did something happen (like the missing reward challenge) that was for some reason not shown?
 
Then again, without Robb and Shii Ann, I can see how they'd have a difficult time finding interesting footage.
 
Jake and Jan (do these two names surprise you to be in the "just when you thought there was enough drama" section?) hold a funeral ceremony for the chicken. Jake quotes a little Buddhist philosophy. Both him and Jan fight back tears. Ted leaves to exercise. Jake hangs out but just thinks it's silly. Brian stares at them painfully. (He had the same look as when Helen was doing her recipe thing.)
 
"So, chicken, thank you for giving your life," Jake says.
 
The chicken thinks, "Yeah, like I had a choice."
 
You know, I actually agree with this whole ceremony thing. People have stopped giving sincere thanks for the food that's on their table. This is the original reason for the blessing before a meal. Native Americans thank the gods for providing them with food and thank the animals for allowing themselves to be slow enough (or whatever) to be killed. This is common in many, many cultures. So, I agree with what Jake and Jan did, but I'm not sure I'd take to such an extreme.
 
We see Jake give a hearty jerk and hear what was kind of gross as I think about it - a lot of bones cracking and breaking. And then, what made Jan (and surely many other people) really have a rough time was how she had to hold the chicken as it jerked its last minute muscle twitches of death.
 
I think all meat-eaters should have to kill their food before they eat. I think we'd have more vegetarians. Plus, there would be far less suffering in the animal kingdom since animals who are bred purely to be eaten are treated horribly.
 
"... blend in baking soda and stir until mixture is light and foamy. Then you pour these onto..."
 
Jan adds Lucky's head and Lucky's feet to her pet cemetery, all the while crying and just carrying on (as Clay would say). "I'll put it right here so they can be friends. Of course, they might think I'm crazy but that's ok." And then I think I heard her say, "And tomorrow, if the god-damned monkey eats more of our food, then you'll have a nice monkey head for company."
 
Back to the chicken. It's cooked now. Ted says, "Man! Lucky really tastes good."  
 
Team Spanked Bemoans the Tribal Council
 
Team Spanked has a little pow-wow where they try to decide if they want to tell each other who they plan on voting out. Eventually they decide not to tell. They love each other. They don't want to vote. Life sucks. Cry. Moan. Group hug. It starts to rain. It means something to them symbolically. They move into the cave. More drama. Group hug. More tears.
 
They say goodbye to Team Church Social as if any one of them would not be returning. More piano music. Another group hug. Sadness.  
 
Tribal Council
 
Jeff asks if they feel like visitors in their new camp. Ken says he doesn't, that he feels like a family. Blah blah blah. Erin says something else.
 
Jeff asks Penny about who does the chores and something. Erin is asked why she shouldn't be voted out tonight. She says something. Penny is asked the same thing and she says something equally notable. Jake also. Ken blah blah blah.
 
(Can you tell that I'm not a big fan of tribal council chatter?)
 
Mr. Probst explains that this person is the first person in the jury. After an emotional vote, it seems as though Ken, Penny, and Jake had all gotten together behind Erin's back and decided that it was Erin's time to go. More tears, hugs goodbye. Group hug with the remaining three.
 
Jeff Probst pretends to be sad, "You guys are running out of members - running out of time. What you can't run out of is hope. Anything is possible in this game." Does this mean next week is merger time?
 
Previews of Next Show
 
They get a video from home (I'm looking forward to Brian's). Helen, yet again, states her idiotic belief that only poor people should be allowed to win. Jake and Ken plan on "creating a stir."  
 
And it's very clear there's a merge. In several screen shots, we see them wearing a gold buff while before now, they were wearing their team's red and purple buffs.
 
Yippee! Now we get to watch Team Church Social vote out Ken or Penny, then Penny or Ken, then Jake or Jan, then Jan or Jake. I just hope the challenges are exciting because the babes are all being voted off and the remaining people aren't really known for their entertainment value.
 
Yippee!
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
 
And, as always, visit my Survivor Index page and www.LetusPonder.com for my short stories.  
 
 
Thank you for reading my crap!
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #8 on: Dec 2nd, 2002, 9:14am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode9.html
 
Survivor 5: Episode 9
Secret conversations of a
Survivor Challenge Planner
 
It seems as though those who plan the challenges have a bit too much else on their minds. What might this be? Well, let's explore this episode and see if we can learn a few things.
 
Team Church Social begins the episode with their discussing the fact that Sook Jai is once again at Tribal Council and how they deserve to be winning because they've worked really, really hard. They make fun of Penny's cheerleader-ness and sweetness. They laugh as Brian mimics Ken, "How does my hair look? I just want to make sure everyone knows that I am a New York City police officer..." And they rejoice in their outnumbering the "younger, stronger, more athletic" tribe.
 
Team Spanked had a rough time voting off their beloved Erin (unanimously) and come together in yet another heavy sigh group hug before walking into Team Church Social's camp. Jake suggests that they need to get a plan together so that their 5-3 disadvantage somehow magically disappears. "Here's what we can do. Jan's a little loopy. We'll just start calling her 'Erin' and maybe she'll think she's in our tribe."
 

 
The next day, Jake, after stating to the cameras, "So, I've got to figure out how I can best fit in," decides to implement a new survival strategy; adventure stories.
 
"...then I looked up and there was a 6-point buck. Here I am standing there with my bow and arrow and my heart starts, 'Ba bum Ba Bum BA BUM BA BUM!' Little did I know, but this just so happened to be the very rare silver-tailed deer known to sky-dive out of planes and attack and actually eat bow hunters!"
 
Ted comments to the cameras about Jake's stories "as if we're going to be overly-wowed by that." It's too bad they are competing in a million-dollar game because normally this would be an enjoyable way to pass the time. I've always revered people who could tell hours and hours of interesting life experiences. I'm not sure Jake is one of these people since even the monkey was shown yawning, but those able to do this I admire.
 
And this sure as hell beats, "... but then, and here's the big secret, you add a box of Jello instant pudding to the cookie batter..."
 
(By the way, as I should've done in all articles, I very much thank www.survivorthailand.com for the episode screen captures.)
 
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
I'm liking Clay more and more. His diary off-camera comments are becoming more tell-it-like-it-is and more humorous each episode. I guess I'm just a big softy for people unafraid to be politically-incorrect, especially when someone speaks his personal truth.
 
Clay got choked up while thinking of his family. While looking at the moon, he asks, "Hey, does anyone miss their family? This is the hardest thing I've ever done."
 
He continued, "My son is 23 and he said, 'Dad, those nights when it's hard to get by,' he said. "Just look at the moon and I'll give you all the strength and energy I've got."
 
I really like this thought. Being a Reiki master, I often purposely soak up the energy of the moon and allow my body to just tingle and feel lighter. Try it sometime. Stare into the moon, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and just imagine that the same energy that creates the tides is also moving in and through you, filling every cell, pulling on you just the tiniest bit. Also know that, according to the laws of physics, the entire magnetic energy of the moon is there even if the sun is only reflecting a quarter-moon, for example.
 
And what works even better than the moon (best, for me, when used WITH the moon) is when I think about the people I love - when I really project love towards them. When I do this, my body starts tingling and it feels like I could lean back and be picked up by a cloud. Some people wish they could be loved. Well, I feel the most love when I'm the one sending it out to people.
 
I digress. Pardon me for that new age moment.
 
Helen breaks into song, "Are you lonesome tonight?" She is no Celine Dion, but with the nifty musical accompaniment, she actually sounded pretty good. Everyone stared into the moon while she sang and it was quite touching. Clay denied crying but it was nice to see that he really was. Kudos to the producers for one of the best moments, emotion-wise, of the whole series.
 
Reward Challenge Reunions
 
The reward challenge begins with them sitting in portable recliner/lawn chair things in front of a TV. (Being the practical person that I am, my first thought was, "Dang, that must be one long extension cord for them to watch TV way out in the middle of the jungle.")
 
Jeff Probst explains that there are no loved ones on the island but that he did ask them to send a video. Everyone got to see a quick sneak peak of the videos, causing each person to get all emotional. We saw:
 
Jake's Wife.
Brian's wife CC and baby son Logan.
All of Jan's children.
Clay's daughter and wife. (People seemed surprised that his wife is pretty.)
Helen's husband and daughter and cat.
Ken's mom, brother, and dog.
Penny's fiance and friends.
Ted's wife and infant daughter.
 
Ted must be an emotional wreck inside. He just had a baby and then had to leave for a month-and-a-half. I remember hating being away for just the few hours at work between morning and lunch.  
 
Jeff explains a few things. "So, you guys have seen a little bit of each other's families. Well, the reward for today's challenge is, one person gets to watch their entire video while enjoying a nice, cool beverage. Now you'd assume that that would mean this would be an individual challenge, which would mean that you have merged." He opens a container and pulls out what has become the standard merge yellow-colored buffs. "You're probably assuming these gold buffs are for your new tribe? Finally, an assumption that's right."
 
The reward challenge consisted of a very TV-Unfriendly obstacle course. One would think that with a multi-million dollar budget at least one person sitting in that conference room hashing out the design of the challenges would speak up and say, "Umm... wouldn't it be kind of boring to watch people squeeze a ball through a 50-foot tube?"  
 
Maybe someone did say this, so they added a ladder climb, machete unwrap, wood chop, and cargo net climb. They randomly selected pairs to compete against other pairs, the winning pair to then fight to the death in a very exciting stack-the-balls challenge.
 
Here's my play-by-play...
 
Jake and Ken pair off against Jake and Jan. Clay is excited and just looks adorable in his cute, little blue shorts and floppy hat.  
 
"Survivor's Ready? Go!"
 
Ken climbs faster than Jan. Clay chops. Ken is off and running. They squeeze the ball through the net tube and carefully step over the cargo net. They run fast fast fast to the finish line. (Well, ok, they sort of just walked fast.)
 
Ted and Penny vs. Brian and Helen. I got caught up in the super excitement I think I missed most of the action. Brian and Helen also sort of walk fast to the win. WOO WOO!!
 
(So far, these two heats took up a total time of 1 minute and 55 seconds, but I'm sure they edited out several minutes of tube-squeezing.)
 
Mr. Probst tried to make it as exciting as possible. Here is everything he said during the last championship heat...
 
"Clay and Ken make QUICK work. Brian and Helen are right behind. Helen is WORKING that fishnet. Brian and Helen moving on to the cargo net. Helen and Brian win."
 
And then, for the super-exciting stack-the-balls final between Brian and Helen, here's Jeff's exact play-by-play...
 
"Brian's got it!"
 
See, he sort of just stood and watched. He WANTED to do an exciting play-by-play but he couldn't think of anything to say other than, "Helen is stacking her balls! Now Brian is stacking his balls! They're both stacking their balls. Now Brian has more balls stacked. Helen is trying to stack her balls a different way. Brian tries to stack his balls a different way. They are still stacking their balls. Brian's balls are almost completely stacked." So, instead of saying all that, he just announced the winner. "Brian's got it!"
 
The music portion of Survivor is excellent - possibly the best part of the show. On the other hand, those responsible for the challenges seem to make them up as an afterthought, like they have other jobs or something. Maybe they were told, "We need volunteers to make up this week's reward challenge. You have 20 minutes."
 
Everyone got to watch Brian's video and share in his beverage. Brian apologized for his wife up front, "She's a little crazy." Who cares!? She was a super-hottie and, as it turns out, has starred in a number of "show my naked body" movies - most of them with surprisingly good reviews. (Here's her filmography page.)
 
