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   A Laugh a Day Keeps the Blues Away

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Topic: A Laugh a Day Keeps the Blues Away (Read 1539 times)

LibertyBelle
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A Laugh a Day Keeps the Blues Away
« on: Oct 9^th, 2002, 10:53am »

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Andy Rooney on Vegetarians:

"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter.'"
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Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener:

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Andy Rooney On Morning Differences :

Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?' It's because we can't see you! We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
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Andy Rooney On Phone-In-Polls:

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that say "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they're voting "I don't know." Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Says into phone) "I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud. Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about." This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say, "I'm not in the mood."
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Andy Rooney On Cripes:

My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
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Andy Rooney On Answering Machines:

Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? " Hi , it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." Beep.
"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."
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Andy Rooney on Research:

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections...who can't remember what to do with them.

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I watch from the wings at the play you are staging - while I'm sitting here doing nothing but aging.
~ George Harrison ~

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Re: A Laugh a Day Keeps the Blues Away
« Reply #1 on: Oct 9^th, 2002, 5:14pm »

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on Oct 9^th, 2002, 10:53am, LibertyBelle wrote:

Andy Rooney on Research:

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections...who can't remember what to do with them.

thanks liberty! i needed that today!

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