luci
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TRue Stories from Doctors!
« on: Aug 4th, 2004, 8:49am » |
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> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
> > > have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
> > > out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
> > > take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
> > > were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
> > >
> > > Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> > >
> > >
> > > At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
> > > an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
> > > chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used
> > > to be," remorsed the patient.
> > >
> > > Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> > >
> > >
> > > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
> > > a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
> > > infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
> > > reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
> > > "massive internal fart."
> > >
> > > Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> > >
> > >
> > > I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
> acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
> began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He
> > > read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a
> > > flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
> couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I
> > > turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> > > asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered.
> > > I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> > >
> > > Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> > >
> > >
> > > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
> > > his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
> > > having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?"
> > > I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every
> six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
> him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
> > > wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his
> body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
> before applying a new one.
> >
> > >
> > > Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> > >
> > >
> > > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
> "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
> > > complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about
> > > twenty years - when my husband was alive."
> > >
> > > Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> > >
> > >
> > > I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
> > > how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
> the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the
> patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
> produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > >
> >
> > > Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> > >
> > >
> > > A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young
> > > woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,
> > > sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
> entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
> appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
> > > When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
> > > the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
> above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
> Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short
> > > note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow
> the lawn."
> > >
> > >
> > > and finally...
> > >
> >
> > > A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
> > > embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
> > > his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
> > > of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
> > > was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
> > > and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work
> > > and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She
> > > replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was,
> > > "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
> > >
> > > (Dr. wouldn't give his name)
> >
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