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Topic: Need to vent (Read 745 times)

dudeguy89
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Need to vent
« on: Jun 7^th, 2004, 6:02pm »

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I really just need a space to vent for a second. This is the last week of school for us here down here in South Florida. I have 3 days left and then it's on to a long, yet shortened summer. And my last days in the 8th grade are ruined because one particular snobby arrogant girl doesn't know how to take a joke and is still living in kindergarten days where she thinks going to the principal can fix everyone of life's problems. Me and this girl... well we really don't like each other. She's student council president, and I'm what the student principal looks down upon. We've been fighting the last couple of weeks particularly because she is the reason that one of my freinds is now a jerk and treats his old freinds like trash that he stepped on.

So my freind, somehow got a hold of her yearbook and we wrote a couple of stupid little things (nothing hurtful) and drew a couple of little scribbles of pictures. We left to go get our lunch and when we came back, some other people were writing some really mean things and gave it back to her. She instantly saw where I signed, and went crying to the vice principal. Just to give you a quick summary, my VP is a racist and an extremly hurtful person. I am a member of a class in my school which is kind of like a junior ROTC program. When I walked into his office, I happened to be whearing my T-shirt for the program. He instantly said that I was immature, and that I don't have respect for other people property. (by the way, I signed on the "autographs page" where you're supposed to write notes.) Than he went on to say that I was a disgrace to my ROTC class and I should be ashamed to call my self a member. And I should note, that unlike some people that I don't like, I REALLY can't stand this guy and I'm verging on the line of hate with him. Just because of the way he treats other people.

So it's up the girl to decide what to do with me. And according to her, and I quote "I would rather have you buy me a new yearbook, than rip the page out of my old one" So now I have to pay $40 and I have to spend the rest of the year in an IS program. IS stands for internal suspension. So my last days are ruined because I had to not rat out my freinds who wrote the stuff in her yearbook and because she can't take a joke.

I'm just really angry and I needed to get all of this off my chest. Angry

That feels better.

« Last Edit: Jun 7^th, 2004, 6:04pm by dudeguy89 »

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lakelady
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #1 on: Jun 7^th, 2004, 6:49pm »

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dude, bless your heart, I am sorry. But this is just a valuable learning experience for you. It has been my experience that we all have a severe wakeup call around our senior year. I sure did and would prefer not to talk about it. I think it is important that you did not rat out your friends. And as for the $40, just do it hon. Get this behind you so you can move on. :hug:

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Rhune
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #2 on: Jun 7^th, 2004, 7:08pm »

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Hmm, well...darlin you have to be able to assert yourself. That does not mean ratting out your friends, but you should have at least stood up for yourself and been very firm that you did not write the stuff in her yearbook. Yes there would have been pressure for you to name names, but you would have still had the choice not to and continue to be firm about what you did not do.

For both you and her, it's important to remember that anger is simply a surface emotion that masks a deeper more personal emotion like hurt or jealousy, disappointment, fear, sorrow, embarassment etc. When the anger burns off that true feeling remains and needs to be dealt with.

Anger is an energizer and it can be a great motivator...unfortunately it most often motivates us to get into trouble. Wink

I don't think she's wrong to be upset about what happened, or to take action, or to demand a new book. The simple fact is she paid for it and it was maliciously ruined. A joke is only a joke if everyone thinks it's funny. Often times people are victimized or hurt in the name of "a joke". I think deep down you know that, you are just upset because you were personally blamed for what you didn't do. The people who did do it are perfectly willing to let you take the fall for it, which likely adds to the anger you're feeling about this. I assume none of them have run to the principal to correctly place the blame on themselves and spare you? You're angry at yourself and everyone else for the situation you've been placed in, but you'll still hold your silence because you believe that being a good freind is not speaking up and shifting the blame to them, even if they did do it and even if it's going to cost you emotionally and financially. When I was younger I did the same myself and I look back now and wonder ehy I was so loyal to them when they clearly were not loyal to me and willing to do the same. As an adult, I am quick to take responsibility for what is my fault, but I'm no longer quick to take the blame for others who are unwilling to step up and take their own responsibility - people who are perfectly willing to let me take the fall and suffer for them, just so they can get away with it scott free....it's something to think on.

