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Topic: public discipline (Read 1078 times)

shamon
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public discipline
« on: May 24^th, 2004, 5:11pm »

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I imagine this is controviersial....

As I was sitting in the McDonald's Drive-through the other day, the lady in front of me got out of her car went around the car and disciplined her children. It been a while since I have seen public discipline. I am not trying to stir the manure, just trying to gain perspective....

What does people think of disciplining of children? In private? Out in public?

I'll post directly...

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david
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #1 on: May 24^th, 2004, 5:20pm »

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Depends on what is being done I dont know that public scolding isnt always looked upon as the correct method however children do need to be dealt with quickly so its a toss up a Micky D drive thru I think they could at least pull over to a private area in parking lot. If kids think because they are in public they wont be scolded they wont behave in public. Many peole find spanking abusive so spanking is NOt a good idea at that moment but child does need to know what they are doing is wrong and quickly

« Last Edit: May 24^th, 2004, 5:20pm by david »

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Acalithos
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #2 on: May 24^th, 2004, 5:24pm »

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I saw a news story where this woman was beating her child senseless inside a big shopping market. Witnesses said she was going mental on the child, It lead to the Familes department investigating her. And now children can purce assault charges against their parents.

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shamon
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #3 on: May 24^th, 2004, 5:26pm »

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is that Australia or USA?

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Rhune
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #4 on: May 24^th, 2004, 7:02pm »

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I would say in general the days of someone beating their child senseless in public are mostly gone here in the US...there are too many people watching who will do something about it. Senseless beatings in private is another story...

I have occasionally spanked my children, when a time out is not working or it escallates to the point where I think a spanking is appropriate. I have not spanked my child in public, because it is quite frowned upon and there are other ways of disciplining that are just a lot more appropriate in public because it creates less of a disturbance for the other people around you. Not that my children won't make a public spectacle from time to time anyway. This weekend we were in the mall and it was quite crowded, and my 5 year old decided he didn't want to hold my hand. I stopped at that point and told him that he could sit down right there and take a time out, and that we would not move until he could get up and hold my hand. So he cried and threw a tantrum and rolled around right there and a lot of people were watching us, but I stayed firm and after a couple minutes he picked himself back up and took my hand. If he had tried to run off, I would have physically restrained him while repeating to him (loud enough for the onlookers to hear) that he was having a time out and that it was not ok to run away from me like that in the mall because it's not safe, in a calm voice. People still stare but most approve of how you're handling it. Now if I had just spanked him right there, he would have screamed and cried louder, like I was killing him and a lot more people would be staring and they would not be approving, some of them might feel they needed to step in because I wasn't handling it "right". Both are embarassing scenarios, but one has a lot more repercussions than they other for the parent.

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Rhune
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #5 on: May 24^th, 2004, 7:11pm »

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I know someone who worked on a case not too long ago. Here's what happened...a man, a professional and nice guy spanked his kid. At the last minute during the spanking, the kid reached around and put his hand in the way to try and stop the spanking, the dad accidentally hit the kid's hand instead (at the wrong angle cause of how the kid was holding it) and jammed his thumb = hairline fracture. This resulted in a trip to the emergency room. Now, he was at the emergency room because while hitting his kid, he broke a bone. Imagine how that looks to the authorities. It was just a simple spanking and we're not talking a huge painfully heavy handed one at all, but now he was being investigated for child abuse. In the end it got back to his work and he lost his job, and was required to go to a parenting group to keep his kid, and it became a huge and expensive nightmare. I realize this is an extreme scenario and this doesn't just happen every day, but it CAN happen. When you spank you child you have to understand that there are potentially risks involved, from a neighbor hearing your kid cry and reporting you to something nightmareish like this. If he'd just given his kid a time out or a punishment like scrubbing the wall (even a little kid can do that while supervised with a sponge), his life and his family's would not have been ruined.

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Acalithos
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #6 on: May 24^th, 2004, 11:53pm »

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on May 24^th, 2004, 5:26pm, shamon wrote:

is that Australia or USA?

