luci
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Corporate Lessons
« on: Jul 16th, 2004, 4:28pm » |
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> Corporate Lesson #1
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
> up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing
> over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,
> quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens
> the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she could say
> a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have
> on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars
> and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
> wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to
> the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was
> Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says,
> "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story: If
> you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
> shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
> exposure.
> Corporate Lesson #2
> A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the
> road. He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in
> and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
> The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
> car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
> immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered
> and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing
> gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
> "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry,
> Sister, but the flesh is weak."
> Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful
> glance and went on her way. Upon his arrival at the church, the priest
> rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth
> and seek, further up, you will find glory."
> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job,
> you might miss a great opportunity.
>
> Corporate Lesson #3
> A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager
> are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and
> a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only
> grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me
> first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
> speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In
> astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
> Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
> supply of piña coladas, and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. OK,
> you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want
> those two back in the office after lunch."
> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>
> Corporate Lesson #4
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
> rabbit saw the crow and asked him,
> "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
> All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
> sitting very, very high up.
> Corporate Lesson #5
> A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to
> get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
> energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
> the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump
> of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
> lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
> reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was,
> proudly perched at the top of the tree Soon he was promptly spotted by a
> farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
> Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
> won't keep you there.
>
> Corporate Lesson #6
> In Africa, every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that it must
> outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive. Every morning, a lion
> wakes up knowing it must run faster than the slowest gazelle or it will
> starve to death.
> Moral of the story: It makes no difference whether you are a
> gazelle or a lion: When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling ass.
>
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