After seeing Brian's two new cars and the baby grand piano, Helen said, "He is doing pretty damn good for himself. If I were against Brian right now, that'd be enough to vote him off because I'd be going, 'That guy doesn't need the money.'"
 
Ugh. I can't stand this mentality. Once upon a time people were respected for being successful. Now, the Democrats do their damnedest to take money from the rich, basically taking away peoples' motivation to excel.
 
======== Political Digression ==========
 
Plus, I am totally sick of hearing the Democrat spiel about how the Republicans give the greatest tax breaks to the top 1%. For the record, I am not a Republican, but come on people, do a little simple math. Of course the top 1% stand to experience the greatest savings in taxes. If a millionaire's taxes are reduced by 2%, they'll pay $20,000 less in taxes. For a family making $40,000, it'll be $800 less. But because they're paying so much more to begin with, the Democrats like to spin it so that it seems as though the rich are favored. They're not favored. It's just simple math and the Republicans are idiots for not pointing this out.
 
Plus, every single time throughout history the tax rates were reduced, the government took in more money. Why? Because businesses hired more people, people aspired to make more money, and there wasn't such an immense desire to hire accountants to discover tax loopholes, to name just a few reasons. We hear all the time from the Democrats, "This tax cut is going to cost the government X millions of dollars." It won't cost anything. A few years after the cut, the government will have more tax revenues. And again, why the Republicans don't report these simple accounting statistics is beyond me.  
 
Some quick numbers:
The top 1% wage earners ($313,469 or more) paid 37.42% of all 2000 taxes.
The top 5% ($128,336 - 313,469) paid 56.47% of the taxes.
 
In other words, more than half of ALL the taxes paid to the government comes from only 5% of the people. Another way of looking at it is, out of the 128 million people who paid taxes in 2000, 6 million ended up paying more than half of the bill. Yeah, that's really fair. It's like going to a really busy restaurant and then picking 6 people to pay half of everyone's bill. Oh sure, they could probably afford it, but if I were one of those 6, I sure as hell would stop eating out.
 
Here's a link for some interesting reading:
http://www.ncpa.org/~ncpa/pi/taxes/taxbook/taxbook4.html  
 
Source: Internal Revenue Service, Statistics of Income Division, Unpublished Statistics, September 2002.
=======================================

 
Anyway, Helen sucks for wanting to vote Brian out just because he has money. That's like going to a chess tournament and hearing, "Anyone who makes a lot of money has to let your opponent win."
 
Merged Tribe Divided
 
They return from the reward challenge, name themselves Chuay Jai (for a second time), create a flag (decorated with each person's handprint), and rethink their strategy. Some people stated that the person who'll be voted out now is the person who is the most annoying.
 
Ted takes some quality "Me" time and heads out into the canoe all by himself. The others (except for Brian) think that this is just the strangest, wildest, craziest thing a person could do and seem to have totally forgotten that he just saw his infant child for the first time in almost a month. Several people jump on this one little thing and now Ted has become a social pariah because he chose to do what everyone on that island wanted to do.
 
Clay and Brian discuss strategy. Jake and Ken discuss their need to align with at least one guy from Team Church Social. Jake approaches Clay. Clay hints that Ted may be the one to go now that he took his quality "Me" time and gives Jake the impression that Ken is no longer the target.
 
I think I figured out how Clay looks and acts when he lies. As he was yupping Jake along about how they could get together and form some sort of alliance to the end, his eyes were a little more open than usual and just sort of unfocused. And when he speaks, he's usually more direct, his words are stronger. When lying or speaking to someone and not sharing his true thoughts, his words lose their oomph and conviction. I'm going to watch him more closely now that the tribes have merged to see if my theory is true.
 
Immunity Challenge
 
The immunity challenge is another two-part challenge. They must remember the Thai symbols for the numbers after looking at a chart for 30 seconds. "I'll say a number in English. You must show me that same number in Thai." After one number "9" only Penny, Ken, and Clay were left. Second number was "1" which was missed by Penny.
 
Most everyone was eliminated after just one number. I'm not sure how well I would've done knowing a million dollars is at stake, but I know that in general, I would've bombed this game, too.  
 
Recall those who volunteered to make up the challenges. They said, "I know! We'll make them REMEMBER numbers!"
 
"That's it? What if we give each of them money and have them visit a local market to purchase specific items. All these will have signs with the price clearly marked. We'll allow the merchants to mark up everything immensely so that they can take advantage of the bastard capitalist American sloth. They must not speak any English so it'll be fun to watch all the Survivors try to communicate and purchase things. And it would also be interesting to see the types of things the Survivors decide to purchase. After all this, they will be brought back and we'll surprise them with the English-Thai number memory challenge. However many numbers they remember from their day at the market, that is how many items they are allowed to keep as a little reward. The two who remember the most numbers will go on to the final."  
 
"What does everyone think about this?"
 
"How long will it take to talk with the local merchants? Who will have to go into town and decide on what items they can purchase? Will WE will have to make sure all things are clearly priced?"
 
"Well, yeah. We're responsible for the challenge."
 
"Let's just make them remember numbers."
 
Mark Burnett, if you're reading this, you need to hire me as a "What the people will enjoy watching" consultant. Obviously those you're paying to do this have more important things to do with their time.
 
Ken and Clay move on to the second part where they must follow compass directions while also taking the appropriate Thai-number of steps. This part totally contradicted what I just theorized: it had to take forever to set up this challenge. They buried roughly 300 hundred (yes, I counted them) signs in little mounds of sand.
 
Ken and Jake held a sign indicating a certain number of steps to take in a specific direction (North, East, West, or South), at which point they'll uncover the pile to get the next sign. If they uncover the wrong pile, they must start again where they left off. The numbers are written in Thai (but the English to Thai conversion sign was left up in case they forgot). A large compass sat next to the number key. Jeff reminded them that the ocean was WEST.  
 
Ok, so it might be a little confusing to get your bearings. What we did NOT hear Jeff say was that the directions were also clearly marked at the edges of the challenge area. All they had to do was look at the English-Thai conversion chart, then simply walk the appropriate number of piles in the direction clearly labeled on the ground in front of them. Also, the flags were blue (Ken) and yellow (Clay). So, if either of them messed up, there was a good chance they'd end up at the other guy's flag.
 
With all these aids, it was sort of surprising that Ken seemed totally clueless.
 
"CLAY WINS the mildly feminine sunshine-looking IMMUNITY necklace!"
 
The Great Mystery - Who Should Go?
Back from the challenge, Ted points out that since Ken was in the final, he's clearly a threat and "so our strategy now is to go ahead and eliminate the strength or the potential strength of Sook Jai."
 

 
At this point, the episode could've just went to tribal council. Instead, we got to see Jake and Ken's Hail-Mary effort to recruit at least one member of Chuay Gahn to their side in order to boot Brian. We see Jake telling Clay, "My plan calls for you to be able to handle one of the ladies. Can you handle one of the ladies?"
 
"Oh yeah," Clays says. (His eyebrows were raised while he listened, indicating to me that Clay, once again, has his eyes open just a little bit more than usual during his lie.)
 
"Can you?"
 
"Easy."
 
Brian very well explains the game at this point, "Now it's the 4th quarter, basically. We're getting to the long stretch. Everything counts. Friends count. Relationships count. The littlest things are gonna either make you or break you at this stage. Unless you're holding that immunity necklace around you... who knows?"
 
I wonder if the Survivors are coached to say things that will help the show maintain at least a little bit of mystery before the Tribal Council...?
 
Tribal Council
Blah blah blah.
 
There was nothing said that wasn't expected.
 
Time to Vote
Chuay Gahn voted as an alliance as did Sook Jai.  
 
I really liked Ken. He handled himself extremely well throughout the entire show. He responded to everything with intelligence, diplomacy, and honor. He aligned himself with the highest quality people and he quickly recognized those who weren't. People familiar with my writing should know by now that I don't give out sincere compliments easily. My hat's off to you, Ken.
 
Next Episode
From CBS' site:

After being shocked by the vote at Tribal Council, one Survivor begins questioning a former ally as a secret plot is revealed.  
 
Two tribemates return from a surprise trek away from camp with full stomachs and a suspicious gift.  
 
Meanwhile, one tribe member preys on the fears of another in an attempt to gain votes and become the Sole Survivor.  
And from the previews, the challenges actually look interesting.
 
Yippee!
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
 
And, as always, visit my Survivor Index page and www.LetusPonder.com for my short stories.
 
Thank you for reading my crap!
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #9 on: Dec 2nd, 2002, 9:57am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode10.html
 
Survivor Episode 10: A Fantasy Episode (and recap)
 
During this episode, Jake spoke truth but was called a Snake. Brian and Clay went on a date. Penny bagged her tribemate. And lots of gratuitous violence to boost ratings. Due to mild boredom, I've completely made up an entire episode just to entertain myself. (I provide a recap, as well. Just in case.)
 
I received an email informing me, "Too bad, I will never read you again" because "If you had stuck to survivor talk in your survivor article, I might have continued to enjoy your writing."
 
Thanks to this person who said she'd never again read my writing because I digress too much, I've decided to make up a complete episode.
 
For those who are here to read my usual thorough commentary, click here to scroll past all of my horrid, off-topic crap. (I must be honest. I'm not doing this just be a little snot. By far, my most talked-about, enjoyed article was when I missed the first half of the show and just made up stuff. Plus, since the show has become rather predictable, I figured I might as well make it a little more entertaining.)
 
My self-imposed rules are that I will create an episode based on actual chronological screen captures of the show (thanks to www.survivorthailand.com). Any similarity to real events is purely of your imagination.
 
 
======= Episode 10 ============  
 
Day 28 begins innocently enough with yet another beautiful sunrise. A crab scurries across the sand. Birds sing their morning song. The fire crackles like an old man stretching after a restless sleep on a worn mattress.
 
Ted greets the day with his morning talk-to-the-family ritual. Jake eyes him from a distance, planning his words carefully, preparing for yet another attempt to cling onto the legs of a member of the once-thought-to-be-old-and-feeble Team Church Social.  
 
Jake thinks to himself, "Last night we all voted for Ted. Now I have to think of a way to explain this to him so that I'm not such a schmoe-dog. And with each passing moment, I'm going to act weaker and weaker. I will play the feeble old man and continue to cry over everything hoping that maybe some of the Thai respect for the elders will cause them to look at this senile old person and respect him and not vote him off this luxurious resort disguised by the producers as an unforgiving, barren land."  
 
But as he stumbled closer, he overhears Ted carrying on a conversation with an invisible friend:  
 
"I just can't imagine having to live the life of a sea creature," says Ted. "And it's all because of that wicked queen who befriended the evil sorcerer who was jealous of your uncanny ability to sing love songs to maidens in distress and break evil spells?"
 
 
"Really?"
 
"After you fought the dragon and lost your hair in the flames, did you still have all your strength?"
 
"That long? Wow... I've been here just 28 days. I can't imagine living like that for all those years."
 
"Whoa. That is some powerful fearful stuff. But, before you explain to me your plan to break the spell and return once again to raping and pillaging and dragon-fighting and love-song-singing, I have a question about something. How do fishes sleep? I mean, well it's not like they can go lie down at the bottom of the ocean because in many places the water's so deep they couldn't handle the pressure. But if they stop swimming, would they just float to the top like dead fish?"
 
"Are you serious?"
 
"So, the reason fish get caught is because they're asleep? And by the time they're dragged up into the boat, they're scrambling like, 'What the hell? Where am I?!'"
 
"HA HA HA!! You are too funny for a love-song-singing raping and pillaging dragon-fighting knight in shining armor turned into a sea creature."
 
"Oh..."
 
