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RNO - Episode 6: A Hill of Beans :'(
« on: Nov 2nd, 2005, 8:28am » |
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The Amazing Race 8, Episode 6: A Hill of Beans
by Jenn Brasler -- 11/02/2005
The teams continue their tour of Spanish-speaking countries, searching for relics, coffee beans, and sanity. The Paolos have undergone drastic changes, and the Linzes (right) are keeping things friendly. As if that weren’t surprising enough, Jenn has finally turned on one of her Sentimental Favorite families! Read on to find out which it is.
It takes a very strong person to admit when he or she is wrong. Dear readers, I am just that sort of person. I was wrong about the Weavers. At first I liked them. Then I thought they were pretty okay. This week, I can’t take it anymore. They’re rude, they’re mean, and they need to shut up and leave. Please forgive me for defending them. I would do the same for you!
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Previously on Put On All Your Clothes, We’re Going to Panama!: Six families left the U.S. (finally!) and headed to Panama. Specifically, the Panama Canal, where they engaged in impromptu boat races. The Linzes hate the Weavers. (Consequently, I don’t dislike the Linzes so much anymore, mostly because now I can see things more clearly from their perspective.) The Paolos and Gaghans raced to do the Fast Forward, which the Paolos reached first. D.J. was afraid of heights but bungee jumped with Marion anyway. It was kind of sweet. The Pink Ladies and Linzes did the detour together. Bill got the Gaghans past the Pink Ladies with the swing of a bat, keeping them in the race. The Paolos hit the mat first and the Pink Ladies came in last, but fortunately for them, it was a non-elimination leg. They got their money and possessions taken, but they still have a lot of underwear. Six families are left:
The Paolos: Marion, Tony, D.J., and Brian - Parents and kids/I can’t believe they’re in first place
The Weavers: Linda, Rebecca, Rolly, and Rachel - Mother and kids/Everyone hates them
The Bransens: Wally, Lauren, Beth, and Lindsay - Father and daughters/Mostly good racers
The Linzes: Megan, Nick, Tommy, and Alex - Sister and brothers/I have mixed feelings about them
The Gaghans: Tammy, Bill, Billy, and Carissa - Parents and kids/I love them
The Godlewskis (Pink Ladies): Sharon, Christine, Tricia, and Michelle - Sisters/Hanging in there
The teams are at Miraflores Locks on the Panama Canal. Will the Pink Ladies be hurt by the loss of their possessions and money, or will they rebound? The Paolos are the first to leave, at 8:22 p.m. Their clue tells them to go to San Jose, Costa Rica, via charter bus. There are three buses, 30 minutes apart. When they arrive in San Jose, they will drive 30 miles to Volcan Paos, a volcano, to get their next clue. Marion says that she thinks the boys appreciate her more now. She wants them to get that she can still do this race. She also doesn’t want them to take advantage of all the things she’s done for them. Tony says that he loves it when things go well for them. Unfortunately, everyone promptly starts bickering.
My new enemies the Weavers leave second. Rachel says that they were raised not to trust others, but to trust their family and God. Why were they raised not to trust others? That’s weird. The Bransens leave and Wally jokes that they should find a hotel. He says that the girls are close to each other, so he’s kind of an outsider. The Linzes leave. They say that they’ve met a lot of nice people on the race, but they’re going to be going down to five teams soon, so they’ll have a one in five chance of winning. They see the competition in the other families’ eyes.
The Linzes get a cab, but the Bransens and Weavers are out of luck. The Gaghans leave and Carissa asks if they have to walk to Costa Rica. Billy adopts a typical big brother tone and says that, yes, they have to walk 200 miles to Costa Rica. I would say, “Ask a silly question, get a silly answer,” but she’s nine, so I don’t expect her to know where Costa Rica is in relation to Panama. (Linda, on the other hand…) Bill says that they need to move up in the rankings.