My opinion, you chose to suck up the blame so don't be too self-righteously angry about it, even though it's hard not to feel that way. The right thing for you to do (although it will not be the easiest thing to do) since it was your choice to take responsibility for this, you should replace the book AND include a card of apology with it. Even if she is a jerk, even if she deserved it, even if the worst of it was not your fault, you are still responsible for you and for your actions and what was done to her book was wrong and she should be apologized to. I find the easiest way to apologize to someone I am mad at and don't want to say the words personally, is with a card. At the end of the day, if you give the apology, you know you did the right thing and you redeem yourself in a lot of people's eyes - people who had nothing to do with this, but will still make it their business to get involved and make things more miserable for you otherwise. If you're gonna suck it up, suck it all up.

« Last Edit: Jun 7^th, 2004, 7:11pm by Rhune »

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kabi958
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #3 on: Jun 7^th, 2004, 11:48pm »

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There is also the possibility of asking the other artists that wrote in her book to chip in for the new book seeing you took the fall entirely.
kabi

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azure
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #4 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 8:11am »

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dude, first of all, may I just say I think you are generally mature beyond your years

Just chalk this up to a learning experience, it was very mature of you to take the blame for everybody else, perhaps as someone els ementioned, they will chip in to purchase her a new book.

Honestly dear, I still havea ll my year books and they wouldnt be the same with a few pages torn out of them

you'll be fine and when you're looking back on 8th grade, you won't even remember this

Cheesy

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BigKen250
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #5 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 8:47am »

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hmmmm.......now, let's be honest here dg89....it's all about the girl...isn't it? Ah yes, those golden days of the 8th grade.....when flirting with girls meant giving them "a hard time"...or....grabbing their yearbook to "mark our territory".....am I warm dude?? Wink

So, being a noble young man (you have demonstrated your character by joining Jr ROTC by the way) you "take the heat" for everyone.....

Sooooo....SUCK IT UP!!! Pay the $40.....BUT....then ask the fine young lady if YOU can be the first to sign her yearbook!!!! Grin

That will be $150 and see my secretary on the way out for your next appointment.... Grin

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shamon
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #6 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 9:12am »

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uhhh....

pay the 40.00 alone or corporately, next year in high school you will hardly (if never) ever see her again. Move on, learn the lesson.

In life, just understand that if you are going to "take one for the team", make sure you like what team you are playing with/for....

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Boradamer
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #7 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 9:14am »

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Kabi beat me to it but from what you said you were not the only one to write off remarks in her book. Could it be others are bothered by her too? Maybe she should look at that as an indicator of how others percieve her.

An old addage comes to mind here. You can't please everyone. If she does not want people she dislikes to sign her book, don't leave it out. In addition, I think she should have come to you first and not go crying to the principal. I am a firm believer in people standing up for themselves and not running to authority figures when things don't go their way.

Take to heart that as the years go on she will no longer have her precious title. JR High and HS are famous for bringing people down to size when they have over inflated egos. Take to heart life will catch up with her and realize there are many people in your school. If people change and no longer fit your profile for someone you want to call a friend, move on. Find a new friend. My circle of friends changed many times over the school years and when one dropped out there were always many more to choose from. Some I reconnected with later in life once they matured. Others never matured.

I would calmly state to the principal you were not the only one to write in her book. If she is insistant about getting a new one he needs to address this with everyone that wrote something she does not like in her book. (Next part is where my devious side takes over) I would also suggest she put up a list of rules for what she wants people to write in there and maybe some suggestions that are appealing to her:

Suzi is the greatest!
Suzi is the prettiest girl in school. I am honored she calls me a friend.
Suzi is an inspiration to us all. I would be lost without her.
etc, etc. :devil:

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luci
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #8 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 10:26am »

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I agree with all of you. WAs she upset because she truly likes you or was so upset by what was written in her book?