"Wow... Seriously? You definitely need a woman, then. Could you eat Jan?"
 
"Oh, I see. Now isn't this ironic. You have to eat the one person that's driving us crazy with her incessant recipe-spewing. Maybe we could ask her how she would prepare herself..."
 
In shock, Jake stumbles and surprises Ted. Ted gasps, "How much did you hear?"
 
"Who were you talking to," Jake watches Ted struggle to find the right words. Jake continues, "Are you going to cannibalize Helen?"
 
"No, no, no. The sea creature needs to eat Helen so that his genes recombine to break the evil spell so that he can once again be a knight in shining armor. Apparently, he's a distant relative of hers. Mine, too, which I don't understand, but he needs female genes, nonetheless. Otherwise, he would've eaten me," says Ted.
 
"Oh. A sea creature looking for specific human genes to break an evil spell. Why didn't you just say this in the first place," Jake says.
 
"You see, I tell people that I come here to speak with my kids every morning, but this is only partly true. I definitely talk to my kids, but also, during the first week, I began communicating psychicly with a sea creature. During this episode, it promises to show itself," explains Ted.
 
Jake hears this and thinks aloud, "That sounds almost... erotic."
 
"Excuse me?"
 
"Oh, wait. I just remembered something Penny said," Jake says. "So, you have to feed Helen to the sea creature? That's heavy stuff. I came here to explain that I voted for you because Brian and Clay told me you were going next but geez, Ted, communicating with a sea creature sure beats my adventure stories. Would you mind if I told everyone that it was, in fact, me doing this after I saved the sea creature's life while lost at sea?"
 
Unbeknownst to Jake and Ted, something surfaces in the distance for a quick breath of air...
 
Reward Challenge
 
Sensing too much lovey-dovey action at Camp Chuah Jai, the producers begin a series of challenges geared to alienate each other. Jeff Probst explains the challenge:
 
"In a moment, I'm going to stun everyone with a quick 'Pick-a-partner-on-your-marks-get-set-go!' statement leaving Jake abandoned, lost, hurt, and confused. I'll say it so fast that people won't have time to plan and instead just pick the person next to them. Because Penny was next to Ted and because Jake stood next to Clay who was standing next to Brian (and is secretly falling in love with Brian and his Hollywood-permanently-nice hair and delicious ass), Jake will be left to wimper and wallow in a pool of rapidly-aging self-pity..."
 
"Excuse me, Jeff," Clay interrupts. "How do you know what's going to happen? You're just explaining the rules of the challenge."
 
"Understand this: You are but pawns, little puppets we control back in the editing room. We can make anything happen that we think will improve ratings," Jeff laughs maniacally. Everyone else squirms.
 
"After you pick partners, the three teams must put their thinking caps on and devise ways to build little bridges across these little towers. Because thinking caps are required, whomever partners with Jan will lose.
 
"This will leave Ted & Penny to compete in a live-fire military training drill against Clay and Brian. You'll have to crawl beneath this contraption. If you raise your heads too high, you will be shot and our ratings will skyrocket.
 
"Unfortunately, Penny can't think of anything but her wedding that's planned but a few months from now. She's worried that if she leaves the planning to her fiancé, he will think of stupid sh`t for the ceremony because that's just what guys do when they plan weddings. Deep in thought, she doesn't lift her head high enough for our guys to kill her, but she still loses, which I guess is the same result.
 
"The next stage is called the 'Yank off Clay's arms' course. Clay will get boosted to the top of a wall and then Brian and Ted will pull down on Clay's arms until they get yanked off in a very explicit and gross act of TV sensationalism."
 
"Cool," Penny says.
 
"I'm not sure if I'm gonna like this challenge," Clay says.
 
Jeff smiles lovingly, "And Brian will win the walking across the bamboo pole challenge. But it won't be him who does this part. Instead, a poor kid with old, ratty shoes will be forced to run the course in the place of the wealthy, two-cars-in-the-garage, white grand piano, babe-wifed Brian.
 
"He will then choose Clay to go with him on a special Thailand day on an elephant that farts."
 
Helen is always the skeptic, "Oh come on. You're just making this up. An elephant that farts?"
 
"Players ready! Go!"
 
"Oh crap," says Jake.
 
 
 
 
In addition to riding the elephant that farts, Brian and Clay get excellent Thai food and drink. Prior to this, we saw this season's first product placement plug as Jeff handed his Visa to Brian. Personally, I like product placement plugs. I'd much rather see the Survivors rewarded with a Snickers and a Mountain Dew than have to watch 2-3 minutes of commercials. In other words, give them Doritos to take back to their camp and give us more show time.
 
Seeing the hands and the Visa made me realize something I never noticed before: Michelangelo plugged Visa in his "Creation of Adam" Sistine Chapel painting. Here's the original painting at right:

 
But when you zoom in...
 

Who'd a thunk?
 
I honestly had no idea Visa even existed in 1512. This makes me wish I'd paid better attention to art history during high school.
 
What was THAT?!
 
Back at camp, Penny hears a dreadful sound. She thinks it came from the sky but Jan says, "No, it came from the water."  
 
Jake eyes Ted and whispers, "Is that what I think it is?"
 
"It sure is. He's powerful hungry. That was his stomach growling."
 
Before they could figure out what the sound was, the reward boat came for Brian and Clay. As everyone got excited, Brian actually became concerned, "I picked Clay because I figured it would be very difficult to explain why I picked anyone else given the fact that it was Clay who picked me over Ted during the challenge. But now, I'm beginning to think Clay is falling in love with me and my nice hair."
 
As Brian and Clay crawled into the boat, Clay says, "I've got a hot looking date, don't I? He's got a fine ass. I've seen it, too!"
 
Everyone took this as Clay's typical sense of humor, but throughout the entire "date" Brian saw sign after sign. Here, Clay leans over to Brian and says, "Remember the movie Titanic? I just loved the romance." He winked and relived a moment, "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"
 
 
And just check out the body language while Brian rode the elephant. After more hints from Clay about their special connection, Brian scoots over in the chair as far as possible, practically falling out, holding on for dear life while Clay keeps making their legs accidentally touch.  
 
(Ok, enough of this silly Clay-loving-Brian thing. I just needed a way to work in the "nice ass" comment and that was all I could think of.)
 
Speaking of asses... I've been with small children who could fill a large room with one single almost-lethal fart. Can you imagine having to deal with such a thing from an elephant? I would expect the walls to become sticky.
 
Jake offers an alliance with Helen
 
Back at camp, knowing the sea creature is getting antsy and thinking that maybe he'll be eaten instead, Ted suggests that Helen go get water. Not thinking about his conversation with Ted, Jake volunteers to go along.
 
"Dammit," says the sea creature. "I can't eat Jake, too. That would be like taking a large bite of egg salad and discovering gross celery pieces. When I'm a man again, I'm going to ask all cooks to stop bulking up their meals with that disgusting filler. It doesn't complement the recipes. It just makes them taste bad."
 
Ah... sea creature wisdom. It's surprising to hear what goes through their minds.
 
Since Jake has begged an alliance with Brian, Clay, and Ted, he figures it's Helen's turn.
 
"Just between you and me, I have a plan that will get you into the finals. It won't work for me, but at least I'll get to stay here longer and I won't have to walk around like a beaten puppy.
 
"Your only chance to win this game is if you form an alliance with Jan, Penny, and me. We can then vote out the guys, followed by Penny and then me, leaving you and Jan in the final. There's no way your three guys will allow you into the final. The furthest you will get is Final 4. Your only chance to win this game is to align with me now."
 
Something about Jake's plea causes Helen to think, "Hmm... I've always been loyal to my tribe, but this makes a lot of sense. I never realized that you're as smart and strategic as you are, but clearly you have excellent insight and wisdom and should be taken seriously."
 
"Well, that sure is nice to hear. I honestly think it's your only chance to win," says Jake. "Oh, and one more thing. You need to vote Ted out ASAP because he's communicating psychicly with a dragon-fighting knight who was turned into a sea creature who plans on eating you very soon because he needs your genes to break the spell."
 
And thus ends the possibility of a Jan/Helen final.
 
What the hell is that?!
 
Clay and Brian return to much rejoicing. They bring a canteen of beer and a canteen of the shrimp soup. Penny continues trying to charm her way into the hearts of Chuay Gahn. She seductively says to Clay, "Come here big daddy" and causes him to feel uncomfortable, leaving him speechless for possibly the first time ever.
 
Once again Jan chugs the alcohol, "They don't let me drink around my first graders." Helen asks for the recipe. Brian continues to look increasingly more uncomfortable. Jake stands to the side, silently begging everyone to include him. And Ted gets a funny feeling.
 
Clay leaves camp to recoup from the Penny seduction and spots something strange in the water, "Hey guys, you wanna come a get a look at this? There's something out there and it's coming this way."
 
Ted feels even funnier. Clay is ignored because Penny has decided the only way she can win the hearts of the other tribe is to kiss them. Jan says, "It felt kinda funny but I kinda liked it, too!"
 
"You guys, I'm serious! There's really something out there," Clay insists.
 
Ted says, "Umm... I don't think we should bother with that." Apparently Ted knows something. "Why don't we all go take a piss in the cave. That would be fun, wouldn't it?"
 
Closer still it gets. The strange sounds heard earlier return as the sun sets causing an eery gloom. The birds and the crickets fall silent. Monkeys scramble to the higher branches. Wildlife freezes in their last attempt to become invisible to the dreadful creature.
 
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a man comes screaming onto the beach, "Get out of the water! Get out of the water!" It's Chief Martin Brody!
 
"Wait a minute," Helen says. "That don't look like no shark. That looks like..."
 
"GASP!"
 
(You see, Chief Martin Brody was that guy in Jaws who everyone thought was crazy because he became paranoid about a giant shark. Get it?
 
And that first picture was of the Loch Ness monster. See? You've got to work with me or I totally crash and burn.)  
 
Immunity Challenge
 
Mr. Probst explains how this challenge is also geared towards creating a bit of antagonism between the survivors. "Helen, I understand that there's a sea creature trying to eat you. Will this affect anyone's play during this challenge?"
 
"Well, I ain't never seen no sea creature eat a human before," smiles Clay.
 
"Me, neither," says Jan. "How about we eliminate everyone but Helen so she wins immunity so she stays on this island longer so maybe we can watch her get eaten."
 
Penny thinks about this, "Ok, but I need to make sure all of you realize that Jake and I are not in an alliance. Yes, I know that I should've done this before now because surely everyone will see this as a desperate but completely insincere plea to somehow manipulate everyone to think that I am honest and trustworthy."
 
Jake giggles, "Hey, that sure is a good idea, Penny. No one will be at all bothered that you decided to throw me out to the lions only after you realize you have no other choice." Jake giggles again and thinks, "I may get to stay here longer than I originally thought."
 
And this is just what happened during the "snuff the torch" challenge. Penny went straight for Jake's jugular and every time someone got a correct answer, they snuffed everyone's torch but Helen's.
 
"Helen wins immunity!"
 
"Oh crap," says Helen.
 
Who should go?
 
Jake says to Penny, "You know, I don't ever see them plotting and discussing strategy. I don't think there's an alliance between them. So I've decided to vote for the one person I have the greatest chance in convincing to vote against her tribe, Jan."
 
"Jake, that's brilliant. No one would ever suspect you have an alliance with her if you vote for her," Penny says, twisting her evil-plans mustache were she to have one. She knows her only chance to stay on the island is if Jake gets booted. "Hey, Jake. When Jeff asks you questions during Tribal Council, would you mind saying things that'll annoy Clay?"
 
"If you think that's what's best..." Jake says cluelessly.
 