The Weavers and Gaghans get cabs. Carissa spots the Bransens getting a cab as well. The Bransens are a little cramped for space and one of the sisters has to sit on the others’ laps. The Paolos arrive at the charter buses and get on the first one, which leaves at 11:30 a.m. The Linzes arrive and D.J. yells directions to them so they can also get on the first bus. He says that he’s just glad the Weavers aren’t on the bus with them; the Weavers have to fend for themselves.
The Pink Ladies leave, deciding that they need to get about $40. They start flirting with some guys. One guy says, “I don’t have money, I have love.” Funny, but also a little creepy. The Pink Ladies don’t have time for love (at least not without money), so off they go to ask some other people. They head to a bar and get some cash. Their cab driver tells them that $21 is okay.
The Gaghans and Weavers race to get to the charter bus signup. D.J. yells directions to the Gaghans, but it doesn’t really matter, since the Weavers and Gaghans both get on the 12:00 bus. The Bransens get on the 12:30 bus and can’t believe they went from third place to tied for last. The Pink Ladies also, of course, get on the 12:30 bus. They ask the Weavers for some money, which the Weavers agree to give. The Pink Ladies say that they’re being nice to the Weavers and vice versa, so they think that when things come down to it, everything will be okay.
The 11:30 bus leaves. Tony likes the view. The second bus leaves. Tammy and Bill seem touched by the obvious poverty they’re driving past. Bill says that it’s helping them appreciate the good things they have, which is a great gift to give their kids. Adopt me, please. I’ll baby-sit whenever you want, and for free. The third bus leaves and the Pink Ladies note that they’re tied for last, not totally in last. That’s a good attitude to have, actually.
The first bus arrives in San Jose. The Paolos are straggling. Marion says, “I’m coming,” and D.J. responds, “So’s Christmas.” I think that’s the first thing he’s said that I laughed at. What is happening to me this week? The teams get in vans and the Linzes find someone to lead them to Volcan Paos. They tell the Paolos to follow them. The second bus arrives and the Weavers and Gaghans have trouble finding the vans. The third bus arrives and the Pink Ladies and Bransens get directions to the vans. The Gaghans and Weavers are still having no luck; no one they ask knows where to go.
The Weavers and Gaghans are still walking. This is fun. They spot the Pink Ladies and everyone arrives at the vans. Linda tries to drive stick shift, insisting that she knows how, and Rolly comments that the brakes work. In the Paolos’ van, D.J. makes sure his family is okay. I’m sorry, I must have seen that wrong. Let me rewind. In the Paolos’ van, D.J. makes sure his family is okay. Um… am I watching the right show?
The Pink Ladies spot a sign for the volcano. The Bransens decide to ask for directions. For some reason, Wally wants one of the girls to ask, but the girls want him to get out and ask. Since the girls refuse, Wally says they just won’t ask. What? Why are they all being stubborn? In the Weavers’ van, Rachel prays to beat the other teams, if it’s God’s will. Um… no. Just no. I can’t stand it when people do that. Pray for safety, pray for health, pray for patience, pray for calmness, but don’t pray to win a race. That’s like saying, “God, if you really love us, you’ll help us win.” Look, I’ll pray for pretty much anything, but not to come in first.
The Linzes arrive at Volcan Paos, but the gates are locked. Carissa is asleep in the Gaghans’ van; Bill says that’s good, because she’s able to just wake up and get going. The Paolos and Pink Ladies reach the volcano, followed closely by the Weavers, Bransens, and Gaghans.
In the morning, everyone waits around for the gates to open. Carissa hopes that admission is free for kids. The gates open and everyone takes off for the clue box. The Linzes reach it first, followed by the Gaghans. The clue tells them to drive 17 miles to the Doka Estate, a coffee plantation. They are told that there is a Yield ahead. Sigh. I’ve never really liked the Yield. I guess I’m just old-fashioned about teams earning their placement. (That’s also why I hate it when things fall to luck, like the poor Aiellos’ elimination.) By the way, the Bransens are now third, the Paolos are fourth, the Weavers are fifth, and the Pink Ladies are sixth.
