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Topic: Southern Rules (Read 208 times)

lakelady
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Southern Rules
« on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 5:57pm »

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I am SURE luci has posted this somewhere along the line but here it is again. HILARIOUS and true.

If you are going to live in or visit the South, you need to know the
rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the
Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as
they enter a Southern State. (These actually should be the rules in all
states.)

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lincoln Navigator. Drive it or get it out of
the way!

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color,
don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw that Bambi movie, too. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis fly rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for: bait.

6. Pull your pants up! You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up
to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two
pounds
of ham and turkey.

9. Tea -- yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and it's
sweet. You want it hot? Set it in the sun. You want it unsweetened?
Add a lot of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice!

11. You have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a
year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat
--
yeah, even breakfast.

We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, and we go to high school
football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with
"yes,
sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around
town to see friends and neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens -- yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You
boil
them with salty fatback, bacon or a smoked hog jowl.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi
and caviar? It's available down at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
it? Interstate 65 goes two ways. Interstate 10 goes the other two.
Pick
one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on
them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream
of
wheat -- go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

19. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season.
Both are holidays.

You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the
church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup truck waves? Yeah, it's called
being friendly. Understand the concept?

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish and bothers the gators --and, if you hit it in the
rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not
baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot --his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You
park your darn Navigator under them, and they'll leave a souvenir on
your hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature --all four
of
them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for
beating up the flag burner.

<>

American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God

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luci
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Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #1 on: Sep 14^th, 2004, 10:52pm »

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Yes, I did, somewhere Roll Eyes

It's Ok for these folks need to know all the rules
before they cross our Southern Borders Grin

....lest they wear some buckshot home in teh backside Wink

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Rachel
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"Be that which you expect others to be."

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Posts: 2154

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #2 on: Sep 15^th, 2004, 1:49am »

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Love it! You guys are hilarious. Cool

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"To give anything less than your best is to sacrafice the gift." -Steve Prefontaine

bob_taleo
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§hit happens but sometimes it dosen't

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Posts: 66

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #3 on: Sep 16^th, 2004, 1:17pm »

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the best is 22, and 24 :rofl:

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shamon
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Posts: 1105

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #4 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 2:50pm »

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no vegetarian special... he he

everyone knows that potatoes can only be eaten with meat....

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When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The

luci
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Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #5 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:04pm »

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........so true! Shamon, you grew up knowing about all this also Grin

P.S. It's Friday Night and we're going to a :football:

, and may have to look around a few :afro:

heads to see all the goings on, on the field Shocked

« Last Edit: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:06pm by luci »

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

shamon
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Posts: 1105

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #6 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:07pm »

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oh i'm definitely corn bread fed...

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When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The

luci
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Posts: 12045

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #7 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:08pm »

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Not one thing wrong with cornbread!
We love it, my husband just hopes he gets more than one piece Roll Eyes

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

shamon
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Gender:

Posts: 1105

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #8 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:15pm »

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cornbread, milk and molasses.....

as they used to say on Hee-Haw
Yum, yum

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When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The

lakelady
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Posts: 11251

Re: Southern Rules
« Reply #9 on: Sep 17^th, 2004, 3:31pm »

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Tonight I am going to try a new recipe from The Lady & Sons cookbook from Savannah. Hocakes. Very similar to cornbread but you add flour and make them like pancakes. mmmmmm

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