Meanwhile, after Jake comments about how the old Chuay Gahn has no alliance and never discusses strategy, the old Chuay Gahn discusses who to boot off the island.  
 
Jake sees them and thinks, "I am so dead."
 
Penny thinks, "It was so easy to manipulate them into thinking I'm not with Jake. I am SO going to win this game."
 
The sea creature thinks, "Dammit, she could've at least washed her hair before the challenge."
 
Tribal Council I Would Like to See
 
Jeff Probst says, "Ok, usually this is the time when I milk you Survivors with pointed questions hoping, expecting controversial stuff to come out. When we first came up with the plan for this show, this looked great on paper. We expected arguing. We expected people to uncover alliances. We expected anger and resentment to be a result of my questions clearly designed to stir things up. All of this would lead to great TV because no one wants to watch people being civil to each other.
 
"But none of this is happening. You guys are all playing under the radar. You never open up and really say what's on your minds.
 
"So, as a result, we've decided to change things a bit. On another show called Temptation Island, during their tribal council thing, the couples got to see videos of their partners living it up with beautiful people willing to do anything for camera time."
 
A big-screen TV rises up behind Jeff. "Ok guys, we've captured personal moments that each of you didn't realize was being videotaped. We'll show a 1-minute montage of each person saying and doing very incriminating things. THEN we'll open up the floor for comments and questions and hopefully this show will finally get some controversy.
 
"Whose video would you like to see first?  
 
"Would it be Jan's video from home where you can clearly see her Ph.D. in Human Studies and Behavioral Science and her Mensa membership certificate both hanging on the wall, not to mention her several books she's published by the University Press? Guys, she is playing every one of you like fools. That pet cemetery just cracks me up.  
 
"Or would it be the conversation Helen and Brian had during the first week that set up their secret alliance?
 
"Speaking of secret alliances, Brian... we've lost count how many alliances you have. Let's watch to see if we can figure it out.
 
"And Clay, so far we have you on camera telling roughly ten people they'll be in the Final Four. After seeing this, how many of those ten people will have YOU in the Final Four?
 
"The only person Jake hasn't begged a deal with is Jan and that's because these two have the other secret alliance, thanks to Jan's immense manipulative skills. Anyone care to watch yet another of Jake's adventure stories?
 
"And Penny... Wouldn't it be fun to see and hear exactly what Penny thinks of each and every one of you? Believe me, it isn't nice.
 
"So, which video do you want to watch first?"
 
The Tribe has Spoken
 
After 3 hours of the greatest tribal council ever where they even brought back the two greatest speechmakers - Susan Hawk and Tammy the crime reporter from Survivor Marquesas, Penny was booted from the island.
 
And we end with the typical, pithy comment from Jeff Probst, "Well, guys, after tonight's tribal council, I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. It's been a long day. Head on back to camp."  
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Ok, well that sure was silly.
 
What really happened
 
The episode begins with Jake trying to explain to Ted why he got three votes. Even though Jake was telling the truth (someone from Chuay Gahn suggested Ted - it was Clay, who, in addition to Brian, is playing a dang good game), Jake has been labeled, "Jake the Snake."
 
Everyone is hungry. They're eating chicken feed and are begging for food, which segues into the reward challenge with the reward involving food.
 
The challenge was a pretty nifty 4-stage obstacle course, which pitted the survivors against each other. The reward being a special Thai experience in which, as Jeff explained, "Visa, baby, is picking up the tab!"
 
Jake didn't get a partner so he had to sit out. Near the end, Clay had to choose between Brian and Ted and Clay chose Brian, who ended up winning the challenge. Brian then got to choose someone to share the reward. He chose Clay.
 
Ted was bothered that Brian chose Clay, which opened Ted's eyes that he's not in as strong a bond with Brian as he thought.  
 
During their reward, they got a boat ride, a helicopter ride, then a bus/van ride into the jungle where they were greeted by an elephant and a "Thai lady with two things of juice." Brian was terrified of the elephant. Clay liked it. "Nice ass" he said. Then the elephant farted, more than once even. Finally, they got an excellent meal of Thai food, which had absolutely nothing to do with the elephant fart, thankfully.
 
Back at camp, Jake heads out with Helen to get water and he speaks yet another truth that Helen dismissed; "Just between you and I, Brian and Clay are going to win the game." He tried to convince Helen that the only way she can win is to get rid of these two. She pretended to be intrigued by the idea but ended up just calling him "Jake the Snake." I imagine Helen is kicking herself now as she watches herself on TV.
 
Brian and Clay brought back beer and shrimp and soup in a canteen. Everyone loved them and oohed and aahed over the delicious feast.
 
Jake and Penny comment about how Chuay Gahn doesn't talk strategy or vote as an alliance. "And if they do, I never see it," says Penny.
 
Penny also explains how she is fighting for her life and that she must do something - anything - to stay alive. And what this means is she's going to dump Jake and try to make it clear that she's no longer connected to him. Of course, this is too little too late. And thus, everyone will simply see her as a backstabbing person instead of someone fighting for her life.
 
Clay affirms to Penny that she's in the final four. "Everybody that's asked me, 'Who's going to be in the final four?' I kick out a person and put in their name. I've done it with everybody up there. I'm going to continue to do it. And if they don't think I'm not, that'll be real damn stupid for Clay to say, 'Penny, you're not in the final four' and put her totally against me."
 
Some people don't like how Clay's playing. To me, this is exactly what needs to be done in order to win. He's right. If he was honest to everybody and told them, "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to vote you out soon" then they'd all be trying to kick him off the island.
 
The only problem with what Clay (and Brian) is doing is that eventually people are going to start comparing notes and realize they are getting played.
 
The immunity challenge consisted of a test of their knowledge of Thai culture. If they get a right answer, they get to snuff out somebody else's torch. Each person starts with three.
 
Penny was the first person to snuff out a torch and who did she go to first? "Sending a little love to Jake," as Jeff explained. I think this little gesture just switched everyone's vote from Jake to Penny. It continued until only Helen and Ted were left. Ted answered incorrectly and Helen snuffed his last torch.
 
"Helen wins immunity!"
 
They promptly had to gather their belongings and head out to Tribal Council where Jeff continues to do his best to cause a stir. Jake spoke up and basically challenged Chuay Gahn on their reasons for voting Ken out. Penny hated being associated with Jake, "I feel very vulnerable as I'm sure Penny does as well."  
 
Jake's little speech annoyed Clay who decided to go against his tribe and vote Jake instead of Penny. Penny actually voted to boot Jake in one last waste-of-effort dying gesture.
 
"The tenth person voted out of the tribe. Penny, the tribe has spoken."
 
Previews of the Next Episode
 
The next episode is a "best of" episode. They claim that they show scenes "Never before seen" but I have yet to see one of these episodes with anything really new. For example, based on how the producers depicted Erin, the only reason she was selected was because of her beautilicious body. I'm sorry, Erin. Maybe you have a mind. Maybe you have substance. But I'm just not allowed to see it. Even in the opening montage, everyone else we see their face next to their name. Not with Erin. You see her name and her massive cleavage. So, Erin's ass... "Never before seen"??
 
 
This is too bad. They have thousands of hours of footage. They could very easily put together scenes we really haven't seen before, but frankly I'll be surprised if there are more than five minutes of anything new.
 
'Nuf said.
 
 
 
------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------
 
Have any comments? Difference of opinion? Further insight? I can't imagine that everyone agrees with my opinionated self. Email me at [email protected].
 
And, as always, visit my Survivor Index page and www.LetusPonder.com for my short stories.
 
Thank you for reading my crap!
 
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #10 on: Dec 11th, 2002, 1:53pm »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_episode12.html
 
Episode 12: Loved Ones Eat the Crap

 
After being away for almost six years, the survivors are visited by their loved ones and they cry and hug a lot.
 
Chuay Jai: Night 30
 
Jan opened the episode with this comment, "During tribal council, Jake said, 'I feel like I'm one of the hardest workers out here - a lot harder worker than some of the others in the tribe' and Clay doesn't really simmer with things like that really well."
 
And we see that he doesn't, going so far as to say he knows who's name is coming up in the next tribal council.
 
Helen adds, "Quite frankly I don't think Clay liked that claim because it was true: Jake does more than Clay. Why do you think Clay got upset?"
 
Then we see Clay challenging Jake on his statement, saying that he slapped all five of them in the face. As I watched, I mouthed the words I wanted Jake to say, "Clay, you don't do much work around here. Everyone knows it and throwing a little temper tantrum isn't going to change the facts. I wish everyone would stop playing this alliance crap and vote out the one person who's able to play all of you against each other. Why did I vote for Ted? Because Clay told me you guys were bothered with him when he went out alone in the boat. Open your eyes people!"
 
But alas, Jake played nicey-nice. And if you're outnumbered, nicey-nice is the surest way to allow tribal alliances to remain. In other words, if Jake doesn't stir things up a lot more than he's doing now, he's definitely the next to go.
 
Then we see Clay laughing to Ted about what he just put Jake through, almost as if Clay raised the big stink on purpose. There's definitely one thing to be said about Clay, he enjoys himself in most everything he does - even if it's causing emotional harm and smelling elephant farts.
 
30 days, six years - feels all the same in Survivor-land
 
A beautiful sunrise finds the tribe members staring into space, thinking about how much they miss their families. I know that they're thinking about their families because this is the episode where they bring family members onto the island.
 
Clay can smell it. He can smell that their time on the island is about to end and they'll be back with their families again.  
 
We see Jake writing in his journal to his wife. This is one thing that I always enjoy seeing - two people who are truly in love with each other.
 
Cave Mail leads to Group Hug Action
 
Cave mail brings a little container and rice, announcing a food reward challenge. They were so excited about getting food. They didn't ponder the statement, "...give you a smile, maybe a tear to your eye..." But that's ok because I've seen the previews and I know family members are coming and I just can't wait to see their surprised, excited faces.
 
And they group hugged. Someday, something really strange may happen and I'll be in a position with maybe some of you reading this where it'll require a group hug. I have to warn you now; I'm not a big group hug fan. I won't outright refuse to hug, but the positive energy just won't be there. I'll be thinking, "How long is this going to last? I mean, is this a two-second hug or one of those long ones where they start talking to each other? Will they notice if I don't return the squeeze on this strange guy's sweaty palms?"
 
Reward Challenge
 
"Ok guys, today we're going to show you the reward before we show you the challenge."
 
Helen's husband walks through the jungle and she squeals and squeals. Ted's brother does the same and they give each other a big, "YO-O-O-O."
 
"Brian, say hello to your wife, C.C." says Jeff.
 
"Oh my God," grunts Brian. "Did she have to wear the outfit she wore in Bikini Hotel?" It's clear that he's happy to see her but it's also clear that he's worried about letting her speak.
 
Unsurprisingly, Jake and Jenny cry at the sight of each other. And it's very clear that Clay and his wife are also very much in love.
 
Jan's son is the last to walk on the scene and as much as I wanted to see a little Jan-loopiness in him, I didn't. A good-looking kid, probably as proud of her as she is of him.
 
The winner of this challenge, their loved one gets to spend 24 hours as an honorary member back at the tribe. The losers, "Nothing. Hear me clearly. Not a kiss. Not a hug. Not a handshake."
 
Jeff says that they've lived on this island without needing to resort to eating the bugs and insects on the island. "But what I'm curious about is would you eat those bugs and insects if it meant getting to spend one full day with your loved one?"
 
"Absolutely!"
 
"Pick the sum-bitch up, I'll eat it. I'm ready," says Clay.
 
