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   The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization

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Rhune
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The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« on: Apr 8^th, 2004, 3:35pm »

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The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
(Wednesday, April 07 09:02 PM)
By Brill Bundy

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - FOX's new reality show "The Swan" isn't all bad. It gets points for laying bare the Great American Dream. You know the one: if you don't take drugs, stay in school, work hard and never give up you too can achieve anything. Or rather, as "The Swan" points out, you can go through hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery and cosmetic dentistry, work out twice a day with a personal trainer for three months, get tricked out with hair extensions and a fancy black party dress and still not be pretty enough to make it to the ball.

No, where "The Swan" goes wrong is that it doesn't realize that the 1973 Stockard Channing TV movie "The Girl Most Likely To ..." about a young woman who has plastic surgery and then seeks revenge on everyone who made her life miserable when she was ugly (and was written by none other than future plastic surgery connoisseur Joan Rivers) was a satire.

For those who've missed the build-up, "The Swan" takes 16 average to unattractive women and focuses on the transformation of two of them each episode. The subject gives herself over to the show's team of experts and doesn't look in a mirror for three months. At the end of the hour, she reveals what she's become, gets a look at herself in Snow White's evil stepmother's looking glass and then is either sent home or allowed to stick around for the beauty contest at the end.

Charitably, the experience appears to be imagined as one where women are given the opportunity to get their outsides to match their insides, but judging from the premiere it's more a chance for rival plastic surgeons to revert to jock behavior as to who's the better Svengali.

Hosted by Amanda Byram (who one would think would take advantage of her surroundings and have the mole on her chin removed), the first two participants were introduced Wednesday (April 7) night.

Kelly is from Maryland and is a flight attendant. She was made fun of in middle school and refers to that time as when she "lost my soul." She and her boyfriend have "been intimate" a mere seven or eight times in the last three years.

Rachel is from Washington. She is married and owns several hairless cats. In third grade her father told her teacher not to expect too much from her and her husband (not exactly a prize himself) says "she's a little average."

Apparently, the women's years of crushing self-esteem can be fixed by undergoing a laundry list of surgical procedures that are glossed over in mere minutes. Honestly, FX's drama "Nip/Tuck" offers viewers a much more accurate representation of the physical and emotional price for physical beauty.

Even though a therapist is on staff, Kelly -- whose little-girl voice, inability to use the word "sex" and reference to her breasts as "boobies" more than hint at a psychosexual complex -- is told by her surgeon and the show's "coach" (and executive producer) Nely Galan that she just needs to just get over her after-surgery depression.

Yeah, Kelly. Push through the pain, you big wimp.

Nor is any suggestion made to Rachel that she could and should dump her unsupportive husband. It's just assumed that as soon as she realizes that she isn't saddled by her long nostrils anymore, she'll realize that she can catch herself a man who'll let her have pets with fur.

In the end, both women do look better, but in a completely freakish, "Boy, she's had a lot of work" way. Rachel's chin puckers oddly when she smiles, which is still an improvement over Kelly, who appears to be unable to turn up the corners of her mouth. Still, no woman is a vision of loveliness when she's crying, and the sight of overly made-up "after" pictures blubbering "I'm beautiful" as their mascara runs is nothing short of macabre.

Rachel makes the cut and will stick around to be judged further, while Kelly's surgeon expresses disappointment that Kelly didn't show the necessary amount of commitment needed to shed the requisite 39 pounds. Not that it matters since her boyfriend and family come rushing in to spew cliches about caterpillars and butterflies.

If a network wants to do a truly ground-breaking reality show, maybe they should take 16 contestants with the personalities of wallpaper and spend three months transforming them into people who are smarter, funnier and more interesting.

After all, as mothers intent on keeping their cute children in check are fond of saying, "Pretty is as pretty does."

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marladusa
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Re: The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« Reply #1 on: Apr 10^th, 2004, 7:40am »

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Good article. The only problem I had with the girls' new looks was the beauty queen garb. Kelly's weird fake hair and fake eyelashes. I'd like to see how they look now in day to day life. I think the important thing is that they do feel better about themselves. I could tell a big difference in Kelly's demeanor at the end of the three months. She held herself more confidently, she didn't cry as much and she just seemed more open and interactive. I liked what she said about the lack of mirrors giving her a chance to focus on who she is and not how she looks. And yes, I know it's all a terrible irony.

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MzWings
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Re: The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« Reply #2 on: Apr 10^th, 2004, 3:16pm »

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http://www.fox.com/swan/

The Swan
Episode 101

Epi One: http://www.fox.com/swan/home.htm

You might like to go to "Contestants" as it shows the before/after shots of the first two to undergo these magnificent changes. (Kelly and Rachael). I caught only the last few minutes of this series but I plan to keep tabs on it.

I was nearly brought to tears when the girls were asked how they felt - this was before they had seen themselves after three long months. They both responded the same - wonderful, beautiful, happy, overwhelmed. Their self-esteem existed where it hadn't before.

Then, when the covered mirror opened - well, you had to be there. :clapping:

I tried to copy some photos from there but I guess they've disallowed it. Maybe someone else can.

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

Rhune
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Re: The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« Reply #3 on: Apr 10^th, 2004, 10:30pm »

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Some of these women don't even look like they need plastic surgery to me...they need a makeover and some self-esteem. They are not hideous looking at all, they look like average women!

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kelby
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Re: The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« Reply #4 on: Apr 14^th, 2004, 1:16pm »

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I watched it and was almost ashamed for doing so...What is this world coming to?I cant believe that those girls were considered 'ugly duckings' to start with, and after I think they looked just wierd.

Imagine if Barbara Striesand had her nose done? These little things are what makes everyone of us beautiful and unique.I am sure this experience will be one that all these girls will regret.

I hope that there are no little girls watching this show, thats for sure!

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MzWings
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Re: The 'Swan' Dive of Western Civilization
« Reply #5 on: Apr 21^st, 2004, 11:46am »

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There are a lot of people who feel The Swan is a stain and a sham on women.

http://forums.prospero.com/foxtheswan/start

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"Senility Prayer"...God grant me...
The senility to forget the people I never liked
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do
And the eyesight to tell the difference."

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