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Topic: The 2004 Scoopie Awards (Read 230 times)

lakelady
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The 2004 Scoopie Awards
« on: Dec 28^th, 2004, 4:06pm »

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The 2004 Scoopie Awards
From Nipplegate to Britneys weddings,
2004 was quite the year in gossip

The Wedding of the Year Award:
When Britney Spears married her backup dancer Kevin Federline, the attention to details said it all: Guests dined on chicken fingers, drank up at a cash bar, and the mother of the bride and father of the groom donned Juicy sweat suits with jackets reading Hot Mama and Pimp Daddy.

The Boob of the Year Award:
To Janet Jackson, whose breast-baring stunt at the Super Bowl sparked international headlines, hand wringing from pundits, FCC action. The epic scandal that became known as Nipplegate was blamed on a wardrobe malfunction.

The Daddy Dearest Award:
To Joe Simpson, who said of his daughter, reality-show star, singer, and professional dumb blonde, Jessica Simpson: She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, shes sexy in both. Shes got double Ds! You cant cover those suckers up!

The [Bleep] is Back Award:
Elton John, for erupting in a stunning series of foul-mouthed outbursts, including various uses of the F-word in reference to Madonna, calling Taiwanese photographers rude, vile pigs, and calling an aide to Tony Blairs family a stupid cow and a mindless [bleeping] [bleep].

The Butch is Back Award:
To Arnold Schwarzenegger, for blasting his foes as Girlie Men.

The Beast is Back Award:
Naomi Campbell for her ongoing campaign of abuse and terror against personal assistants. Campbell has already been accused of beating up two helpers - and this year, ex-assistant Amie Castaldo alleges that when she tried to quit, Campbell hit her in the face, bit her on the lip, and yanked her to the floor while screaming: You [bleeping] worthless [bleep].

The Breast is Back Award:
Tara Reids revealing moment fells short of Janet Jacksons Nipplegate, but the American Pie star got her share of headlines for own wardrobe malfunction - as well as a peek at what some claimed were boob-enlargement scars.

The Love Hurts Award:
To Courtney Love, who is facing charges of throwing a whiskey bottle at the head of a woman who was at her ex-boyfriends house, scratching and pinching her, and then chasing her around with a flashlight. Earlier this year, Love was charged with bonking a fan on the head with a microphone stand.

The Grim Reaper Award:
To Paris Hilton, who starred in the Vote or Die campaign - but wasnt registered to vote.
The Been There, Seen That Award:
To Paris Hilton. Somebody broke in to Paris Hiltons L.A. home and nabbed cash and jewelry, as well as - yawn - another 12 hours of Pariss sex tapes.

The What Hath Eminem Wrought Award:
White rapper-wannabe David Hasselhoff, of Baywatch fame, records a hip-hop song. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills, noted collaborator Ice-T. Were going to show a new side of him.

The Not Purrrfect Neighbor Award:
Jim Belushi sues Julie Newmar, for $4 million, alleging that the former Catwoman conducted a campaign of harassment designed to drive him from his home.

The Hannibal Lecter Award:
Former Dallas star Larry Hagman, who stipulated that upon his death, he wants his body ground in a woodchipper and scattered in a field, where wheat is to be harvested for a cake to be eaten by his friends and family one year later.

The Our Fans Stink Award:
To the all-girl group The Donnas. Our groupies should take more time preparing before our shows, bass player Maya Ford said. They should brush their teeth, take a shower, maybe. Or try a mint. Altoids are good. Wear some cologne, but not too much. Or use deodorant. Just try not to smell bad.

The Bomb of the Year Award:
To Oliver Stones "Alexander," a $150 million film that one critic called a lunk-headed train wreck that looks like a tag sale in a 323 B.C. supermarket in old Peking.

The Dog-Ate-My-Homework Creative Excuses Award:
To Ashlee Simpson, who first blamed her lip-synching debacle on her band, then a computer glitch, and then on acid-reflux disease. Runner up: Anna Nicole Smith, whose slurred speech and disoriented behavior at an awards ceremony were blamed on poor eyesight.

The Dreaming of Divine Brown Award:
To Hugh Grant, when asked to describe Julia Roberts, he said: Very big-mouthed! Literally, physically, she has a very big mouth. It is a very big mouth. When I was kissing her I was aware of a faint echo.

The Candid Critic Award:
To Peter OToole, who appeared in Troy, and had this to say about the turgid toga epic: Ugh, what a disaster. [Director Wolfgang Peterson], what a clown he was. When it was all over, I watched 15 minutes of the finished movie and then walked out.

The Those Wacky Celebrity Kids Name Award:
A surprise from-behind win goes to Julia Roberts (Hazel and Phinneas), beating out crowd favorites, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin (Apple).

The Best Feud Award:
A very competitive category this year, what with Lindsay Lohan vs. Hilary Duff, Eminem vs. Michael Jackson, Michael Moore vs. Bill OReilly, and Elton John vs. - well, everyone. But the award goes to that epic feud: Britney Spears vs. Chucky. The former Mouseketeer reportedly refused to let her song Baby One More Time be used in the soon-to-be-classic movie Seed of Chucky. The filmmakers retaliated by killing off a Britney Spears look-alike in the film, with Chucky chasing her off a cliff.

Thats if for 2004, folks. Happy 2005.

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Rupey
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Re: The 2004 Scoopie Awards
« Reply #1 on: Dec 28^th, 2004, 5:07pm »

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Well, as for Joe Simpson...he's a boob himself--and at least a double D one at that--to be talking about his daughter's body that way.

As for Larry Hagman--GROSS! I'm glad I'm not on his list of family and friends. Yuck!

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