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Metropolis Reality Forums Ť For the Women Only ť

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   For the Women Only

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Topic: For the Women Only (Read 808 times)

lakelady
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For the Women Only
« on: May 18^th, 2004, 4:28pm »

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Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

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kelby
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #1 on: May 19^th, 2004, 1:43am »

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kelby
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #2 on: May 19^th, 2004, 10:00am »

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LL, I was thinking that we should have our own Womanly W-O-M-A-N thread for our most estrogen driven posts ...Most men I know avoid woman at their most sensitive times..but for those who have no fear we could have our own decoder rings cleverly disquised as diamond tennis bracelets!...what do ya think?

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chickmama
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Eat more Chicken

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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #3 on: May 19^th, 2004, 4:22pm »

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LOL!

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lakelady
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #4 on: May 19^th, 2004, 5:23pm »

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Cool idea, kelby! Let's just make this thread into our own for women issues. Bumper can have The Manly Man's Retreat thread and we will have ours. Cool

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azure
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #5 on: May 19^th, 2004, 5:26pm »

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HELLO EVERYBODY!!

BigKen250
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #6 on: May 20^th, 2004, 11:05am »

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azure
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #7 on: May 20^th, 2004, 11:16am »

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HELLO EVERYBODY!!

lakelady
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #8 on: May 22^nd, 2004, 3:26am »

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Girlfriends, let's talk pedicures. I just got only my 2nd one tonight. I tipped that gal $10. From what I remember it was better than sex. Half of my feet are gone due to the trimming and scrubbing. The polish is just the icing on the cake. What a wonderful feeling!

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Sheisback
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Leave my Radio X alone!

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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #9 on: May 22^nd, 2004, 10:33am »

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I definately need a pedicure then. Wink

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Don't argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and then they beat you up with experience.

seaglass
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lobsters, lighthouses, L.L.Bean

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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #10 on: May 22^nd, 2004, 6:54pm »

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How much are pedicures? I was walking in the mall today and saw them offered here for $39. I can cut my toenails for free if that is the usual price.

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lakelady
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #11 on: May 22^nd, 2004, 8:36pm »

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sea, don't go to a mall where they will charge you so much. You need to find a little shop where the Koreans do it. You know me. I am as frugal as you are and won't pay high prices. You should be able to get it done for $20-$25. And I cannot TELL you how worth it it is. It is not about cutting your toenails. This is just a fabulous experience that you should pamper yourself with once in a while. I guess I will just have to find somewhere around you and send you a gift certificate for your birthday. Because I know you won't do it. And I won't wait till I come for my visit. Please sea? Go go go and see how it elevates your spirit! And if you have to pay $39 so be it. It is worth every penny. Grin

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Bumper
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #12 on: May 22^nd, 2004, 11:42pm »

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I don't mean to barge in "For the Women Only" area, BUT I want to announce my new business venture. Never missing an opportunity, I am opening a mobile "ToeNailsRUs. I have a big bucket of soapy water in the back of my pickup along with a nice simulated leather recliner. After soaking your tootsies I use my Black n Decker cordless grinder to whittle away at those offending toenails.

And the BEST feature of all this is that I can do all ten toes for ONLY $19.95!! AND if you have more than ten toes, there is NO extra charge!! Now I ask you, how many other competitors will match THAT offer!?

So ladies, you don't have to go all the way down to the mall, wait in long lines, and then have your toenails done by some Korean lady that you can't even understand what the heck she's saying. . . . .

You can just head out to the end of your driveway, take those shoes off and stick that foot out in traffic to attract my attention and I'll be RIGHT THERE! :tup:

Legal MumboJumbo Disclaimer:

Not in any way affiliated with national retailer TOYSRUS as if you haven't already figured that out. Offer may be void in some states where traffic laws forbid lying at the end of your driveway with your feet up in the air. Size of the bucket of soapy water is limited and will not accomodate size 12 or larger feet. Management not responsible for skin irritation caused by the brand of soapy water. Soapy water changed weekly, Truck bed hosed out daily. Customers are required to be physically able to climb up into the bed of the pickup as management will not lift anything larger than a golfbag. ToeNailsRUs appointments cannot double as transportation. We will not haul your butt around town to the grocery store, the bank or the Mall as insurance regulations in most sane states frown on people riding in recliners in the back of an old pickup truck and there is no seatbelt on the recliner. Free offer of pedicure for all toes in excess of ten toes (on two matching feet) is limited to fourteen. Management has seen a lot, been to three world's fairs, two goat ropings and seen a monkey screw a football, but the thought of seeing more than fourteen toes on any one person makes him just a little wooosey. This offer void where prohibited by law.

Wink

« Last Edit: May 23^rd, 2004, 2:44pm by Bumper »

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If U R reading these old posts, know that we were once a great, active cyber-community, but as in all things..Time moves on. This is now a Ghost Town.

lakelady
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #13 on: May 23^rd, 2004, 7:21am »

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luci
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Re: For the Women Only
« Reply #14 on: May 23^rd, 2004, 12:57pm »

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I love pedicures! I've been having tips put on my nails for over 20 years, as mine do not grow and are thin and break easy. If I had to stop having my nails done, I would do it for the pedicures. A good pedicure and massage of the feet is priceless! I even took my husband with me a few times and he loved it. You know how men are, he sure doesn't want to keep that up, for the idea of being too feminine! However a pedicure and massage is not just cutting yoru toenails off!

Find a good place that is clean and gives good service. I do not pay $50 for a pedicure. I think my pedicure/nails is about $40. Not too bad, the cost of a golf round and a six pack!
My lady is Vietnamese. She is priceless!

« Last Edit: May 23^rd, 2004, 12:57pm by luci »

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

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