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Topic: We Need A Laugh! (Read 147 times)

luci
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Posts: 12045

We Need A Laugh!
« on: Aug 12^th, 2004, 9:57am »

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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

*******************************************

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice
in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the
papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly,
"You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know
he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity
to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."

*********************************************

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They
were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave
came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and
couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the
promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the
bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her
butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."




The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

*******************************************

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket They
hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is
actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a
ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying
out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband
cries out:



   "Watch that wall!"

********************************************

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park
bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me
every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage,
fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies
and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

"I said, "Well, why are you

crying?"


She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet
   meal with wine and my
favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

   I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

   She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

« Last Edit: Aug 12^th, 2004, 9:58am by luci »

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