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Metropolis Reality Forums Ť Needing some input ť

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Topic: Needing some input (Read 508 times)

MrSinister
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Needing some input
« on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 5:11am »

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It's been one of those weeks. Had to vent. Here's what I came up with.

any thoughts?

Sun is setting, lovers embrace
joy is written so clear on their face.

I see it daily, yet never can share
anothers warm touch, or anothers great care.

Women have come and women have gone
I've cared for so many, yet never for long.

They all want the friendship, but never the love,
I'm starting to wonder, why I'm cursed from above.

I go out with friends, often the fifth wheel,
my lonliness, grows daily, my pain all to real.

I wonder what's wrong with me, what can I change.
But no one will answer. My pain builds to rage.

I've begun to lose hope, I'm starting to fade,
the hurt is so deep, the pain is too great.

Yet onward I go, from day until night.
Hoping that one day this wrong will be right.

I sit in large crowds, all by myself.
I try push on, I try to be well.

People say it will change, that I'll find the right one.
I'm tired of waiting, my patience is done.

Yet onward I go, I'll wake up tommorrow.
and find in my friends, a love I can borrow.

For while it is mine, it's never the same,
as a love from a woman, who's heart I can claim.

I'll try to go sleep now, my heart is askew,
Till morning will come, and my pain starts anew.

Yet onward I go, to give up is no choice.
Someday I'll find another, and my heart will rejoice.

_______________________

This was mostly for me. It's a release of some sorts. You need not reply, or answer. I just needed to share. I don't write often enough anymore, but when I do it's very cathartic.

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"Cats land on their feet, toast lands butter side down. Cats with toast strapped to their backs hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision."

My those that Love us, Love us. Those That don't love us, may god turn their hearts. If he cannot turn their hearts, then may he turn their ankles so we will know them by their limp.

azure
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #1 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 8:38am »

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very very nice mr sinister

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MzWings
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #2 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 11:04am »

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Welll goodness! That's beautiful - and if it's cathartic for you, it's art to us, nonetheless.

My input: More, please

Edirted to add: To the voter who gave a thumb's down - each to his/her own. I read this as a :tup:

« Last Edit: Jan 28^th, 2004, 11:07am by MzWings »

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

luci
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #3 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 11:31am »

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Mr. S., this is very good, even though very sad Cry

Have you ever thought about doing this as a profession? You're very good with rhyming! Or do I call it prose? Anyway, it is great! My SIL writes poetry also and belongs to a club.

Do you already have enough to make a book?

As for women, are you looking in the right places?
Just asking! Grin

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

david
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #4 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 11:36am »

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I spent most of my younger years writing short stories and poems in fact on of my High School teachers took one of my poems to her College Proffessor who said it was remarkable for work for a High School sophmore so let me put my two cents in. It is a very good piece of work and it seems express your feelings well. I give it s thumbs up but i can see the negativity turnning some off. I too wrote similar to this when down and I got praise on my work but people generally dont want to be made to feel sad. here is what I did I turn my sad poems/stories into humor making fun out of and in turn I leanrned to be happy with what i had and to laugh not at myself but with myself! Bottom line your work gets an "A"

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MrSinister
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #5 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 2:03pm »

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Just woke up and saw this.

I should not be allowed to touch my computer when I'm drunk.

yeesh.

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azure
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #6 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 4:26pm »

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was still quite good

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east
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sigh

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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #7 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 5:36pm »

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i have several friends who have done this recently. (posting while intoxicated.) at least your spelling held up mr. s.!

« Last Edit: Jan 28^th, 2004, 5:36pm by east »

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read, study, reflect, write, read, study, reflect, spell check, write

MrSinister
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I lovded you piggy! I LOVDED YOUUUUU!!

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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #8 on: Jan 28^th, 2004, 6:45pm »

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I'm pretty anal about spelling. heh

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Pilar
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Cant keep my hands off my MAN!

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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #9 on: Jan 29^th, 2004, 12:08am »

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David needs MZ to correct his spelling mistakes and he doesnt drink

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If it werent for my husband and kids I would be nothing. thank God for them all!

MrSinister
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I lovded you piggy! I LOVDED YOUUUUU!!

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Posts: 46

Re: Needing some input
« Reply #10 on: Jan 29^th, 2004, 4:42am »

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*update* I was going to write some more tonight, but I'm too tired. I've decided to not put my stuff in here though. I have a livejournal here if you are interested in seeing more. Be warned though, most of it recently is more whiney/bitchy than I normally am. I've just been in a bit of a slump lately, hopefully it will be over soon. Please feel free to read it and comment on it. Registration is free. I am *ALWAYS* open to input. and feel happy to share my thoughts/feelings. Sometimes it will get quite humorous, as I am known for my rants. Wink

Besides what good is a livejournal if no one reads it.

*edit* I just realized that there is some "off color" language in some of my journal entries. If this is offensive to you then you might want to steer clear. I don't normally curse that often, but when I get into a rant It just sort of comes out.

« Last Edit: Jan 29^th, 2004, 4:46am by MrSinister »

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david
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Re: Needing some input
« Reply #11 on: Jan 29^th, 2004, 8:57am »

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You know if you really want some input submit your stuff to a magazine see if the print it. I did and some of my stuff actually made it in the magazine. Dont try mags like Time or any of the biggies find a small magazine maybe even a school mag they are most likely to print your stuff. If its really good who knows what the expsoure could do for you.

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