As the Paolos head back to their van, D.J. tells Marion to take her time. Excuse me, has D.J. had a brain transplant? This is so bizarre. The Linzes want to leaves quickly so the Weavers don’t follow them. One of the Weaver girls calls the Volcan Paos “the dumbest volcano she’s ever been to.” I’m sure she’s been to a lot of them. Tony, in contrast, admires the view. I think Tony is loving everything about this race. The Bransens go get a map while the Pink Ladies struggle back to their van. On their way out of the parking lot, Wally makes his van’s tires squeal.
One of the Linz brothers says that when they reach the Yield mat, they need to stand there and announce that they don’t want to Yield anyone. “Or do we?” another brother asks. They decide that yielding the Weavers would be fun. They considering sucking it up and being mean for a day. The Weavers stop to asks someone for directions and wind up being passed by the Gaghans, Paolos, and Pink Ladies. Wow, way to go, Weavers. The Pink Ladies also want to give the Weavers a “gift” by Yielding them. The Bransens pass the Weavers as well, noting that that’s good for them and bad for the Weavers. Which is kind of good for all of us. The Weavers get on the road again, thanking the guy they asked for directions. Rebecca notes sarcastically that he wasn’t helpful. Sorry God didn’t lead you to someone who knew where you were going.
The Bransens almost crash as they arrive at the Doka Estate. All of the families (except the Weavers) are pretty much neck and neck and race for the Yield mat. The Paolos reach it first (dang, they’re rocking the race this week) and yield the Weavers. Everyone is happy about this. The Doka Estate task is a roadblock. The task is to find a red coffee bean in 800 pounds of beans. Yikes. It’s like the hay roadblock that nearly drove Lena crazy in the sixth season. It’s also ladies’ week, as Marion, Tammy, Lauren, Megan, and Tricia are taking the roadblock for their respective teams. They’re using big scrapers to look through their piles of beans.
Tricia is the first to find a red bean. The next clue says to drive 94 miles to Jaco, a seaside town. The teams will have to find a certain surf shop and get their clue from a guy named Javier. The Pink Ladies are very happy to be in first place. Marion finds a red bean and comments that the Weavers will love them for yielding them. D.J. congratulates his mother on doing a good job. I’m scared. The Weavers finally arrive and are unhappy about being yielded. Linda tells her kids to basically get over it, then turns over the hourglass.
Now we come to the part of the show that I like to call, “Why I No Longer Like the Weavers.” First, they start laughing at the Paolos’ picture on their Yield card, since they’re standing in front of a garbage truck. I’d like to see the Weavers work as garbage collectors for a week. Heck, for a day. I have a lot of respect for Tony for doing that job (and for doing it for so many years, and for being so proud of it).
Back in the land of the polite, Tammy continues looking for the red bean, asking, “Where is this bugger?” Megan finds a red bean. The Weavers take out the Pink Ladies’ picture, commenting that they hope their breasts cost a lot. That doesn’t even make sense. They add that Brian looks like a squirrel. Rolly adds, “You don’t even know it, retard.” Hold up. Right there, that’s when I finally snapped. I can’t stand it when people use that word as an insult. It’s unacceptable. Basically, at this point, the only thing that could have made me more upset is if they called one of the other racers gay. How can they call themselves Christians and then talk about people like this? I can be mean, too, but not like this. It’s embarrassing.
The Linzes approach on their way out and Linda tells her kids to be happy. They start singing something and the Linzes warn that the roadblock is hard. The Weavers don’t seem to believe them. Under his breath, one of the Linz boys calls them sore losers. Yep, pretty much. By the way, the Linzes wish the Weavers luck, which is nice of them. The Weavers note that the other teams are ganging up on them.
Lauren gets the red bean and the Bransens head out. Tammy is still looking, but she’s very good-natured about the whole situation. Bill tells his kids that yelling to her probably isn’t helpful. Billy adds that it might make things worse. As the Bransens pass the Weavers, Wally tells the Weavers that they can pick it up. Linda tells her kids that they could go home today. They note that no one wants them there.
