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   St. Patty's Day

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Topic: St. Patty's Day (Read 834 times)

Insane 4 Survivor
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St. Patty's Day
« on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:17pm »

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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

Insane 4 Survivor
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #1 on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:18pm »

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Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh Mike that is a ham I am baking ."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're
cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh Mike, I'm saving that for the wake !!"

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

Insane 4 Survivor
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #2 on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:20pm »

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An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

Insane 4 Survivor
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #3 on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 3:22pm »

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Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

Colleen
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #4 on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 5:32pm »

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Those were great! :tup:

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Rupey
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #5 on: Mar 10^th, 2005, 9:48pm »

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Insane, you'll appreciate this: my dog's birthday is on St. Paddy's Day! He'll be seven in people years. Grin

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"Lord, please make me the person my dog thinks I am."

azure
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #6 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 7:45am »

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insane, I loved the first one especially.

thanks for sharing them!

Cheesy

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lakelady
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #7 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 7:47am »

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I LOVE St. Patrick's Day! :balloon:

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Irishlass
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #8 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 9:28am »

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A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits beside him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here, he's from the mother country as well. The second man asks - so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I'll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.
The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O'Malley twins are here gettin' drunk again.

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Insane 4 Survivor
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #9 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 9:52am »

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

luci
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #10 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 9:56am »

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.....another good Irish joke!

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"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and
can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #11 on: Mar 11^th, 2005, 10:52am »

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A scuffle started in the local one Friday night. Words were exchanged, then insults and finally blows. Bottles, glasses, people, flew through the air and Casey ended up being hit in the face by a sharp piece of glass which cut off his nose.

'Stick his nose back on and hold it with your hand,' ordered McGinty. 'And we'll get him to the hospital.'

Out into the street they flew to be greeted by sheets of rain pelting down.

Quickly they bundled the injured man along and into the casualty department.

'Will he live?' inquired the boys.

Too late,' said the doctor, 'he's a goner.'

'Was it loss of blood?' asked Finbar.

'No, he drowned. You put his nose on upside down,' sighed the doc.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
Frank Sinatra

Bumper
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Re: St. Patty's Day
« Reply #12 on: Mar 12^th, 2005, 12:23am »

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John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,

"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know,

he's only been there twice in the last four years! Once he fell asleep,

and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come!" Grin

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