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Metropolis Reality Forums Ť It was like this, Your Honor................ ť

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   It was like this, Your Honor................

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Topic: It was like this, Your Honor................ (Read 212 times)

luci
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It was like this, Your Honor................
« on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 5:14pm »

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It was like this, Your Honor...........
I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi, I'm Belinda!"

This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side

and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room here, strip to the waist,

then slip on this gown. 'Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped

away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy, but I suspect a man

invented this machine.

It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG.

Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex.

We can't be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass

and still pop back into shape. Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said,

"Can you stand on your tippee toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why not use the

remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a

holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those

two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt, a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off! "What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vice alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy... the door's wide open so you'll

have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back"

Before I could shout, NOOOO!" she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me,

half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part

smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked,

to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness as possible.

"Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks."

"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing

in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said,

"Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!

And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

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Addams
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #1 on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 5:33pm »

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OMG Lucy that is terrible

Are you OK?

did you file a complaint with the owner of the lab?

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luci
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #2 on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 5:36pm »

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....you are saying that with tongue in cheek, right Roll Eyes

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Rupey
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #3 on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 6:22pm »

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That's so funny!

When I had my last mammogram, four of us ladies were sitting in our robes in the "ladies only" waiting area when the fire alarm went off!!! Hey! We weren't about to go outside half-clothed! It turned out to be a false alarm but we were betting that some pervert tripped the alarm just to see some middle-aged boobies!

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Bumper
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #4 on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 7:51pm »

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Boy, They sure do mammograms different down YOUR way! Jeez, I've never heard of anybody doing em' that way! Around here, you can even get them done at selected Cleaners. Not to mention that we have a little shop up at the Mall that does em' all day long!. . . One right after the other! I usually just have my initials on my mammograms, but my buddy Earl down at the garage has his whole first name mammogramed on his stuff.

And another thing. Why don't you ladies bring something else to wear while you're getting the mammograms put on whatever it is you're having it put on?! Seems to me that would put an end to all that complaining about it being so cold when you get a mammogram!!

I swear, this isn't the first time I've heard wimin complain about getting mammograms and I gotta' tell ya', . . . . . . . I just can't figure out why you gals have so much trouble with em'!

Wink

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Rupey
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #5 on: Nov 16^th, 2004, 8:17pm »

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Bump, you can gladly take my turn on the mammogram machine next time. I'll tell you jokes while you're in the process of getting mammogramed, too! I'll even sprinkle some pepper and make you sneeze!
:laff:

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Bumper
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #6 on: Nov 17^th, 2004, 12:32am »

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Ohhh . . . . . Mammograms.

I thought you meant MONOGRAMS.

. . . . . . . nevermind. Wink

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bunnielou
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #7 on: Nov 17^th, 2004, 8:35am »

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Luci, that is just "bust-a-gut" funny! I am laughing sooooo hard that my sides are hurting!!! :laff:

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lakelady
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #8 on: Nov 17^th, 2004, 8:37am »

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HILARIOUS! :laff:

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AoM
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #9 on: Nov 17^th, 2004, 9:54am »

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Thank God I am not yet at that age...Maybe by then there will be a better way....? *gulp*

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luci
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #10 on: Nov 17^th, 2004, 1:07pm »

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Angel, I hate to burst your bubble, but you are of "that age"!
If you don't believe me go look in the Cancer Ward.

Say Bump, just for one time I wish guys would have to take a testicular test in the same manner. Grin

Ya'll couldn't take it Roll Eyes

It is no fun to have to stand on your toes to take a test and the daing thing hurts, wouldn't surprize me if it didn't give us a big lump during this gawd awful way to test Undecided

Conniejoe, I sure like your avatar Grin

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

bunnielou
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Re: It was like this, Your Honor................
« Reply #11 on: Nov 18^th, 2004, 9:40am »

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Thanks, Luci! She looks like one of my dogs, SoSo. When I saw the pic, I just had to have it!!!

I agree with you. I'd love to see a similar test for testicular cancer. Talk about putting ones balls in a vise! I bet the predominantly male research community would "discover" a kinder and gentler way to test for these things REAL fast!

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That God, which ever lives and loves,
One God, one law, one element,
And one far-off divine event,
To which the whole creation moves.

Tennyson

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