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Metropolis Reality Forums Ť BLONDES! ť

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   BLONDES!

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Topic: BLONDES! (Read 235 times)

luci
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BLONDES!
« on: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 12:02am »

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ASTROLOGY
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.......and one
blonde says to the other:
"Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see
Florida.......??"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was
named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of
someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs."

« Last Edit: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 12:03am by luci »

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Colleen
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #1 on: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 12:08am »

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Thanks luci those were good, my fav was car trouble Cool

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Colleen
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #2 on: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 12:30am »

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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

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Insane 4 Survivor
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #3 on: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 9:20am »

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

JP
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #4 on: Mar 2^nd, 2005, 1:00pm »

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Good jokes! Thanks!

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BrYce_BrIan
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #5 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 1:32am »

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I made it through the caption in CBS!!! Yahoo... ive been sending there like season 1 and i f

Pau
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #6 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 5:07am »

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Check out my travel blogs at http://www.pautravels.com

bec
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #7 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 6:51am »

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even as a blonde I find all these very amusing Grin

Why do Blondes take the pill?
So they know what day of the week it is!

Why do blondes have lunch boxes with clear lids?
So they know if they're going to or from work!

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter!

What is a Blondes mating call?
"Hell I'm drunk"

What is a brunettes mating call?
"Has that blonde bimbo left yet?"

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because it's the only car they know how to spell!

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AoM
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #8 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 9:04am »

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*sigh* us blondes always get the short end of the mental stick in these jokes.

Although I guess we deserve it because there sure are some ditzty blondes out there..*cough* Paris Hilton *cough*

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lakelady
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #9 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 1:35pm »

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Just because Paris has no brain doesn't mean the rest of us don't. All that hair dye has gone to her senses. Roll Eyes

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Pocket
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #10 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 1:53pm »

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...what senses?

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jellybean
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #11 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 2:16pm »

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Colleen
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #12 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 4:44pm »

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There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

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Colleen
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Re: BLONDES!
« Reply #13 on: Mar 3^rd, 2005, 4:45pm »

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head all went to an antique store and saw a beautiful old mirror. The lady working at the store said, "This is a magic mirror. You must say something true. And if it's true, your wish will come true. If it's not true, you will disappear."
The blonde, red head, and brunette decided to buy the mirror, and brought it home with them. First the red head walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world." Poof, she vanished.
Then the brunette walked up to the mirror and said, "I think I'm the smartest girl in the world." Poof, she disappeared.
Then the blonde walked up to the mirror and said, "I think ... " Then Poof, she disappeared

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