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Topic: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead (Read 593 times)

east
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warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« on: Feb 23^rd, 2003, 11:41pm »

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as some of you will know, i am going to be moving back to vancouver shortly (presently i am up north with my ma). what you don't know is that i have a loving but snarly, geriatric, arthritic, white furry feline named theo (i named her god and i wonder why she thinks of herself that way!). she is 14 years old and has had to make far too many moves because of me and graduate school, life, etc. i fear that this move would do her in. i will be staying with a friend temporarily before finding my own place again. with all this in mind, i have considered having her put down due to pain and the fact that she mainly sleeps. this pains me deeply. i don't think i could just give her up not knowing whether she would be treated like the queen she is.

my mom has said that she would keep her but my aunt has been putting up a fuss as her two year old kitty and theo do not get along...they would if the two year old would just leave theo alone. after hearing about what i went through thinking this through today, my aunt said that they could keep theo and have her put down when she would be better off that way.

there are tears in my eyes again. i have had this cat since i was 19. she has been through thick and thin with me...multiple breakups, getting into grad school, depression, joy, disappointment, etc. it is so terrbily hard to let go.

i feel so silly. she has had a very good and full life. although i feel guilty thinking about having her put down, i would feel even guiltier taking her and putting her through more change and instability.

when i leave here in less than 10 days, i will be saying goodbye to theo (theoeoeoeoeo, theodore, theophilus, ahthea).

with that, i would like to ask for prayer/good thoughts for me, my mom and my kittybrain.

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Rhune
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #1 on: Feb 24^th, 2003, 8:58am »

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I had a cat of mine put down about 3 years ago. It's a very tough decision, and one you agonize over with the best of intentions. I convinced myself that I had to be in the room when they did it (they offered me the opportunity since they were just giving her an injection right there). It was simply awful to watch and certainly didn't absolve me of any guilt. In my heart, through all the guilt and pain, I know that I did the right thing based on the situation, but I still after all these years agonize a little over being there in the room watching them put her to sleep. I told myself it was my duty to be there, but it's like knowingly forcing yourself to stand by and watch someone you love die in a car wreck and not doing anything to stop it. If you decide that putting her down is the right thing to do because of her pain and your situation, don't beat yourself up over it. It's a hard decision to make, but one we make only out of love and care for our pet. Our animals are the only family we have that we can legally decide to end their pain and misery, if they are stuck in it. At any rate, I can't really tell you to have her put down or not, in the end you'll know in your heart what's best in this situation, but if you do, do yourself a big favor, and step out of the room when they administer the shot. You can always step back into the room afterward.

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MzWings
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #2 on: Feb 24^th, 2003, 10:10am »

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Putting down one of the members of our "other" family can be a dauntingly gruesome task. Been there, done that.

After weighing all the facts, the pros and cons about doing what is best for your Theo - you find that there's no other way outside of putting her to sleep - then go with that decision. I wish I could help you too love, but only you can make the final call.

Just don't let your family or friends beat you up about any of this. And please don't do that to yourself either. You don't need to get yourself sick again. You've come too far.

I also think Rhune's advice about standing down from that room is wise. Sometimes the injection target is missed and the scene can get ugly. And it can go smoothly and gets over with in a matter of seconds.

You take care love and just know in your heart that you've been a good mum to Theo. After all these years, you'll know what's best for him. It's time for a good cry Cry

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luci
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #3 on: Feb 24^th, 2003, 10:42am »

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Sometimes I truly think we have to give up our pets during our lifetime to prepare us for giving up our loved ones. Not that they are the same, but can you imagine the horror of giving up a parent if you're never even had a cat or dog that left you during your life? Neither can I!

I've had to suffer the absence of several pets during my life and it hurts, truly hurts. Just know that your cat is in a better place and had a good loving home while it's 9 lives lasted.

We had to give up and let go of our beloved Bandit ( a shih Tzu, he ws 10 yrs old) this past July, so the feeling of loosing a pet is fresh in my mind. We miss him but know he does not have to suffer any longer. You do the same and remember the fun time with your cat! Tongue

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east
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #4 on: Feb 24^th, 2003, 12:26pm »

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thank you ladies! it has been a hard time figuring all this out. last night, a friend who had had to do the same thing, gave me comfort too...it is the guilt that is bothering me but if something were to happen during the moves and she got worse or was lost, i'd feel even worse. i am still so scattered about what is the right thing to do but just knowing that others had gone through the same thing really helps.

i have done this before with our first poodle, gigi or igig as i liked to call her. it was my sister and i who had to take her while my mom and grandmother were in lake tahoo visiting my grandmother's sister. it would have broken my nana's heart to know what we were doing. as far as she knew gigi had died in her sleep.

oh dear more tears...i will miss her but know that keeping her around is not the right thing...so thank you for your kind thoughts and words...i need them right now.

east

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MzWings
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #5 on: Feb 24^th, 2003, 2:57pm »

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I know how hard this is Kari A.