"And you know what, I believe you," Jeff continues. "I believe all of you would do anything. The question is..." DUM-DUM-DUMMM! "Would THEY?"
 
Cool! Instead of the starving Survivors having to eat the gross food, their cleaned and showered and well-fed loved ones will have to chow down.
 
YIPPEE! A gross food challenge. Back in my Manly Man days, I commented about how it's quite a thrill to see babes swallow gross stuff. It still is. This probably makes me pretty whacked, but I can't help it. Babes eating gross stuff is just cool.
 
Gross Food Challenge
 
"Did you guys bring an appetite?" Jeff asks with glee.  
 
1st course: red ants and flying ants, cooked and placed on a big spoon.
 
"Oh, they're dead," Jeff says. "Nothing in there gonna hurt you. Nothing in there that's bad for you. Just like cereal."
 
They all chow with not much trouble. CC does a little dance to work them down and Clay comments, "Uh oh, she's got it going now!"
 
Mouths open. They all did it.
 
2nd course: water roach.
 
Now this one was gross. A huge cockroach. When they bite into it, water and guts squirt out. CC watches everyone and doesn't even start.
 
Helen's husband starts choking and Helen yells/begs, "Hey! Don't you dare!" He chokes some more and I wonder if he barfs then picks up the barfed up pieces and eats them, is he still in the game? (Now THAT would be gross!)
 
Clay's wife starts to choke as well and Clay says, "That's ok, babe." I'd be the same way. I'd say, "Honey-baby, I want to see you more than anything but if you can't eat that thing, don't worry about it. I'll see you in a week."
 
Ted's brother finishes first, followed by Jan's son, Jake's soulmate, Clay's wife, and Helen's husband. CC says, "Dude, I'm out." Who'd a thunk that bikini babe b-list actresses say "dude."
 
Next course: Live grubs. Three of them, 3-4 inches long, squirming, wiggling, crying out, "Don't eat me. I am really gross!"
 
With each of these I imagine what I would do if I had to eat. The huge cockroach would've been difficult. With the live grubs, I resolve that I could in no way bite them in two. I'd have to swallow them whole. But then I wonder how long they'd crawl around in my stomach, alive, until they die.
 
I recall the times I had fun as a hypnotist. I remember telling people a lemon was a succulent orange and they ate that thing without the slightest pucker. What would I tell myself is the live grub? Gummy Worms would work. Maybe manicotti.  
 
"This is a timed trial. The first two to finish move on," Jeff says. "3 - 2 - 1 Go."
 
Helen's husband finishes first, with Jake's Jenny a distant second.
 
If I were the others, who happened to use the chew method, I'd be like, "Goddammit. Even if I spit this thing out, I still have live grub guts in my mouth."
 
I was sad to see Ted's brother go. I thought that he would be the most interesting person to visit. Oh, and I would've loved for CC to remain just to see what how Brian handled it. Ah well. Two normal people remain.
 
While sappy romantic music played in the background, Clay's wife left with both of them crying and with a game of "I love you" tennis:
 
"I love you," she says.
 
"I love you," he says.
 
"I love you," she says.
 
"I love YOU," he says.
 
And so on.
 
I make fun but as I said earlier, it's nice to see people truly in love.
 
Back to the gross food...
 
A tarantula. "It's got a lot of fur on it, but it's absolutely harmless," Jeff builds up the suspense by allowing a live spider to crawl on his arm.
 
Jenny begs, "You're not going to make us eat that, are you?"
 
"That one's alive." Jeff pulls out a fancy, covered dish and reveals another tarantula, "That's been boiled." It looks exactly the same.
 
I'd be working on the self-hypnosis, "This is Maryland blue crabs. This is Maryland blue crabs..."
 
They have one minute. If both don't finish it in time, they both go home. Jenny has spider issues and it's not looking good. Jeff doesn't give them any time to think. "You have 60 seconds. Your time begins now."
 
They both dig right in. ("Maryland blue crabs. Maryland blue crabs...") Helen's husband chokes. Jenny chokes. After a rough time, they both finish.
 
Boiled scorpion. "First one to finish gets 24 hours with their loved one. The loser goes home. Go."
 
Helen constantly chatters, "Please! I need it. Please! Just swallow it. Please!"
 
They both have a difficult time. They both take a long time, but Jim finishes first. Helen squeals and runs into his arms.
 
Honorary Tribemember Jim
 
Jim is surprised at how well Helen has adapted. "This is not the Helen I know." People ask him if she talks recipes. They were given the honeymoon suite and they had a "very nice evening talking talking talking talking talking..." Helen discusses strategy and we see them lovingly spooning the night away.
 
The next day, they go on a water run, discuss more strategy, and just enjoy each other's company. She shows him her world. Jim says, "I'm a little bit surprised at how well Helen is able to adapt to this. She's the one where a 2-star hotel is roughing it. She's adapted wonderfully. I haven't heard her complain about anything. She's gonna do what it takes to win the game. She didn't come here to come in third."
 
She says that Clay can't be trusted. She trusts Brian. Jim sees the game from an unbiased, unemotional point of view and Helen would do well to listen to him. He suggests getting rid of Brian because he's the biggest threat. Helen says that morally, she wouldn't be in the game if it weren't for Brian and she's not going to begrudge him of a million dollars.  
 
Isn't it funny how people forget that it's a game between virtual strangers - a game where the prize is a million dollars and that others are also trying to win?
 
The boat comes to take Jim away and Helen's emotions are ripped to shreds. "Spending a day with Jim was the huge mountaintop high and then the crushing low. In a strange way, I almost didn't wish it happened, because the lows are so low."
 
Sad music plays as Helen cries and looks off to the boat disappearing in the distance.
 
Chuay Jai: Day 33
 
Cave mail announces another puzzle immunity challenge. Jake states that he absolutely must win and that, "Jenny gave me so much inspiration, I really feel like today I could run through a brick wall." Unfortunately for Jake, this challenge has nothing to do with running OR brick walls.
 
Jeff says, "Let's get to today's challenge. You're going to build a cube. There are eight pieces to the cube. The pieces fit together only one way."
 
Then he asks Helen how it was to have Jim on the island. They talked a bit then Jeff said, "Jenny didn't want to leave. NONE of them wanted to leave. Funny thing is... they didn't."
 
"What?"
 
And our emotional heart-strings are tugged yet again as the loved ones come bounding onto the beach to shouts of glee and hugs galore. Happy love music plays and it's pretty much impossible not to smile along with this Hollywood-scripted moment.
 
(I say Hollywood-scripted because the general Hollywood formula is that two people meet, but something keeps them apart. They finally give in and they fall in love and rejoice. But something happens (they have a fight or a misunderstanding or somehow lose each other's number), which causes them to separate, expecting never to see each other again. They get sad and we feel their sadness as they fight to move on with their lives. And finally, magic happens and against all odds they are brought back together again with majestic happy love music, kisses and hugs. I really wish Hollywood had the balls to give us new storylines.)
 
Anyway, the loved ones get to help in the immunity challenge. The pairs are tied together at the wrist and they must put together the cube puzzle. Ok, this takes place after a LENGTHY time of crying and hugs. Plus, I found it very interesting that we were privy to Brian's comments to CC during their hug, "I've got a plan going on, too, big time."
 
I wonder what his big plan is. Of course, everyone there has a plan they're trying to work so it's not all that big of a deal. I just found it interesting that during their very brief moment together, Brian's mind is still totally on the game. It was also interesting to hear Brian say, "H, we've got blue" when he saw Helen grabbing the blue blocks.
 
Throughout the challenge, Ted and his brother seemed to be ahead of the others.
 
"Big Ted wins Immunity!"
 
Majestic love happy music plays as they hug and say goodbye one last time.
 
Who should we boot?
 
Jake is no longer worried about the game and he seems resolved that it's going to be him. "I went in to today knowing that I had to win immunity. Now it doesn't matter. Because I know what's important."
 
Helen pulls Brian aside to discuss strategy, "I don't trust Clay." And she also mentioned to the cameras, "Pulling in Ted and Jan and trying to form a threesome and taking out Clay."
 
Brian gives a classic non-committal response, as he wipes his nose (is this a non-verbal cover-up-my-mouth-because-it's-lying gesture?), "I hear you...uhh... what you're saying... and I'm uhh... I'm considering that as well." Also, I'm going to start paying closer attention to the times when Brian speaks. When he has definite thoughts, like to the cameras, he doesn't say a bunch of "Umms" and "Uhhs." But as he just discussed strategy with Helen, what I wrote was exact. Is this another clue as to when Brian is lying? I'll pay more attention to see if I can tell.
 
Helen is trying to boot Clay. This is clear. But her biggest reasons are because Clay doesn't do much work. What about the game? How does Clay fit in to her winning a million dollars? Who has he bonded with? Who will he boot? Is he likely to make an alliance against her or with her? THIS is what she should be thinking about. Not if he works or not. (Or has money. Ugh.)
 
Without one single "uhh," Brian says to the cameras, "This is where practical, logical business sense comes into mind. And you've got to keep your mind open and then adapt accordingly. Switch, jump ships here, because this is a game of survival. And this is a game. It's just a matter of who trusts who the most. That's where we're at right now. Who's got a little bit of control. Right now, I've got a little bit of both."
 
Tribal Council
 
As the members of the jury stroll in, I instantly think, "Whoa! Penny cleans up well! She should wear her hair down more often."  
 
So, did Helen succeed in convincing Brian, Ted, and Jan to boot Clay? Actually, she only needed to convince Ted and Jan and then tell Jake not to vote for Jan again (which totally confuses me. Why the hell is Jake voting for Jan?).
 
As many of you already know, this is my least favorite part of the show. Basically, what we learned was that everyone likes each other and no one wants to vote anyone out.  
 
Brian is asked if he's voting to get rid of somebody or voting for who you want to keep around. Notice all the "uhhs" in his response. "Well, at this point in the game we still do have a little time. But, uhh... I'm thinking the person who, uhh... is probably not going to be here tonight uhh... brought this upon himself... uhh... with certain actions and certain uhh... events that uhh... could've been, uhh... prevented, I think. Simple as that. It's about moving forward."
 
I like how he couldn't NOT stick in at least one cliché there in the end. Plus, I counted seven "uhhs" in just that brief statement. How is it that in his lengthier statement to the cameras, he had not one "uhh" but here we see almost 2-per sentence on average? Hmmm...
 
Time to Vote
 
Well, with a unanimous Chuay Gahn vote, Jake was booted. (And he voted for Jan again...??)
 
Is this the first time in Survivor history that the last five people were from the same tribe? I think so, but I'm too lazy to visit the CBS site to verify this.  
 
As Jeff stated, "All five of you are from the same tribe. This game is about to get very, very complicated."
 
Yippee! Maybe the show will get juicy again.
 
A lot of people seem to think that Clay is going to win or be in the final. I'm not so sure. I'm wondering if Helen can convince Jan to vote with her. I also wonder how much Brian thinks he needs Clay in order to win. Plus, it once seemed as though Ted and Brian had a bond, but seeing how, in the previews, Ted was writing secret notes to Helen in the sand behind Clay, I'm wondering if Helen and Ted might team up (with Jan maybe?) and vote out Clay.
 
Who will Brian side with? And who will Ted side with? Those are my two burning questions. Plus, here's Jan's chance to show the world that she has a brain. Will she?
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #11 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 9:14am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
Final Episode First Half: Helen Betrayed
 
We're down to the final four and during post-tribal council night vision comments, Clay says that they told Ted it was going to be Jan to go and that Ted must've been very surprised to see his name pop up three times.
 
