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Topic: First date etiquette (Read 739 times)

kelby
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First date etiquette
« on: May 27^th, 2004, 1:53pm »

I was told that if I invite a guy (I know him not a stranger) over to watch movies at my place, that is essentially giving my date the impression that we may be getting naked at some point during the evening!

Is this true? What do you think is appropriate for a first date?

I went out with a guy a couple of weeks ago and for no apparent reason he had his hands all over my thigh on the drive home! Is this normal these days?! I mean I am a very um 'healthy ' young woman but I just assumed there were 'rules' about these kinda things?!

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david
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #1 on: May 27^th, 2004, 1:57pm »

As a guy I feel qualified to answer your two questions

1. Yes anytime you invite a man over to your home he will think its a invite for sex. Think about it this way if he had invited you to his place what would you think? Going to the others home early on in the dating ritual is never a good idea one of the parties (could be a female) will think its about sex and it could be honest invite just to talk. Other thought is if you do an invite make it clear what invite is about and lay ground rules its your right and avoids uncomfortable problems

2. NO that is NOT normal a nice guy may make his move but not on the drive home this guy needs to take a cold shower. any man will make a move that normal but its when and where he does it that will tell you much about him

3. First dates dinner and movie are nice and simple maybe coffee after the movie and talk.

« Last Edit: May 27^th, 2004, 1:59pm by david »

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shamon
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #2 on: May 27^th, 2004, 2:24pm »

1) guys will assume/think of the possiblity of sex on a date regardless if it your place/their place/neither place/the moon...
its how we are wired unfortunately

2) david said it best

3) first date... get to know each other verbally... Avoid watching movies, you don't really communicate. Leaves alot of room/opportunity for unneccessary/premature cuddling, fondling, that may be undesired at the moment.... coffee houses, dinner, mini golf, etc. are great for communication.

if you know the guy, you are two steps ahead (I am by know means knocking the guy)

good luck!!!

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PuffPuffPass
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #3 on: May 27^th, 2004, 3:52pm »

Kelby,

Its simple, do what you want to do. If you want to have him over and not have sex then have him over and dont have sex, if he grabs your leg in the car and you like it, let it stay there and if you dont want it there.. move it ... maybe hold his hand (easy way to move it).....

but most importantly, talk to him. Tell him what you would like the eveining to include. theres nothing wrong with a woman that speaks her mind, hell, to some guys that alone is considered a turn on.

cheers and good luck in your hunting Grin

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MsWings
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #4 on: May 27^th, 2004, 4:57pm »

At your age (unless you beefed up the numbers), it seems to me you could/should answer your question quite quickly and simply. As for the other man you went out with: "and for no apparent reason he had his hands all over......." He's a guy and even in 2004, many men still think that's expected behaviour. You asked:

Perhaps you should take an honet look at your behaviour and see if there was "something" you might have said or done, to send him the message he could try anything and you'd be fine with that. Otherwise, you might want to be more careful about who you date. You asked "Is this normal these days?!" Not sure what you mean by "these days".

Actually, I won't add more here because I have a sneaking suspicion you may be waaaaay underage for my answers.

MsWings

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lakelady
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #5 on: May 27^th, 2004, 5:42pm »

Wingsy, you KNOW that I adore you. But I have to go with Puff on this one. I told kelby to do what she wants to do and to heck with what anyone else says. This sounds to me like a fun date and an inexpensive one. And a chance to have him in her home around her turf. This way she is the boss and he gets to know her better without any outside distractions. Any decent guy will not make a move and respect her for it. If he is slime and does, then it's his loss and she can move on.

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Sheisback
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #6 on: May 27^th, 2004, 5:57pm »

Whoa Kelby !
I had to go and check your profile, I was wondering how old you were. If, at your age (which is mine also hehehe) you cant invite a man to the movies, then I am afraid you will remain single until one man dares inviting you. And guess what, men are more shy, they are intimidated by strong willed good looking women.

Its 2004 ! Come on!

I was raised this way, especially by my mother. She kept telling me that a lady should never invite a man, and if she does, she is a tramp. I know she was totally right...in the 60's.

Well...if I hadnt, I wouldnt be married and I wouldnt have my daughter. If you invite a man and he really expects to have sex with you because of that AND that is not what you wish for, geeee he isnt for you.

