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Topic: The Amazing Disgrace.... (Read 1406 times)

BrYce_BrIan
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The Amazing Disgrace....
« on: Mar 21^st, 2005, 10:50pm »

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Editor's Note: Published on page C3 of the September 11, 2004 issue
of the Philippine Daily Inquirer

IF I CLOSE my eyes, I can just imagine the selection process for the
final batch of contestants in "The Amazing Race." Top-dog producer
Jerry Bruckheimer, seated at the head of a long oak table, asks the
potential racers some do-or-die questions:

"Are you and your partner mentally prepared to travel more than
seven thousand miles around the world, whether by foot, plane,
train, boat, automobile or four-legged creature?"

"Are you amenable to instigating conflict, sowing discord and
stoking antagonism among fellow opponents whenever possible because,
as we all know, these are the most crucial elements that increase
viewership of reality TV shows?"

"Finally, are you willing, whenever the opportunity arises anywhere
you are in the world, to exhibit ignorance, tactlessness,
insensitivity, intolerance, jingoism and cultural bias, to further
stoke the growing anti-American sentiment in the world today?"

All right, all right, no intention of stirring up conspiracy
theories here, just being a student of hyperbole! As the season
of "The Amazing Race 5" winds down to its last nail-biting episodes
(they're heading to our part of the world in next week's show), I
can't help but get offended at some of the racers' general behavior
now that they're on the mandatory "Third World leg."

Sure, it's only a TV show, but because it's a reality program
predicated on having Americans do a Phileas Fogg by going 'round the
world in 80 days amidst the current political climate (with
temperatures soaring due to "Fahrenheit 9/11"), I can't help but
take a closer look. And this only served to create some confused
thought bubbles.

An irate American viewer recently posted this comment on an Amazing
Race message board: "You know those two buildings that used to be in
New York? You know when you watch the Olympics, and you see people
in the audience booing the American team? Have you ever watched the
news and seen people in other countries burning American flags? One
of the reasons that many people around the world don't like us is
because of what they perceive as American arrogance and greed. So it
stands to reason that when an American travels abroad, he might want
to do whatever he can to respect the locals [and] improve their
perceptions of what we are like."

Based on this season's race around the world, here are some of the
finest tips on how NOT to travel:

#1 Shove your native tongue down the throat of the locals. If they
can't speak your language, dismiss them as ignorant half-wits.

True, English is the language of international business, diplomacy
and the academe. But in a world that speaks 6,800 languages to date,
you can't expect to fly to a remote village in East Africa and
expect the locals to respond to you in perfect English. Tell that to
Colin (this season's certified villain and possible soul mate of Flo
from Amazing Race 3) when he barged into a police station in
Tanzania and demanded of the officer: "You speak English?" To which
the blase officer rightfully responded, "You speak Swahili?"

#2 In Latin American countries, it's perfectly all right to
transmute English words into phrases that remotely sound like
Spanish. In every other country, speak English with a fake accent.
If the locals still don't understand you, they are uneducated
halfwits.

"Can you call uno more taxi?" "Stop-o! Stop-oe!" "Moo-chas grassy-
ass!" So went the painful tirade in Uruguay, from my least favorite
racers of the lot, Mirna and Charla. But just when you thought you
could still sleep at night, they made it to Russia, where they
suddenly developed this strange, mutated accent that made them sound
like Transylvanian trollops, only with less class.

#3 Shortchange the local service people of their hard-earned wages
when you feel like it.

Brandishing a wad of small bills amounting to $50, half the agreed
fare, the evil Colin screams at the Tanzanian taxi driver, "Here's
fifty bucks, take it or leave it. You were driving with a donut! A
donut!" Meanwhile, the befuddled and hungry-looking cabbie looked
on, trying to make the connection between the pissy American and the
sugarcoated dessert.

#4 Fight with the local police if the rules you disobeyed don't
correspond with the rules in your head.

So the poor cab driver exercised his citizen's right to seek help
from the police. Colin still didn't back down; instead he yelled,
bitched, threatened and incensed the authorities, exhibiting all the
qualities that could make him the star flunkee of anger management
class.

#5 Scream at taxi drivers for not having superhuman capabilities to
ease traffic.

I'd like to personally ask the Bowling Moms, those pinheads, if
teleportation is already possible and the rest of us just haven't
gotten the memo? Or, have they gotten wind of other top-secret
scientific methods of transforming solid objects into sub-atomic
particles, allowing cabs to slink through bumper-to-bumper traffic?
We'd like to know, since such information would greatly help ease
the traffic situation in Metro Manila.

#6 Express your disgust while in sacred shrines and temples built in
honor of a god that you don't worship.

Visiting the city of Dubai for the first time, one half of the goody-
two-shoes team, Nicole, commented: "They have so many... so many of
those... what do you call them?"

"Mosques," said Brandon (a.k.a. Krusty the Clown stunt double).