Linda is ready to go. She doesn’t want to play the game the other teams are playing. Then maybe you could be a little nicer. She says that they’re responsible to a higher authority. The Weavers seem to worship a god who thinks it’s okay to call people retards. Back at the bean task, Tammy is starting to wonder if there’s actually a red bean in her pile. Carissa sees that the Weavers are there. Billy calls over to Tammy that there’s absolutely no pressure. Hee.
The Pink Ladies don’t want to share any information with the other teams. D.J. is less adamant about not helping others; he says that at this point, he’ll do whatever it takes to win. When (well, if) they get to the final three, then he’ll stop playing nice. The Linz boys tell Megan that she’s officially a Linz brother and will soon receive her… well, family jewels. She’s sarcastically proud. The Bransen girls talk about how Lauren was about to lose her pants at the roadblock. One of the girls wanted to compliment her butt, but refrained since Tammy and Bill were there. Shouldn’t she have refrained because Billy and Carissa were there?
The Weavers are released from time-out and Rachel takes the roadblock. The Pink Ladies decide to stop and ask for directions, trying not to worry that the Paolos will pass them. The Pink Ladies realize that the surf shop is probably closer to the ocean. The Paolos stop and ask for help as well. They’ve managed to find an American, but he’s talking too slowly for D.J.’s tastes. D.J. keeps yelling for Brian to hurry up, as if Brian can make the guy talk any faster. The man says that he thinks the shop is about “dos kilometers” away. All righty then.
Tammy is still looking for the bean. Rachel finds one first. Grrr. The Weavers want to beat the Paolos, because their god says nothing about not holding a grudge. Tammy, who is still very good-natured, finally finds a red bean. She apologizes to her family for taking so long, but Bill tells her it’s okay. Carissa says that it’s too bad the task wasn’t for two people. The Bransens reach the surf shop and the Paolos are impressed that they saw the sign first.
The surf shop clue is for a detour. The two choices are Relic and Ripe. In Relic, teams head to the rainforest (ooh!) and cross six bridges to find four relics, which they will take to an archeologist. In Ripe, teams will take 15 bushels of bananas and move them on tracks with pulleys to a distribution center. The Bransens and Linzes choose Relic while the Paolos choose Ripe. The Gaghans, unfortunately, are lost. They find a man who agrees to come with them to find where they need to go. Bill feels good about this.
The Pink Ladies reach the detour and choose Relic. Back in the van, Sharon gets frustrated because she’s not sure where she’s going and her sisters aren’t being helpful. She finally tells Michelle that if she’s so smart, she can drive. Michelle takes over, and the sisters proceed to keep yelling at Sharon. I’m really waiting for a total team meltdown here. I don’t think it’s that far off.
The Paolos arrive at Ripe. Marion complains that she can’t lift the bushels, but Tony says that if he can, she can. I’m thinking Tony is doing well with the lifting because he lifts stuff this heavy every day. The four Paolos lift a bushel together. What? Teamwork? Did I accidentally change the channel?
In their van, the Bransens are unsure of what a relic is. The Linzes spot the Bransens in front of them. Both teams arrive at Relic and spot a sign that says, “Beware of snakes.” It’s like a metaphor for the whole race!
Megan suggests running across the bridge. That’s what I would probably do to get it over with faster. The Bransen girls tease their father, who’s apparently afraid of heights. It starts raining, which makes sense, since they’re in the rainforest. Sadly, the one time I was in the rainforest (in Bolivia in 1996), it didn’t rain, so I don’t feel I got the full experience. The Weavers reach the surf shop and choose Relic.
The Paolos are working hard on getting the bushels. Tony, who is totally the man this leg, is carrying a bushel by himself. They have eight out of 15. The Bransens worry that crossing the bridges is taking too long. They find a relic. The Linzes manage to get all four relics. The Gaghans find the surf shop and choose Relic. The Paolos finish with the bananas. D.J. says that he admires his father and wouldn’t be able to do what Tony does every day. Okay, in this episode, we had encouragement, compassion, admiration, and helpfulness. And that was all from D.J.! This guy is acting like more of a Christian than the Weavers are!
