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Metropolis Reality Forums Ť Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely ť

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   Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely

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Topic: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely (Read 18708 times)

Miss_Hornswoggle
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Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« on: May 7^th, 2003, 4:57pm »

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Hello all you nice people over here at Forums. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Miss Hornswoggle. I have been allowed by the nice folks here to set up my little "Help Desk" to help you solve all those pesty little problems you may be having. I dispense sage advice, give my opinions and on occasions, tell you what you need to hear. All this in my own delightful style if I do say so myself. No topic is off limits, some have said that I know it all! Grin

So, who's first? Miss Hornswoggle is now dispensing!

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MzWings
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #1 on: May 7^th, 2003, 6:03pm »

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....and your credentials would be.......?

The worst thing to happen to me in the past 5 days is almost - well, unmentionable. It may take all I have in me to - well, I've broken two fingernails. There - I've said it. Can you help me through this - I have no where to go........ Cry

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

Miss_Hornswoggle
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #2 on: May 7^th, 2003, 7:05pm »

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on May 7^th, 2003, 6:03pm, MzWings wrote:

The worst thing to happen to me in the past 5 days is almost - well, unmentionable. It may take all I have in me to - well, I've broken two fingernails. There - I've said it. Can you help me through this - I have no where to go........ Cry

Oh dear MzWings, isn't it fortutious that you have nowhere to go. One can only hope that your social calendar will remain vacant until those nails grow back a little.
If for some reason you DO need to venture out, Miss Hornswoggle would recommend that you dye your hair bright blue. People will be so busy gawking at your head that no one will even notice those pesky broken nails.

Kiss

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Bumper
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #3 on: May 7^th, 2003, 7:27pm »

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Hey Miss Hornswhatever, how about some advice for my golf game. Grin

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east
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #4 on: May 7^th, 2003, 8:39pm »

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dear miss hornwoggle,

there are only three hours left of survivor 6 and then we have to wait until september something or other. i believe that i am already going into withdrawl ~ my hands are shaky, my nerves jumpy and i still don't know who the winner will be.

what can i do?

eager for your reply,

east

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MzWings
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #5 on: May 7^th, 2003, 10:13pm »

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Hmmmmm....seems Miss Hornswoggle isn't all that available - is she? Well - what have you to say to that medear?

:laff:

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

Miss_Hornswoggle
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Posts: 101

Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #6 on: May 7^th, 2003, 10:36pm »

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on May 7^th, 2003, 8:39pm, eastendgirl wrote:

Well dear, this is a preplexing problem indeed. Might I suggest that you refrain from watching the next three hours of your program live, and instead tape it on your VCR. Then, you can play the tape at the SLOW MOTION speed and possibly it would take you until the NEXT Survivor to see it all.

. . . as for the shaking hands and jumpy nerves, I have always subscribed to the perscription of a large glass of elderberry wine followed by a few small sips of vodka. Your hands still shake, but oh my, you really don't care.

Kiss

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Miss_Hornswoggle
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Posts: 101

Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #7 on: May 7^th, 2003, 10:41pm »

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on May 7^th, 2003, 7:27pm, Bumper wrote:

Hey Miss Hornswhatever, how about some advice for my golf game. Grin

Miss Hornswoggle cannot possibly help you with your silly game without seeing you swing those sticks or whatever you call them. I suggest that you go get your sticks and a ball and hit the ball while in front of your computer. Maybe then Miss Hornswoggle could be of some assistance.

Kiss

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Miss_Hornswoggle
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #8 on: May 7^th, 2003, 10:52pm »

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on May 7^th, 2003, 10:13pm, MzWings wrote:

Hmmmmm....seems Miss Hornswoggle isn't all that available - is she? Well - what have you to say to that medear?:

Oh my dear MzWings, how long have you had that humming problem? I could help you with that you know.

As for Miss Hornswoggle not being available, well deary, I do not have two broken nails and thus my social calendar is full. Why just today, I had my Reggae dance lessons, went and bought a new kickstand for my Harley Davison motorcycle, went to Choir practice and then had to go down to the Beauty Salon and help my girlfriend dye some lady's hair blue!

Kiss

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Miss_Hornswoggle
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #9 on: May 7^th, 2003, 11:50pm »

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on May 7^th, 2003, 10:41pm, Miss_Hornswoggle wrote:

Oh dear Bumper, Miss Hornswoggle thanks you for following my instructions so promptly, but do you really think it is wise to be swinging a golf club at night, . . . in your underware??

But nevertheless, Miss Hornswoggle thinks she sees the problem with your golfing abilities.

You are standing too close to the ball . . .

. . . . . AFTER you hit it.

Kiss

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MzWings
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #10 on: May 8^th, 2003, 8:23am »

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

LibertyBelle
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #11 on: May 8^th, 2003, 9:43am »

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Dear Miss_Hornswoggle,

Are you related to Mrs. Doubtfire? She called people "dear" a lot too. Grin

Speaking of Mrs. Doubtfire, I have a question, something I've wondered about for a long time...

Do people like Sally Field? I mean really really like her?

Of course that isn't really an advice question, it's just something I'd like to finally know for sure.

Sincerely,
Curiouscat

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Miss_Hornswoggle
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Posts: 101

Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #12 on: May 8^th, 2003, 11:40pm »

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on May 8^th, 2003, 9:43am, LibertyBelle wrote:

Dear Miss_Hornswoggle,

Are you related to Mrs. Doubtfire? She called people "dear" a lot too. Grin

Well dear, I'm not familiar with Mrs. Doubtfire and I have always tried to be friendly and I just thought that "dear" was a good way to convey my thoughtfulness and make people feel at ease. It's a common custom in the circles I run in. But if it makes you fee ill at ease, I shall refrain in the future. Miss Hornswoggle doesn't want to offend, just help.

As for Sally Field, isn't she an actress in your country? Why goodness, I always liked that little Flying Nun show of hers and I would think that people would have to like anyone who portrays a Nun. Even one who flies.

I am concerned however that you are obsessing over this poor little actress. Surely you have more things to worry about than that. Miss Hornswoggle recommends that you also take a sips of my favorite elderberry wine and put this Sally Fields stuff behind you.

Kiss

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Rhune
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #13 on: May 9^th, 2003, 10:11am »

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Dear Miss Hornswoggle,

Tornados keep preempting my favorite tv shows, what should I do! :cry2:

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east
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Re: Hornswoggle's Help Desk: Advice given freely
« Reply #14 on: May 9^th, 2003, 12:51pm »

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miss hornswoggle,

something strange appears to be growing in my throat and when i woke up this morning, my head felt all stuffy. i don't like this. what should i do?

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