"Yeah... mosques. They're all over the place. They're like Starbucks
here."

Um, yes, silly girl from the Bible belt of America! In the Middle
East, the dominant religion is Islam. The people are Muslim. They
worship at mosques. Don't count on getting your moccha frap fix
there!

#7 Be as loud and obnoxious as humanly possible at the airport
ticket counter. Never mind if there are other people in line; only
your interests matter.

We know it's a million-dollar race. But do the ticketing agents,
airport personnel, security officers know that, much less care about
it? What about the other passengers who are also waiting in line?

#8 Be condescending to the locals. Even if you are the visitor, you
may still refer to the locals as "foreigners."

What cheek! And I'm not referring to the physical attributes of
pizzeria owners Marshall and Lance, when they were badgering the
locals to help them find their next landmark in Uruguay. When the
local Latinos said they did not know, the pizza boys remarked, "the
foreigners here are useless. Absolutely useless." Hmmm... looks like
their pizza crust isn't the only thing that should be stuffed.

#9 Complain loudly about an impoverished place to its very citizens.
Who cares if they will never have the means to overcome their lot?

Okay, so Kolkata may not be everyone's idea of a honeymoon
destination. Yet I'd caution against belittling the city and hurling
insults directly at the locals, for that would probably justify a
demotion to the lowest rung in the caste system in the next life.
Either that, or reincarnation as a blind, one-legged scarab.

#10 Do not know what a "scarab" is.

Well Ramses be damned! While sand digging in Egypt, none of the
racers knew what a scarab was? Not even one? Didn't any of these
people ever watch "The Mummy"?

« Last Edit: Mar 21^st, 2005, 10:54pm by BrYce_BrIan »

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ilovemymariners
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #1 on: Mar 21^st, 2005, 11:07pm »

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Interseting....

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Lana
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #2 on: Mar 21^st, 2005, 11:28pm »

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Grude or something Mr. Editor?!

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BrYce_BrIan
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #3 on: Mar 21^st, 2005, 11:31pm »

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its not mine... i forgot to get the name of the editor... Sad

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amazingracelover
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #4 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 1:57am »

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on Mar 21^st, 2005, 11:31pm, BrIan_bRiEn wrote:

its not mine... i forgot to get the name of the editor... Sad

Who?

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Genius
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #5 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 4:01am »

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Colin did have a right to pay only $50 to the cab driver. Driving on a donut and having no spare tire, that cab driver is.......... Angry

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JP
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #6 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 11:56am »

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Brian, please get the name of the author please. Maybe it's in their website? inq7.net?

Quote:

"Yeah... mosques. They're all over the place. They're like Starbucks here."

This was taken out of context by the author of the article. I'm sure Nicole meant this in a good way. The comparison to Starbucks came from the top of her head and not some practiced line.

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Lucky
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #7 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 3:14pm »

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Very interesting article. I noticed a lot of these things while watching season 5.

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Syd a.k.a Hayden
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #8 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 3:50pm »

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wow shocking, i didn't know people perceived american slike that, im not an american so it doesn't matter to me but like it seems that the AMAZING racers don't care about anything but getting to the finish line, so along the way, they kinda lose their respect for others i guess , it sounds really harsh, the way that article put it! Now that i think about it though, it does make sense, WOW thanks for that, interesting!! Shocked

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Heather
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #9 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 3:58pm »

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Arrrgh!!

I lost it at this part:
Quote:

So went the painful tirade in Uruguay, from my least favorite
racers of the lot, Mirna and Charla.

Ok apparently this person has NO sense of humor. And when I thought I was calmed down enough:

Quote:

I'd like to personally ask the Bowling Moms, those pinheads...

Freaking editor must hate every team ever to be in the race! If you don't like a show, don't watch it, but don't complain about it! Arrgh. Angry

Ok, I'm fine now.

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Kendra
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #10 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:07pm »

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Thanks for the article! Brian..its very intresting Cool

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Heather
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #11 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 5:40pm »

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Yes, it was very interesting! Cheesy

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Genius
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #12 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 8:51pm »

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yar, he probably hated every team. maybe he liked chip/kim, my assumption.

in an interview with jonathan i posted, he tries to be friendly with all foreigners he meets and get their emails. in other words, he's a good american. but shoving his wife and all, he seems bad. so is he good or bad guy? Huh

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BrYce_BrIan
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #13 on: Mar 22^nd, 2005, 11:38pm »

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JP, i searched it around the website... just tried keywords to match them... then luckily i found it..

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sneezemachine
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Re: The Amazing Disgrace....
« Reply #14 on: Mar 23^rd, 2005, 5:50am »

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yep, he/she pretty much hates everybody.

ei guys, i don't think it's the editor who wrote it. the editor just noted in which issue of the newspaper it was originally published.

---

don't worry guys, when i see this guy (when i work for the Inquirer in the future; it's my dream job!), i'm gonna tell him off first then we're gonna diss colin together! Grin

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