I'm sure he was shocked because of what he was told, but even he expected to be voted out. He knew he was a threat to win immunity and he expected them to be gunning for him. This was why he asked Brian if he was the next to go. Brian, as was needed so that Ted didn't go and stir things up with Helen and Jan, told Ted to calm down and vote for Jan.
 
We'll later see how Ted is angry that the others played a game to win a million dollars.
 
As a way of remembering the 12 fallen survivors, they were given various arts and crafts items to make lotus-shaped boats for each of the 12. While everyone made the boats, Brian confirmed what we've seen the entire series - that he's still in business-mode and that he's much happier to still be there than seeing his name on one of those boats.
 
Clay says to Brian, "We've got to win immunity today" and Brian agrees, showing us their final two alliance. Of course, with Brian, it's hard to tell because he says and does whatever the person he's talking to needs to hear or see.
 
Cave Mail
 
Helen reads the Immunity Challenge announcement, "Only fools repeat mistakes and hindsight is 20/20. So cash in on what you've learned and get closer to the money."
 
Brian says, "That's obvious, what it is."
"Yeah," Helen chimes in confidently, mildly pretending to have a clue.
Clay and Jan... well, at last Clay admits he's clueless, "What?"
Jan explains, "What we've learned..." as if that actually means something and Clay pretends to understand while the others continue to stare at the announcement, clueless.
 
It was like a group of guys talking to a babe in a bar who's a lot smarter than them and she says, "It was a joke, get it? In each atom, the nucleus has the protons and neutrons while the electrons spin around and combine with other atoms."
 
"Oh yeah!"
"I get it. Sure."
"Electrons... duh."
 
Immunity Challenge
 
The immunity challenge is called "Second Chance" and consists of a series of stations that were in previous challenges. Since Helen and Jan couldn't walk across a 10-foot bamboo pole without falling off, the race was between Brian and Clay.
 
Brian took forever to dig a ball from the sand and it seemed like Clay would win the challenge easily until he pulled a Ghandia. He simply could not solve the shifting block puzzle and Brian was able to not only catch up but leave him standing there confused. (This puzzle is like the parking garage game, http://www.starzhead.com/00parkinglot.html which is one of my favorite puzzle games ever. Go play and you'll find yourself not wanting to stop.)
 
With a several minute lead, Brian takes his time chowing down a boiled tarantula. Seeing that the others weren't even close, Jeff takes his time before shouting out the obvious...
 
"Brian wins Immunity!"
 
Who should go?
 
Who should go?
 
Recall last week when Helen and Ted were writing the pecking order in the sand? Well, apparently, they were spotted doing this (by a pretending-to-sleep Jan, we'll later learn) and this understandably creates distrust in the minds of Clay and Brian. "Oh my gosh! Helen may not give up and let us win after all."
 
(Helen had begged Jan to vote with her and Ted to boot Brian and Clay - we learned during the reunion show - which was exactly as Jake said needed to be done. But Jan, just as I started to think she wasn't as loopy as she seemed, didn't even realize what Helen was asking.)
 
Brian tells Jan, "It's Helen time" and she just goes along without so much as a thought that neither Brian nor Clay will allow her in the final. If she votes with Helen to boot Clay, it's a 2-2 Helen-Clay tie and she has a chance to win. All she had to do was say to Helen, "They told me it's your time to go. Let's get Clay while we can."
 
But alas, Jan did exactly as I predicted and mindlessly went along with whatever Brian told her. (In fact, my predictions were so right on, and not just in predicting the final two and the winner - because almost everyone did this - but in predicting what they would think and do. It's almost as if I had information before the final episode. Hmmm...)
 
Brian and Clay assure Helen that Jan's a definite to go and also (and this is why they deserve to be in the Final Two) convince Helen that it's best not to tell Jan. Had Helen told Jan, the truth would've come out and Helen would've been pissed and everyone wouldn't be debating who played the game best, Brian or Richard Hatch.
 
But Helen believed them and went along with only a little hesitation.
 
Tribal Council
 
Jeff brings up the fact that someone, Ted, was clearly being lied to in the last tribal council. "So now we have a jury made up of four Sook Jai members and one of your own Chuay Gahn members who, for all intents and purposes, you betrayed."
 
And Jeff is absolutely right. This is definitely the most alienated jury ever. Thankfully, there wasn't a repeat of previous survivor juries where all but one or two people ask useless questions. I remember Tammy's excellent speech from Survivor Marquesas and Sue Hawk's is still remembered and talked about. But do you remember any other jury moment? If so, maybe just a few out of the prior 28 jury members.
 
Jeff does not allow anyone off the hook (finally!). He repeatedly puts the four on the spot about lying to Ted and then isn't satisfied with any non-response. He pushes and pushes, never pointing out anything but the truth, and I give him most of the credit for the greatest jury episode ever.
 
But I also appreciate how Clay and Brian are not afraid to point out that it's a game and in order to win the million-dollar prize, people are probably going to be lied to.
 
Time to vote. Helen saw her name three times and she was pissed. "Helen, the tribe has spoken."
 
This left as the final three:
 
Jan, Brian, and Clay.
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Re: Manly Thoughts
« Reply #12 on: Dec 25th, 2002, 9:40am »		 Quote Quote Modify Modify
http://www.manlythoughts.com/s5_jurysession.html
 
Survivor Thailand: Jury Session  
(Exact Transcript and commentary)
 
In this article, I briefly recap the last hour of the show and more importantly, provide an exact transcript of the best jury session ever.
 
It's down to the Final Three in Survivor Thailand. All that's left in the show is a bit of reminiscing, one last immunity challenge, and the jury session.
 
This group of Survivors has been an excellent cross-section of typical America. Sure, the series may have been not so entertaining as a result, but I'd say this is mostly due to the producer's and writer's decisions to continually rehash what we've already seen instead of simply allowing us to get to know these people better.
 
And it took until this last episode for us to finally see this group do their thing. The only thing that could've made this jury session better is the beloved Shii Ann were there.
 
Jeff just pointed out how the jury consists of five Sook Jai members and Ted, who was blatantly lied to. And now, Helen joins this jury more rightfully pissed than any of the others even thought to be. In her final words, she said, "So, the three of you are left... break a leg. And I mean it."
 
Back at camp after the Tribal Council, the cameramen (or whomever) had already placed in the cave mailbox Helen's items for her lotus flower boat, called a krathong. With no time to grieve their loss, they set out to craft her boat.
 
Early the next morning, a most beautiful sunrise greets the remaining three, soon followed by Jeff in a boat. He comes with the things they'll need for their final rite of passage.
 
It is at this point in the episode when they relived moments of the evicted survivors. Instead of detailing this, I'm going to write an "Ode to Fallen Comrades" article - a scrapbook article, so to speak - just like they did with the lotus-shaped boats. This will consist of many peoples' memories in addition to mine. I've asked a number of people to share what they think helps define each survivor, moments that stood out in their mind. Check back soon for this warm bundle of memories.
 
Immunity Challenge
 
After paddling their boat through a cave I'd love to explore, they arrived in a vast cavern with hundreds of candles called "The belly of the whale." The final challenge, a physical and mental endurance Challenge, is to take place in the darkest part of the cave, in the home of the pirates who used to rule the island.
 
From CBS' site: "First, the Survivors wedged three large coins between their fingers on both hands. Next, they positioned themselves in frames constructed to hold them in an uncomfortable traditional Thai stance called a Kahn.
 
Last person standing with all their coins in their hands would win Immunity. With the temperature above one hundred degrees, the game began as each Castaway concentrated on blocking out the pain. As their legs began to ache, Jan Gentry and Clay Jordan couldn't endure, and they both let the money literally slip through their fingers. Brian won the Immunity Necklace for the third time in a row, guaranteeing him a spot in the Final Two."
 
At the tribal council, Brian wisely chose to eliminate the more-liked Jan and brought Clay to the final.
 
After ceremoniously burning their canoe they fought with for so long and after some final thoughts, thanks, and congratulations, we enter into the highlight of the season...
 
The Jury Session
 
(James Barber writes a column "Survivor Barbs" over at SurvivorFever.net. When I read his article about this final episode, I found myself agreeing so much with what he said I asked if I could include some of it here. I'm going to put his comments in GREEN but you should visit his article to read it in its entirety.)
 
The jury portion was fascinating and repulsive all at once. Most of the players this season have been clones of each other, and for the first time, we got to see these people for what they actually were.
 
Jeff explains, "We'll begin with opening statements by the two of you - why you deserve to win this game."
 
Clay's opening statement:
 
"Wow. What do I say besides I'm a lucky guy? I'm sitting here and I'm not sitting over there. The hard part of this game is we're people, we're not pieces of a puzzle and somewhere in there, I had to tell some untruths and put you all over there. And I can promise you this, if you all can replace my seat, you all would do exactly like I did. Everybody came to play the hardest they can and I did, too. And I'm sitting over here."
 
(At this point, I was wondering something. As a reader pointed out to me, there's a chance that Clay will mention his bankruptcy in an emotional, hard-luck plea for the million. Will he do it? It's a pretty low tactic but hey, this is for a million dollars.)
 
"This is a hard thing to say. Yes, I want the million. A million dollars at age 46 with me, definitely a life-changing deal. Everybody goes through bad luck and unfortunately I'm just coming out of a little bad luck and starting on my road up again and what a jump, what a boost up that would give me. That's up to you all and, uh...
 
"I know this is a super-hard decision and regardless of the decision you make, you all have to live with the both of us for a while. Good luck."
 
(Well, Clay could work a little on his kiss-ass skills, but it's nice to see some honesty. Too many times we've heard, "I just love everyone and whatever you decide is fine with me. I'm just happy to have had this experience." Barf.)
 
Brian's opening statement:
 
"Well, first of all, I just want to say that it's been a pleasure, uh... knowing each and every one of you..."
 
(Brian is much better at the kiss-ass, but he's already said one "uh..." which is his little signal to me that he's bs'ing and not speaking from his heart.)
 
"... During these uh... days, that we've had to know each other, uh... we've all had positive experiences and we all had some bad experiences. And I think that there's been some form of leadership through example, leadership through merits."
 
(I'll try to stop writing the "uhs..." which decreased in frequency but still popped up now and then.)
 
"There's been no complaints on my part. There's been no stories fabricated for sympathy..." (Camera flash to Clay) "There's been just a positive outlook, I think, every day on a daily basis. But you know my focus. My focus was making sure everything was OK, making sure we all had food in our bellies, making sure we were all warm at night. Along the way you develop some friends, but this is a game and there were certain people that had to go before others and that's what sucked. But I dealt with it the best way I could, sometimes by not saying anything.
 
"So, vote from your hearts and look at the whole time that we've either known each other and feel good about it. That's all I'm asking for, is you guys feel good about whatever you're going to do. And I respect every one of you in your own way. It's been a pleasure knowing you all. I appreciate it. Thank you."
 
Jeff gives the jury a moment to think about what Brian and Clay said, then invites Erin up for her question.
 
Erin
 
"I sat and listened through every single tribal council. Now, we've already heard why you think you DESERVE the million dollars. Now I want to know why each of you think the person sitting next to you does NOT deserve the million dollars. I think we'll start with Brian."
 
(Great question, Erin. It's a shame CBS insisted only on showing us your breasts and babeness because I believe there's a lot more to you. I would enjoy interviewing you to discover that yet-to-see person. And this question and how it was presented proves that there's probably more there.
 
Erin, who barely knew Chuay Gahn and was not voted out by them, was calm, composed, and classy. She has consistently been the only Sook Jai to truly admit her team's failures instead of playing the victim, and for that plus her jury question, I have to respect her.)
 