Australia, I don't see American media programs - except 60 Minutes

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BrightGuy
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #7 on: May 25^th, 2004, 12:00pm »

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Time Out!
Time Out!
Time Out!
There is NOTHING the matter with a little spanking. If you raise the child correctly. There are times when a spanking works. You as a parent needs to know where to draw the line between spanking and abuse.
Here is a little story:
I was standing in a checkout line and a mother and her 4 year old was in front of me. I was placing my items on the belt for checkout and her son was there screaming and carrying on, talking back to his mother, taking MY things and putting them back in my cart. So, when I had had enough, I said to the little "angle", "NO!".
Well the "Mother" says to me, "I sorry, we don't say "no" to our son."
My comment was, "No kidding"
The others in line cheered and she sheepishly went on her way.
My point is: it starts in the home, not in the "Village". We need to raise our own children. If there are not any signs of abuse, stay out of it...

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kelby
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #8 on: May 25^th, 2004, 12:18pm »

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I dont have children but I had an interesting experience at the park a few weeks ago with my nephews. About 10 kids were jumping around playing on the big jungle gym kinda thing with slides, firepole's , and all kinds of fun things and this one little guy ,I'd say around 6 years old kept kicking, hitting, pushing, screaming and throwing rocks everywhere...his mom ( i think) kept saying to him, be nice ...no Kevin, be nice....she never once got off her butt and just occasionally looked up from her inquirer magazine...at one point my youngest nephew Neil came up to me and asked me to take him home because this other little kid was ruining their fun...well I got a little upset and stood by the slide and as he slid down I grabbed the top of his collar( softly, gently) and said very loudly...'who does this one belong to', well the mom came up and apologized like crazy and took her kid home... the rest of the parents thanked me for having the guts for saying something...It was just terrible,terrible behaviour and parenting on the moms part, this kid is going to grow up to be a handful and should be sent to boot camp as soon as he is old enough...I would never hit a child (well I dont have kids so what do I know) ,but this kid needed a whipping a long time ago I am afraid.

« Last Edit: May 25^th, 2004, 12:21pm by kelby »

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kabi958
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #9 on: May 25^th, 2004, 12:27pm »

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Boy does this subject get my goat... Angry

when my son was 4 to make a long story shorter there was a day where he had to have blood work done to find out why he kept getting ear infections etc. I had thyroid trouble and had important blood work to be done 40 miles away. so my husband had to take ken to the blood test. ken sat there and wouldn't let the lady do the test, he screamed he ran he hid etc. so the woman refused to do him. now my husband had to take the little darling to the hopsital 40 mins. away for the test. but he never made it two miles down the road before he got arrested. He was so ticked off at ken that he had a vicious look on as he held his hand and walked to the car briskly, he put him in his seat belt then yes he lost it and gave ken two smacks on the upper thigh. not even hard enough to make him cry. This woman ran out and screamed at him,"I saw what you did to that child" blah blah on and on. My son said "why is that mean lady yelling at you dad" she screamed im calling the cops so he said go ahead lady. he was driving up the road when he got pulled over. arrested for assalt and battery on a child under 14. my son was screaming and kicking the cops to the point that the cop let him ride in the front of the cruiser my husband was in. the whole deal was a nightmare that cost us almost 5000.00 before it was over. the dss was called etc. we took our son directly to his pediatrition for ta total exam because the lady said he repedidly was punching him in the head etc. (this is what she congered up when she was watching my husband from afar 100 or more yards through dark tinted windows in her office) he was actually putting on the seat belt and it slipped out of his hand so he had to reach up for it again. this was the punching. needless to say the doctor gave him a glowing report , no signs of abuse etc. we have used the same doc for 25 years with our other grown kids too. and never even a thought of abuse reported. the dss never came out, after talking to docs and schools they dropped it. but kept it "open" for a year. my husband had to go to anger management classes etc. we had a crap lawyer and not enough money saved to fight it so he ended up pleading no contest or something to that degree. he had to go to probation for a year. how emmbarrasing to have the probation car drive up now and then unschedualed for sneak visits. it was a nightmare all over this one womans word against ours. my husband has never before ever been arrested for anything. he is a hard working loving father. anyhow. We slacked off spanking with these last two and compaired to the first two kids that got spankings these two are borderline bratty. i believe in spanking just not in public. kabi

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kelby
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #10 on: May 25^th, 2004, 1:03pm »

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holy crap kabi...that incredible!
It must be so difficult to be a parent and to know what the right thing to do is,how to deal with them, and man when they are teenagers it must be a freaking nightmare!

i had to laugh the other day my brother told me he bought my nephew a very cool bike just so he could take it away from him when the kid acts like a troll!

