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   41 Rules Men Want Women to Know

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Topic: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know (Read 273 times)

david
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41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 1:30pm »

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1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3 . Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil.
26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both.
35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
41. Anyone can buy condoms.

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luci
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #1 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 2:26pm »

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PFFFFT

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

david
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #2 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 3:32pm »

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I found this on another site and just had to post it here

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Rupey
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Can't top Pearl Islands!

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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #3 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:19pm »

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Oh DAAAAVID!!! You don't think the ladies on this board are going to let you get away with that, do you?? :laff:

Brace yourself for our retorts:

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If you enjoy intimacy with us, tell us we look great even if we're fat.

Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
Do you not remember when the toilet seat fell on your "member" when you were hardly tall enough to stand at the toilet? Hmmm?? Leave the seat down, then.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Ditto. Especially when you wake us up to ask "Are you in the mood?" at 3:30 a.m.

Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
As long as you're thinking about ways to remind yourself to leave the toilet seat down, you don't have to be thinking about us every minute.

Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
We don't care what you're thinking about. Just hand over the remote, please.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Not a problem. Where are your credit card and car keys?

Shopping is not sport.
Sorry, we didn't hear you. We were looking for your wallet and keys.

You have enough clothes.
Then why am I wearing your old T-shirts around the house? Still looking for that credit card...

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
It's a finely-tuned weapon and we're very proud of it.

Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
Studies have shown that women are attracted to the type of males they grew up with.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
OK...WHERE'S YOUR CREDIT CARD??!!!

Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
They're called Clorox wipes and they're in the container with your name scribbled on it, under the sink. Have fun!

Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
What makes you think we'd be in the mood when we get home from the event for which we require that the shoes match the outfit?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
YES, I'd love to go out to eat and NO, I'm not in the mood.

Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
Don't forget about that magnificent crying weapon we have.

If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
One has to wonder...do THOSE guys leave the toilet seat up or down?

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Remember that 17-year headache you mentioned? We feel it coming on...tonight.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
WANNA BET?!!! :laff:

« Last Edit: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:22pm by Rupey »

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"Lord, please make me the person my dog thinks I am."

luci
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #4 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:21pm »

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Thanks for your reply, Ruperty!

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Rupey
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Can't top Pearl Islands!

Posts: 2147

Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #5 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:23pm »

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David, you know we love you, man. I'll bet Pilar would have a few retorts of her own, huh? :laff:

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"Lord, please make me the person my dog thinks I am."

david
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #6 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:23pm »

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Beleive me I expect lots of comments on this let me remind all you women I did NOT write this I found it on another board and shared it as a JOKE!

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david
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #7 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:24pm »

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on Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:23pm, Rupertydupe wrote:

David, you know we love you, man. I'll bet Pilar would have a few retorts of her own, huh? :laff:

Actually it was Pilar who thought I should post it here lol

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luci
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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #8 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 10:53pm »

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.....Pilar, we're not laughing Roll Eyes

again, I say, pfffft Roll Eyes

« Last Edit: Sep 14^th, 2004, 10:54pm by luci »

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Rachel
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"Be that which you expect others to be."

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Re: 41 Rules Men Want Women to Know
« Reply #9 on: Sep 15^th, 2004, 1:43am »

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David, have you ever dealt with an angry pregnant woman!? Wink

Especially when dealing with comments such as those.

P.S. Jon thought it was funny, didn't think it was so funny when I pulled out that famous crying weapon though. Cry