Brian's response to Erin:
"I think Clay does not deserve the million because over a period of, say, 34 days, he did not put forth the effort that he could've. There's a lot more spunk in this little man than I think we've seen. And uh... I think he coasted through a few scenarios. He was more of a thinker when I was more of a doer."
 
Clay's response to Erin:
"He thought he was the leader of the camp and there was times that he thought everybody should come to him and they didn't know they had to talk to Brian. There were other tribe members they could go discuss things with without him getting defensive or trying to worry about what they're talking about. If he had that much power in the camp, he hadn't ought to worry about that."
 
(What? I have no idea what this meant. Also note, I'm typing this verbatim. Clay sometimes says "was" when he should say "were" among other grammar imperfections. But hey, that's part of his charm.)
 
Ken
 
"Clay, you said there's not a person over here that wouldn't do what you did to change places. Well, you're wrong. I wouldn’t do it. I was straightforward to everybody, never lied. And I kept my integrity. That's what I go home with. Because that's the only thing a man can go home with every night if everything's gone."
 
(And this is exactly all that Ken's going home with. So what if you kept your integrity. You lost. So what if Clay lied a bit to win the game. It's not like he said anything to hurt anyone's integrity or did anything to hurt anyone directly. And he never once purposely lost a challenge so a tribe member could be booted.)
 
Clay says, "OK" and I guess that was all Ken had for Clay.
 
"Brian, when we first arrived at Chuay Gahn, you told me that Ted had to go, that he'd never make it to the final two and there's a reason he wouldn't make it to the final two. So why don't you tell the jury why he had to go."
 
Brian's exchange with Ken:
 
(Brian looks a little confused, as am I. I remember Clay saying Ted had to go. Not Brian. Is it possible Ken is confused? I can't imagine that he'd forget who told him this, but I definitely remember this coming from Clay. But it's always possible they edited out Brian saying this.)
 
Brian responds with hesitation and confusion, "I didn't ever mention Ted had to go..."
 
"Let's rewind again," Ken says. "Remember, I know the answer to this. You told me this, so just tell the jury what you told me. Why did Ted have to go? That's all I want to know."
 
"Ted had to go because he had a problem forming together with the group. So there was a feeling of Ted kind of breaking off, doing his own thing. So that was the reason why, I think... the lack of gelling with the group. Simple as that."
 
Jeff senses there's something more and cuts in, "Again, I just want to make sure I'm clear. Brian told you something..."
 
"Well, Brian just told me two different things," Ken says. "Which neither one of them are what he told me when this was originally done here, when we originally talked about it. There's no big deal here. I'm satisfied. I'm not going to push it anymore."
 
Jeff asks, "Did you get the honesty?" (I'm liking how Jeff is stirring things up.)
 
"No, I did not."
 
"Ok. And you're satisfied?"
 
"I'm satsified," says Ken. "That's between him and God."
 
(At this point, if I were Brian, I wouldn't let it end like this. It's clear who Ken is voting to win. I would've asked him, "What did I say? Why don't you tell us, because I know for a fact that it came from someone else and you're just confused."
 
Is a policeman's word automatically more sound than a used car salesman's? I'm guessing that Ken didn't watch Survivor Marquesas' final as both Neleh and Vecepia did the same moral high road crap and annoyed the entire viewing public.)
 
Penny
 
"When we came into this merger, we obviously didn't have the numbers. We were down five to three. But knowing that I was just a number and I was eventually going to be voted off based on that, I still took the time to get to know both of you. But did you really bother to get to know who I am? Because I'm a beautiful woman and a former cheerleader and heaven forbid if someone didn't have a desire to want to spend time with me to get to know me better. For example, Brian, do you know where I grew up?"
 
(Remember my rule: Italics means I might be making things up.)
 
"Do I CARE where you grew up? No. In Texas. Umm... I'm going to say Beaumont. Somewhere Beaumont, Texas," Brian says.
 
"That would be Jan," Penny smirks.
 
Penny continues at Brian, "Do I have any siblings? And if I do, what are their names?"
 
"You've got... an older brother. Or an older sister..."
 
"No. I'm the oldest," Penny says.
 
"You're the oldest. Ok. And I don't know their names. And I don't give a crap because I didn't feel it was necessary to kiss your snobby little ass. Oh, and where did I grow up? How many brothers and sisters do I have? Or how about this... can you tell me about Helen's siblings? Or Teds? Tell me about their childhood. Did you really take much of an interest in anyone or did you stand on the outskirts of camp with Erin and make judgmental faces at this older, less attractive group of people? And did you make nicey-nice only so that they would like you and maybe not kick your ass off this island?"
 
After asking Brian specific questions, Penny throws Clay a softball, "Is there anything you want to add, Clay?"
 
(In Penny's defense, she probably did this knowing she and Brian never talked, while she and Clay did. Of course, this is no surprise since Clay is an ass-man - and Penny definitely has a beautilious behind - while Brian has had pretend-sex on camera with many naked women far better-looking than Penny.)
 
Clay jumps in with his response because he knows the answer to this one! "I know you are a HUGE Texas Tech Red Raider fan and I'm really impressed that Colleen, your future sister-in-law, is planning your wedding. When you was in high school, you made a huge decision and you weren't living with daddy and went to living with your mother. You didn't get to spend all your childhood with your sister and you really do regret that. But you all have got a really good relationship going now. I don't know what else to tell you..."
 
"That's fine. I'm satisfied. I just made Brian look bad and I'm happy. Thank you. Good luck."
 
Jake opens up with a nice word and demonstrates that rare skill of still being able to be liked even if he's stabbing that knife in you and twisting it around:
 
"Hi guys. You're kind of in the hot seat tonight, aren't you?"
 
(Yes they are and I am loving it! What a great jury session this is turning out to be.)
 
He continues, "I'm kind of glad, in a way, that I'm over on this side of the fire and not on that side. I also want to tell you that, I don't know how you did it, but boy did you all do a number on me by taking a person who I had a strong alliance with and getting her to vote against me - and that was Penny - which I thought was just a clever manipulative move."
 
(Yeah, like Penny was manipulated into doing this. She was trying to save her own behind at Jake's expense and it's a shame that Jake, who's been so insightful, has no clue about why Penny wanted to distance herself from him.)
 
Jake goes on, "On that very night, Jeff asked, 'Does anyone feel like they might get voted out?' And I said, 'I feel pretty vulnerable tonight. I'm just excited that Brian stated the vote was going to be on performance. Because let me tell you, I do know I performed as good as anybody out there and probably better than most.'
 
"Now, we had just gotten back to camp and Clay, you really blasted me about the fact that I'm next. My question is this: Why did you feel threatened for what I had said, which was only the same repeated what Brian said?"
 
Clay responds to Jake: "The reason that upset me... because when you came to camp, within 15 minutes, you started trying to make an alliance with me. Then, you tried to make an alliance with Ted. Then it came out you're talking to Brian trying to make another one with him. You was trying to play me with all of my own tribe members. You didn't think we weren't gonna talk? You were wrong."
 
(Wow. I love it that Clay isn't afraid to be brutally honest. Most people, especially those in previous Survivors, would've just apologized and said he'd hurt their feelings or some sappy lying feel-good kiss-ass forgive me please and give me the million dollars crap. Not Clay. And for that, I respect the guy's honesty.)
 
"Alright," Jake accepts Clay's response. "Now Brian, how did you feel at that point?"
 
Brian responds to Jake: "I was working hand-in-hand with you. You were out there clamming with me, getting food. No. At the time, I did not feel the same way, to answer your question."
 
"Satisfied?" Jeff asks.
 
"Satisfied," says Jake.
 
What's the score?
 
So far we've had a balanced question from Erin. Two questions biased in Clay's favor from Ken and Penny. And now, Jake just made Brian look good while pointing out Clay's biggest weakness.
 
Now let's get to Chuay Gahn. All along I have rolled my eyes at the constant references to Chuay Gahn being older and more mature. Older, yes, more mature, no, as several members proved tonight. There is a website called Reality TV Hall of Shame, and if I ran that site (which I obviously do not), I would immediately induct Helen and Ted as members. Their behavior was hypocritical at best and slanderous at worst.
 
I'm not that down on these two as Mr. Barber, but... well, you'll see.
 
Ted
 
"First to you, Brian. Brian, the way you played this game, you truly are a great car salesman. You sold me your friendship. You sold me your understanding of cultural diversity. And most of all, you sold me your word. All to find out that each of those qualities were lemons."
 
(Just because Brian lied to Ted at one point so as to get rid of a strong immunity threat doesn't mean his friendship and understanding of cultural diversity are lemons. I'm sure Brian can both play a game AND appreciate different cultures. Face it, Ted. You, Jan, and Helen had a chance to win and you blew it. You can't blame anyone but yourself.)
 
"Clay. You, on the other hand, you sit there only because you rode the coattails of Brian. I really really really did over-estimate you. You're nothing more than an ignorant southern redneck hillbilly," Ted says, stooping to a Jerry Springer low.
 
"That's fine," Clay says.
 
"My question to you is, how do you define a racist person?"
 
(Oh no, Ted. I really liked you. I saw you as a multi-faceted, multi-talented, intelligent, articulate individual. Please don't pull this racist crap, especially after having just called a guy from Mississippi "an ignorant southern redneck hillbilly.")
 
Clay is shocked, "I don't know of a racist word... I say it...?"
 
"So, you're basically telling me, behind my back you've never made any racist comments about me?"
 
"About you?! No! I didn't. If I did, I sure didn't mean to."
 
"Okay... So what is Clay's definition of a racist person?" Clay is still stunned, so Ted continues, "Well, my definition of a racist person is this..."
 
Clay sees where this is going and interrupts, "Ted, I think a racist person... that tries to belittle the other race, whether it's white, black, brown, pink, or purple, whatever."
 
(And if Clay's definition is accurate, Ted has proved himself to be a racist.)
 
Ted interrupts, "Ok, part two of this question. What can you say to convince me that you're worthy of my vote?"
 
"I was fair with Ted," says Clay, confusing both me and Ted.
 
"Fair with me?"
 
"Yeah."
 
"A hundred percent fair with me?"
 
"Yeah."
 
"Brian, is that true?" Ted asks.
 
After a sigh, Brian says, "No."
 
Clay sees how Ted is clearly against him and ends it, "I don't have anything else. That's it."
 
Ted knows the pain of being hit by hearsay, due to Ghandia's remarks against him. Helen tells Ted that Clay made a racist remark. Does Ted ask Clay this during the Q&A? No, he *assumes* Clay made these comments, because Clay is a "Southern redneck hillbilly" (these remarks are also prejudiced and racist, by the way), and tears Clay apart for words he NEVER HEARD CLAY SAY. Now we can assume that Clay spoke these words because he is Southern, or older, or a man, or white. Just as we can assume that because Ted was all over Ghandia from the early days of CG, he touched, rubbed, and bit her without permission.  
 
How would Ted like that? How would he feel if people went around telling him that they knew he assaulted her, because she said so, or because of his race? If they said, "you're a black man and black men can't resist groping women," he would be outraged, and rightfully so, because that is an ugly stereotype. Yet, he has NO problem foisting another ugly stereotype on Clay, on national television, with NO proof. He knows what it's like to have his reputation tainted, and he does the same to Clay, whom he never heard disparage him while they were on an island for 36 days together. Ted should be ashamed of himself. He is a complete and total hypocrite.
 