Another alternative - though I don't know how viable it might be - would to make your move and then go back and get Theo. Just a thought. In the meantime :hug:

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MzzJoplin
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #6 on: Feb 25^th, 2003, 1:43am »

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I'm so sorry East! :hug:

I know how hard a decision like this is to make ... Hang in there ... Theo knows how much you love her ...

:afro:

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chickmama
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #7 on: Feb 26^th, 2003, 3:03pm »

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EEG, this is going to be one of the toughest things you have ever done in your life. Only you know what's needed. Once you make your decision, don't look back. You cannot allow yourself to beat yourself up with guilt if you determine that euthanasia is what' s best for Theo. I used to work for a veterinarian, unfortunately euthanasia was a daily thing for us. The vet used to say "it's not the quantity of life that's important, it's the quality of life that matters". If you feel that this is the only way for Theo, please keep that in mind. It always made me feel better thinking about that when we were having to put down someone's beloved pet. I would also like to ease your mind about the process. It's a very simple, quiet process. The pet just simply lays it's head down and goes to sleep. It's very humane, and not theatrical at all. The whole procedure takes about 10 seconds. So, if you are worried about the thought of Theo suffering, don't. It's over very quickly. I also support the advice to leave the room during the process. It takes a lot of the pressure off of the vet during the procedure, and you won't have to relive the memory of it. That's just not the moment of Theo's life you will want to remember.
Take care sweetie. We will be here for you whichever way you decide to go. Tongue

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east
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #8 on: Feb 26^th, 2003, 3:30pm »

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thank you ladies...while i am off two minds on all of this, i will either put her down this week and be present becuae i feel that i owe it to her as i brought her into our family or go to vancouver, leave her here with my mom and send for her when i am settled. if the pain sems to be bothering her befor ei can get her down, my mother will be there when they put her down. the last few nights, theo has been very, very loving, purring at the top of her lungs and sleeping right against my body. i am thankful for this and am wondering if it is a sign that all will well if i chose to put her down...i know, i know, don't read too much into this... Wink

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MzWings
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #9 on: Feb 26^th, 2003, 3:47pm »

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KA - he feels the love you have for him. And especially now with all that's going on. She probably gets some relief from the pain in her little body when she scooches up to you. But most of all, Theo loves his mum KA.

Whatever is your decision, we're right there in spirit with you darlin'! You'll know it too 'cause you'll get a warm feeling deep in your chest.

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
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east
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #10 on: Jun 6^th, 2004, 11:17am »

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lakelady's thread about cats reminded me about some news i have to share...

my amazing cat of 15 years finally had to be put down last week due to what the vet thought was lung cancer. she stopped eating earlier in the week and was losing weight as a result plus lots of coughing. as many of you know, i had to leave her up north when i came back down to vancouver last summer because of her age and advancing arthitis (i did not think it was right to move her many more times and i have moved twice (three places, one i stayed at for a month when i got here) since may). my favourite cousin and her partner offered geriatric care. i know she loved living with thema nd they loved her despite all the fur. my cousin stayed with her until the end and i love her for it. i wish i could have been there. theo was such an amazing, supportive, loving friend and i miss her constantly but know that she is at least not in any pain now.

i love you theoeoeoeo. Kiss

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sweetmisery
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #11 on: Jun 6^th, 2004, 1:39pm »

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Ouch, reading this opens old wounds once again. Having to part with your loved pets really hurts. I had my share of pains, dogs, guinea pigs, rabbits, and I still cant help but give a bitter sweet smile when I think of them.

Its hard when you two have been through a lot, but thats part of life... We have to face such seperation sooner or later. Just be strong eastendgirl.

Everytime we get a new pet, thats the terrible truth we have to face, that sooner or later, you have to part ways... but do focus on the good times... in the end, it will all be worth it.

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luci
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Re: warning: difficult decisions and moves ahead
« Reply #12 on: Jun 6^th, 2004, 1:50pm »

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So true and that is why we've made a decision to not get another doggie, but I sure want one! I don't like the feeling in the pit of my stomach and the ache in my heart when they pass on. I feel as bad as when I was a little girl and my pet died. Sometimes I'm tempted to pick up the paper and see what is available, but then I don't! Maybe when we quit traveling around so much............

EG, get another kitty and savor the memories and move on. That is all you can do now. Your kitty is in cat heaven with all the playmates!

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