My hat is off to you all!

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Rhune
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #11 on: May 25^th, 2004, 2:02pm »

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I am not suprised at all, Kabi. Crap like this happens. I use spanking as a last resort, but I do spank occasionally. I do not, however, EVER spank in public. As a person who spent a lot of time sitting in the car till I cooled down as a child, I know there are a lot of alternatives to spanking in public that kids don't like.

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shamon
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #12 on: May 25^th, 2004, 2:09pm »

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things have changed drastically over the last say 15-16 years. When I was little, it would be no thing for my butt to get busted out in public or out in the car. In this day and age, it is such a thin line/perspective point of view subject: what isn't abuse to one, is to another. My apologies for those that were "caught" out in public by a 3rd party that didn't see the whole situation.
Would public discipline as an accepted practice hinder the private "abuse"? I don't know.. At times, I have a hard time watching disciplining of my nephews because I know how my brother was growing up...
Ultimately, every case is independent. There is alot of gray area.

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AoM
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #13 on: May 25^th, 2004, 2:28pm »

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I see no reason to spank/slap children in public. As others have already said it causes more trouble than its worth. I think the occasional spanking at home is fine. I used to get them (once with a hair brush) I survived just fine and let me tell you , whatever it was that i did i never did it again. Brightguy, about your story, GOOD FOR YOU!! Parents need to raise their children so that misbehaving in public is minimal. Of course it will happen anyway, kids are wired to act out i think, know i was! Wouldn't it be nice if all children turned out as angels?

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darnchts
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Re: public discipline
« Reply #14 on: May 25^th, 2004, 2:47pm »

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everyone is in such a fast moving world these days that most don't take time for the kids. It is easier to give in to all their wants, to leave them in front of the tv as a babysitter and to allow them to act up in public cause the parent would have to come back to shop at another time. If we acted up in public, mom threatened once to go back to the car. That was all we needed. We only got 1 tv channel so we didn't watch tv and we had to work for money for the things we wanted.

All of the scenerios you have stated are a lot of the reasons that I chose not to have kids. Did I want them? Yes I think I might have but the fact that I am not allowed to raise them the way I was raised (and turned out with no problems as an adult) really is upsetting. It irriates me to no end to be around spoiled children who have no respect for anything cause their parents are afraid of getting into trouble if they discipline them. Grounding would have done me no good as a kid..I lived in the boondocks on a farm and grounding just meant that I couldn't use the phone since I didn't get to go far anyway and even the phone was limited cause it cost to call the next town over. Sent to my room? OH MAN..would I have loved that one..would have given me more of a chance to read which is all I did as a kid and usually mom was yelling at me to go do housework or go outside and get my head out of the book I was reading. But I can tell you that my mom had a belt on her kitchen chair that served as a reminder to behave. It only took a whack of that thing to scare me enough not to do whatever I did again and I didn't often get into trouble.

This is always going to be a subject that people disagree on..but it is sad that spanking a child is considered abuse these days. Yet I know of 4 children in this world who have a "daddy" in jail and a "mommy" who sleeps with a different guy every nite and most of the time those guys enjoy the oldest daughter now and then himself (while mom allows it) and yet everytime anyone has reported any of it, they come out and check on things, the mommy puts on a hell of an act and nothing is done. The mommy has even been to bars and left all 4 kids in the car while she has fun getting drunk.
Some of you know who I refer to..I don't need to share that here....it just upsets me that this kind of abuse is allowed to happen while disciplining a child is not.

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