Everyone wants only nice things written in their yearbook! Grin

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Bumper
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #9 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 2:15pm »

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I read the problem, and I read all the answers. I have to say that I'm impressed with the answer of our noble and fearless leader, Rhune. Man that girl is into that psychology thing! The effort and the depth she put into the response is impressive. Well done Rhune! Your response is right on! To say that it is the blame of the girl, for leaving the book out, or that it's her fault because of how she is perceived, is just trying to shift the blame to where it doesn't belong.

Personal responsibility for your actions may sometimes not be easy, but it's always the right thing to do.

Dude, buy the girl a new book, include a nice card of apology, wish her the best of luck, and move on. Wink

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Boradamer
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #10 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 3:46pm »

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So my freind, somehow got a hold of her yearbook and we wrote a couple of stupid little things (nothing hurtful) and drew a couple of little scribbles of pictures. We left to go get our lunch and when we came back, some other people were writing some really mean things and gave it back to her. She instantly saw where I signed, and went crying to the vice principal.

Sorry Bumper gotta disagree. According to the text above his was not the only one in there that was not kind. It seems she has singled him out. My question would be whether the others were broght to the VP's office as well or just him. To me it sounds like she is singling him out for her wrath.

I do agree it would be the 'better person' thing to do to help replace it but to bear the full blame is just wrong in my mind. :twocents:

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Rhune
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #11 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 7:06pm »

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I also think bearing the full blame is wrong, but that was the choice that Dude made and has stuck with. I agree it would be a good idea for him to stand up to his friends and ask them to pitch in on the cost. However, the girl is still owed an apology for his part in this. The right thing for him to do is to give one, and it will redeem him in a lot of people's eyes that may be making him feel like crap at the moment. An apology, even when it's not heartfelt, can go a long way towards making a bad situation better. The girl is probably not the only one at the school who believes he is fully to blame for this and since he's not going to say otherwise then whatever he can do to help make the situation better, is a smart idea, as well as being the mature thing to do.

« Last Edit: Jun 8^th, 2004, 7:08pm by Rhune »

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shamon
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #12 on: Jun 8^th, 2004, 8:56pm »

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while the debate continues.... a solution may have occured already...
Any updates DG89?

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Bumper
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #13 on: Jun 9^th, 2004, 1:33pm »

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on Jun 8^th, 2004, 3:46pm, Boradamer wrote:

. . . . In for a penny, in for a pound.

To quote Dude from his post: "So my freind, somehow got a hold of her yearbook and we wrote a couple of stupid little things" . . . . ."she saw where I signed"

. . . . seems to me that Dude was the one that was identified. HE chose not to identify any of the others. THAT was HIS decision, right or wrong. It does NOT in any way relieve him of HIS responsibility in the situation.
It he chooses not to cooperate and identify the other parties responsible, he doesn't have much right to complain.
If he wants to complain, he should go admonish his other so-called friends who would shirk from their OWN responsibility and let a friend face the music all alone.

I stand by my advice.

With freedom, goes responsibility.

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dudeguy89
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Re: Need to vent
« Reply #14 on: Jun 9^th, 2004, 4:44pm »

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Thanks guys for all the responce. You're all a great group of people and I'm really greatful for this opportunity to be part of this community.

Originarily, we got hold of the yearbook via, someone asking my freind to give it back to her at lunch. Obviously the oppurtunity was to good to miss for us while we were recently storming with anger at her. The kid we got it from was initially the one blamed, but because he had nothing to do with it, I went to save him. The VP asked me to get anyone else responsble. I didn't want to bring a lot of the people down, so I just took my freind that had gotten a hold of it.

The next day, my freind and I went into internal suspension. That was pretty much just us sitting in a room while an angry old marine vet yelled at the other kids to "shut up boy, I didn't ax you". The two of us paid the money to her. Regretfully of course, while she sat down with a cocky smile and a piece of cake given to her by the office aid. The parents of the girl actually wanted to press charges due to vandalism and disrespect to personal property.

Tommorow is the last day of school and its a half day for us. My teachers have actually been fighting the system and have been telling the VP that I had to come into their classes to take finals while we're really just having class parties.

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