The best thing to do is to clearly state what your intentions are. No understatement. No double meaning words. If he doesnt get it right, get rid of him.

Although, for a first date, I wouldnt invite him at my place, or if I was, maybe daytime, not for the evening.
A Sunday afternoon movie?

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kelby
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #7 on: May 27^th, 2004, 6:08pm »

Sheisback...

I know, i know...The reason I asked is because I have only recently been out of a 9 year marriage to my childhood sweetheart...Ive only had a few dates and my brothers,and other married friends pretty much flipped out when I said we were going to watch vidoes here and told me my date (who I met through mutual friends..seen at get togethers so on) would get the wrong impression. I was truly shocked at some peoples reactions and was wondering what you all thought of the whole thing.

In the case with the other guy grabbing my leg, I told him to stop (without holding his hand) , and I havent called him since.done.

Thanks you all for your advice and opinions!

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PuffPuffPass
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #8 on: May 27^th, 2004, 6:18pm »

Hey Kelby,

I just stepped out of the office for some air, when I was thinking about your post again. I realized that I had done the exact same thing for a first date with my wife. We met at work and I found out she was from Ontario and didnt know anyone out here so I asked her to come over and have dinner & a movie.

lol, now I dont know if she expected to get any 1on1 desert, but now Im wondering if she had expected too get some.... lol, guess I'll have to ask her when I get home tonight.

Have fun, later

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kabi958
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #9 on: May 27^th, 2004, 6:38pm »

Good luck kelby I wouldn't want to be on "the hunt" again in this day and age. kabi

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kelby
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #10 on: May 27^th, 2004, 9:18pm »

Thanks everyone...

Please understand, I am NOT on a 'Hunt'...just on a few dates.....this thread has given me a headache.

let me know what your wife says Puff Wink

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david
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #11 on: May 28^th, 2004, 7:19am »

Kelby I hope all goes well and dating IS a headache best thing I can say is YOUR in charge of happens and what DOESNT happen. But above all be safe and have fun!

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Rupey
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #12 on: May 28^th, 2004, 8:17am »

I really like what Shamon had to say in this thread. I'm all for establishing friendships. Anyway, I'm kind of in the minority these days with my anti-dating mentality. My spouse and I dated lots of other people before we met each other and we agree that for our kids, we'll encourage them to hang out in groups of friends to avoid potential uncomfortable or dangerous situations. Our own dating experiences tended to be disasterous and didn't teach us much about commitment.

All that aside, Kelby and I have had some great conversations via PMs. I'm not sure, Wings, why you get the impression that she is so young. I guess it depends on what your definition of young is but you almost made it sound like she was immature by saying that you had "a sneaking suspicion [she was] waaaaay underage" for your answers. So, what age would that be? My impression of Kelby is that she is mature, has a good head on her shoulders, and likes to see the best in people.

Kelby is a big girl and can certainly take care of herself. She's had a rough go of it in her marriage, is having a rough time going through her divorce, and is certainly facing dating with some fear and trepidation since she's not been out with another guy for many years.

Now then, Kelby's got a headache. Who has the aspirin?

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Rupey
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #13 on: May 28^th, 2004, 8:28am »

By the way, I just checked out Kelby's age in her profile. It fits accordingly with what she's told us about herself: she's been married to the same guy for nine years. Since she's going through a divorce, we can assume that perhaps it's been about 10 years since she got married to him. Kelby went to college. If she got married right out of college, then her age is right on target. If she were much younger than she says she is, she'd have had to gotten married in high school.

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david
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Re: First date etiquette
« Reply #14 on: May 28^th, 2004, 8:52am »

Nowadays too much is put on the physical. Pilar and I spent months talking on phone and internet before sharing our first kiss! We learned much about one another and a emotional bond formed. Now anyone who knows Pilar knows how much she enjoys the "physical" but we both feel it was the time we invested in getting to know each other that has made us such a happy couple and to be honest I think it makes the sex better too! People jump into bed WAY too quickly anymore I know I did too and we focus on GOOD sex instead of GOOD relations! Kelby do what feels right but whatever you do its the person inside you need to know not his/her performace in bed or if you should or should not. Your old enough to make wise choices on when its right to be intimate

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