The Paolos get a clue telling them to travel to the pit stop, which is a beach in Quepos, 20 miles away. It’s gorgeous, and not just because Phil is there. The last team to arrive “may” be eliminated. The Paolos seem to know where they’re going. The Bransens are still working on Relic. They finish as the Pink Ladies arrive. The Linzes are done, too. The Weavers head to Relic. The Pink Ladies get their relics. The Gaghan kids want Bill to drive faster. The Weavers finish as the Gaghans arrive. Of course, it can’t end this easily. It’s also only 9:43, so something has to happen. The rain has stopped, which is nice for the Gaghans. Bill says they won’t give up.
God is apparently as tired of the Weavers as I am, because their van is now stuck in mud. The Gaghans cross a bridge. The Weavers push their van. The Gaghans gather their relics. Bill jokes that he wanted to carry the dog (which is the smallest relic) and Carissa replies that she can’t carry the one he has (which is the largest). The Weavers are getting frustrated and Linda finally says that she can’t do this. Okay, go home! Bye!
The Weaver kids try to encourage Linda. She says that she’s sick of doing stuff that she can’t do. Um, okay. Suddenly the van is free and Linda drives off. Except the kids aren’t inside, so they have to run after it. I kind of wish Linda had kept driving and the kids had been stuck there. And then Phil would come out and tell them they were eliminated. The kids finally reach the van, where Linda is crying and talking about how sick she is of everything. She then asks if the kids are okay. They tell her that they’re not giving up.
The Gaghans finish Relic. Bill says that they can’t let themselves believe that they’re out. Tammy points out that someone could be lost. Actually, the Paolos, Bransens, and Linzes are all a little lost. The Paolos arrive at the parking area, telling the Bransens that they have to go back and park. The Linzes park as well. I’m tired of saying “park.” The three teams run to the pit stop. D.J. is encouraging Marion. No, really. Megan is struggling and her brothers encourage her.
Amazingly, the Paolos hit the mat first for the second week in a row. I still don’t really like them, but they impressed me a lot in this leg. Marion says that she’s done, but her family tells her she’s not. They’re very happy to be in first place and hug each other. They’ve won their choice of a Segway, a Vespa, a jetski, or an ATV for each family member. I would so pick the Segway, if only for the Arrested Development connection.
D.J. says that Marion is doing better than he expected. Tony says that this race is the best thing to ever happen to his family. He gushes about Marion, saying that he doesn’t know what he would do without her. Aww!
The Linzes come in second and the Bransens are third. Nice job by both of those teams. Phil notes that he’s seen the Bransens look cleaner and smell better.
The Pink Ladies spot the parking area and can’t believe that after everything they’ve been through, they’re still in the race. In fact, they’re in fourth place. In the Gaghans’ van, Billy wonders if they’re in last place. Bill says that that’s not important – they just need to race for the finish line. Carissa says, “Winners never quit and quitters never win.” The Gaghans agree that they’re winners, not quitters.
The Weavers can’t get anyone to help them. They and the Gaghans arrive at the parking area and start running for the pit stop. I can’t watch. The Weavers come in fifth. I want to cry. Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me.
The Gaghans are walking and Carissa asks if they can come back to Costa Rica for vacation. Bill says he’d love to. Tammy tells Billy to hold his head high. I can’t watch this. The Gaghans reach the pit stop and, unfortunately, are eliminated. Everyone can go cry now.
Tammy and Bill tell the kids that they did an excellent job. The kids are a little teary but seem okay. If they were bawling, I really would lose it. Everyone is proud of the kids; Phil is, too. He notes that Carissa is the youngest person to ever get this far in the race. Yay, Carissa! He says that the kids will never forget this experience. Bill says that it hurts to see his kids cry over this. He wants them to come away from this always having a sense of optimism and perseverance. No matter what, they should never give up. Not only are these kids terrific, but their parents are, too. I love this family, and I’m so sad to see them go.
Next week: Who cares? The Gaghans are gone. Oh, fine. Tony is possibly going to drown. Wally is frustrated by his daughters
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