Perhaps (Clay did make a racist comment). However, given Clay's editing on the show, I really do think that if he had made these comments, they would have been shown. Boston Rob's remarks against women and homosexuals were shown. Tom made some very questionable statements, and these were shown. All that time to fill up, in a season that hid as much strategic gameplay as possible, and Mark Burnett wouldn't have included this racist comment, just to get a reaction from the public? I don't buy it. Until I see evidence, I do not believe Clay made any racist comment. Even if he is racist, he probably wouldn't say this in front of team members who could easily betray him. The idea of Clay automatically being a bigot just because of his background and race is very insulting and offensive.
 
Jan's questions:
 
"Hi guys. 38 days I was with ya'll - morning, noon, and night. Clay, I know you think you worked very, very hard. In comparing everything, I want you to explain to me that you worked harder than Brian in the total work of the water and the food and making the tribe live and survive on day-to-day."
 
Clay responds to Jan: "Ok, Jake already established the fact that everyone thinks Brian worked harder than me, but if you think repeating this point will make it more salient and if it helps you feel better about yourself, please continue to do so. As far as getting food, yes I very well did my share. As far as swimming and getting the water, he did swim a whole lot more than I did to go and get the water. I asked him, I said, 'Brian, I'll go.' He said, 'No, you got other things,' and uh... I said, 'Whenever you want me to go, I'm ready to go.' And he said, 'No, I got it.' And so I stayed at the house."
 
Jan faces Brian. "Now Brian, will you defend your comparison of the work load as compared to Clay, please?"
 
Brian responds to Jan:"On a daily basis I would clam. Every two to three days I would get water. Every night I would make sure the fire was keeping us all warm, as well as tending to the wonderful soup that allowed us to survive for so many days. I knew it had to be done and I was more than willing and able."
 
"Ok, thank you. I'm satisfied," Jan says.
 
(I wonder if any of the future survivors, after seeing this tribal council, will be lazy-asses and still think they can win? And can you imagine if Jed was in the final two? "Well, when that water was boiling and everyone else was working on the shelter, I sat right there and made sure that the water continued to boil."
 
So what's the count?
 
Erin - Neutral
 
Ken and Penny - biased for Clay
 
Jake, Ted, and Jan - biased for Brian.
 
1 neutral, 2 Clay, 3 Brian. Depending on how Erin votes (and I'm inclined to think she'll go with Ken and Penny), it could be a 3-3 tie. I, and most everyone else it seemed, thought it was going to be an easy win for Brian since he was in the final two with Clay. Previous jury members have voted non-sensibly. Is it possible they'll give Clay the win despite the fact that Brian was the key strategist and manipulator, someone who played a major role in winning tribal challenges, and someone who worked much harder to support the tribe?
 
Now it's on to Helen. It was smart to let her go last because she was by far the most committed to Brian and Clay. And she was not only booted, but blatantly lied to right to her face. And she's not the type to not speak her mind. So I'm excited to hear what Helen had to say...
 
Helen
 
Helen steps up, crosses her arms, cocks her head and is ready for battle. "Well, we spent 37 days together..."
 
Already I can tell by the tone of her voice that she is going to kick some ass.
 
"And I had my mind made up week two who I was going to vote for. But that got RIPPED right out of my mind the night I left here."
 
Brian shifts uncomfortably. Knowing him, he's probably already counted the votes and now that Helen just said it's not him, he's squirming as he realizes he may very well lose to the person he has saved more than once from being booted.
 
"I asked you, Brian, point blank, if I was going because you and I had that thing going. We had that... TRUST that would give the other person the courtesy of telling them. But you and Clay told me that Jan was going. And Jan appeared to be really upset that day and I went to both of you and I said, 'You know what? I think she deserves to know that she's going.' And you both looked at me and said, 'No, leave her alone. She knows she's going. Why make her miserable?' Knowing full well that you had turned the tables on me. You promised me that it was us three going to the threesome. But neither of you was man enough to tell me.
 
"Clay, it doesn't surprise me from you. You lived up to exactly what I thought you were the whole time out there. But Brian, it felt like I was living the Julius Caesar play. I wanted to turn around and say, 'Et tu, Brute.' You are the epitome of the trashy used car salesman."
 
(This got guilty-pleasure-living-vicariously-through-Helen's-wrath snickers from the jury.)
 
"And I have to tell you, you really hurt. You duped me. You made a fool of me. You strung me along and you let me sit here and get stunned.
 
"So, now is your opportunity to tell me why you didn't give me the decency, after all that time, to tell me. And then follow with why I should vote for you."
 
I have to give Brian credit because he responds to this beating with a surprisingly confident statement, "Sure. When, about two days prior, when you and Ted thought Jan was sleeping, there was a pecking order that you were scheming with Ted that was told to me through Jan. It was written in the sand. I was extremely surprised coming from you. I felt just as betrayed as you did, at the time. I felt hurt. I felt we had a relationship, we had a friendship. I felt you misused the trust. You scheme up a plan to go against me..."
 
"And I told you, Brian, that if I ever changed my mind that I would tell you first. I never came to you to tell you that because I never changed my mind. Your name was never on my ballot. I'm asking you your specific reason for not telling me that night as we were walking out," Helen says.
 
"Because the knife you put in my back, through what Jan told me..."
 
"Hearsay! Hearsay - something that didn't come from me," she interrupts.
 
"She saw it. She heard it, Helen."
 
"Something you didn't ask me about. This is what you're going on?"
 
"Something you conveniently forgot to tell me about? You played a game..."
 
"This is what you're going on? This is what you're going on, you say?"
 
"Yes. Yes," Brian answers.
 
"You didn’t come to me to ask?"
 
"I was hurt, just like you were hurt. I mislead you and I admit it. I couldn't tell you that I felt betrayed by you..."
 
"Why? That's just what I'm going for. Why?"
 
"Because I felt you were trying to take me out next."
 
"I'm just asking why you didn't think I deserved the decency of a 'Yes, H, you are going.' You could've done it as we were walking out the door - code of silence after that. You would've never had to deal with me again."
 
"I was angry that you were scheming against me. So I..."
 
"Again, hearsay."
 
Jeff cuts in and tells Helen to let Brian finish his statement.
 
Brian says, "I was very angry at you. I wanted you to hear it and feel it that night at the jury, that I was pissed at you for going behind my back after the relationship that we did have, that I thought I could trust you as well. And you did this to me. You put together a plan with Ted. I heard it through Jan. That pissed me off. Yes, I did it out of anger and I admit it. I completely admit I was not honest with you."
 
Helen continues without a break, "Ok, part B: Why should I vote for you tonight?"
 
Brian takes a deep breath, "For one mistake, for a truth that I admit, an apology. A period of 38, 37 days, whatever we spent together, I made one mistake with you. I didn't tell you you were going that night and I apologize. I take full responsibility for that. I felt that you were powerful enough to get me the following day. That's how I felt and I apologize."
 
Helen seems conflicted. This makes sense to her. She wants to accept his apology, but she's so pissed, she refuses. "It's a little late now, but..."
 
She moves on to Clay and I am SO much enjoying watching these two battle with words. She speaks with a demeaning tone, "Clay, I'd sort of like you to explain to me why you think, and I'd actually like three, if you can come up with three, reasons of how you contributed to eight people having to survive on that island."
 
Clay is tired of getting beat up and tired of answering this same question, "I did stuff every day. I did a little bit every day. That's all I have to say."
 
"I asked for three reasons of what you did on a daily basis..."
 
"Helen," he interrupts, "if you don't understand... 'Cause I can tell right now, there's no one in the world who can satisfy what you're asking. So why try?"
 
"Ok," she resolves that Clay is done and is obviously not impressed. "Ok, I'm satisfied."
 
I had the highest of hopes for Helen pre-merge. Those were slowly chipped away as the game continued. Now I am disgusted that I was ever a fan of hers. Not only was she the biggest sheep in the history of Survivor (yes, bigger than Amber), she was another hypocrite. As Brian pointed out to her, she gladly did to Ted what Brian did to her. In spite of what Brian did to her, she not only voted for him, she told Ted something that would make him turn against Clay for sure. Perhaps Clay did make these racist remarks. But isn't it convenient that Helen said them only after leaving the island, and only a day before the final jury vote? Was she OK with aligning with a racist when she had a chance to win? Did her moral outrage rise up only after she was voted out? What does that say about her? The timing of her accusations, coupled with her obvious mental instability at the Q&A session, makes her very suspicious.
 
I really enjoyed this jury session. They weren't afraid to ask the tough questions and Brian and Clay weren't afraid to speak up for themselves and be brutally honest. Where were these people over the last 3 1/2 months, because this jury session made this season truly memorable.
 
And it didn't end there. There were actually some quality reasons for voting the way they did.
 
Time to Vote
 
Jeff asks, "Who will walk away with the title of Sole Survivor?"
 
Erin says, "I'm actually voting for Clay tonight. I'm basing my vote on honesty and Clay, I feel that you have been honest to everyone. On the other hand, I do not feel Brian has."
 
We do not see or hear Ken's vote because he probably said something about integrity and giving one's word and yada yada.
 
Ted writes, "B" and says, "You know, this would've been a very, very easy decision. You messed up, Brian. You assumed what we were writing in the sand was a scheme against you. It wasn't. It was a scheme against Clay. Not you. You need to check yourself and know that there are other people out there committed to their word. My word is my bond and it's pitiful that you didn't know that. But that you are the lesser of two evils."
 
They don't show Jake's vote.
 
Penny writes Clay's name and says, "I think that of the two that are left, that Clay really took the time to get to know me as a person during the 12 days I had with them and Brian never did."
 
Ugh.
 
They don't show Jan's vote.
 
Helen votes for Brian and says, "Brian, what happened between you and I happened between you and I. But in the context of the game, I'm a bigger person and can look beyond what happened to me. You deserve to win. You had a work ethic that was great the entire time out here. Several of the team challenges you almost single-handedly won on your own. So for that and your work ethic, you get my vote tonight. Good luck."
 
Very impressive, Helen. You have my respect. Your jury "performance" was one of the best ever, the fact that you set aside your personal differences to vote for the person who played the best, and how you played this entire game places you on the same level as the best survivors. My compliments to you.
 
On the other hand, some people totally disagree with me...
 
Helen decided that integrity was worthless, and she whined in the finale about not voting for Brian if she knew what remarks he had made. So a few misogynistic comments are now worse than being lied to for over a month, Helen? His comments, which were half-joking at times, are now worse than the racism you accuse Clay of? You wish you had voted for that racist Clay?
 
Or did you lie to Ted about Clay making the comment, thus smearing Clay's name and reputation? Either way, Helen, you're not looking so good.
 
"I'll go tally the votes."
 
It got down to three votes Brian, three votes Clay. Then Jeff announces, "The winner of Survivor Thailand...
 
BRIAN
 
Yippee!
 
 
 
A few thoughts on the finale
 
Well it's pretty much unanimous amongst the other writers and people who post on the boards - this was easily the best jury and the most exciting finish ever.
 
Also unanimous is how much better it was that Jeff Probst hosted the reunion show. There were only two major complaints: Too many freaking commercials and that the reunion show needs to be two hours.
 
This second point is because half of the survivors were lucky to speak just one sentence. So many people want to hear from ALL of them. They want to hear what they thought about their experience, how it was like seeing themselves, was the editing true, how they're getting along...
 
They want to hear about things not already discussed. Personally, I didn't need to hear a rehashing of the Ted-Ghandia grinding incident. Are their marriages ok? Good. Now move on. And sure it was funny when Jeff asked what happened to the Stephanie that was in her sexy/slutty audition video, but we didn't need to see it twice. I would've much rather heard more than one sentence from Shii Ann or Jake.
 
Still, even with these complaints, both the reunion show and the jury session were truly memorable.
 
To everyone, thanks for a great ending.
 
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