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   Thoughts For The Week

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Topic: Thoughts For The Week (Read 183 times)

luci
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Thoughts For The Week
« on: Sep 7^th, 2004, 4:38pm »

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I used to have a handle on life
but it broke off.

FLYING HIGH

On a lengthy evening Air Canada Flight with a somewhat "senior"flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.
Also from Westjet: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane. So pay attention!"
As the Continental plane landed and was coming to a stop at La Guardia, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. whoa!
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.
The captain's dulcet tones droned over the plane's speakers:
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.
Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In the event of an emergency water landing, please use them to paddle to shore and feel free to take them home with our compliments.
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed equally amongst the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
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QUESTIONS TO PONDER

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
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Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
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The Wisdom of Chuang Tzu:
"When the shoe fits the foot is forgotten.
When the belt fits the belly is forgotten.
When the heart is right "for" and "against" are forgotten.

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Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film.
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THE DEVIL YOU SAY

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?"

"Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" Asked Satan.

"Nope," said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."

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Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
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« Last Edit: Sep 7^th, 2004, 4:39pm by luci »

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

nons55
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Posts: 274

Re: Thoughts For The Week
« Reply #1 on: Sep 7^th, 2004, 5:19pm »

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Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Good point! Probably because people would find that a little inapproriate!

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