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Topic: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4 (Read 382 times)

MK
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The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 6:52am »

Enjoy at your own risk. Tongue

The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4

Phil: Im standing on the top of the worlds largest jar of peanut butter. Why? I dont know, ask the producers. Theyre the ones that come up with this stuff. This isnt even where were starting the race. Hmm, this is weird. Hey, you cameraman why am I up here?

Cameraman: I dont know, ask the producers. Theyre the ones that come up with this stuff.

Phil: Okay. Youre fired.

Cameraman: FREEDOM!

Phil: Anyway, lets go see what nutjobs Im stuck with this season.

Alexis and Shella, girls (duh)

Alexis: People will probably underestimate us because we are girls and blonde and whats that last word?
Shella: I dont know. They arent holding the cue cards high enough.
Alexis: Guys, come on! I have an appointment with my manicurist in an hour and I need to finish this interview as soon as humanly possible, okay?

Martha and Stewart, ex-convicts

Martha: There they go again with those labels! We were not criminals! They must have us confused with someone else!
Stewart: Martha, stop it before they call security again.

Luke and Lois, once dating

Luke: I hope that this race shows Lois how pathetic our relationship was.
Lois: I hope that this race shows Luke that we are meant to be together in the eternal bonds of love.

Jim and Zach, acquaintances who just met five minutes ago

Jim: Um I really dont know who this guy is
Zach: I want my old teammate back!
Jim: Yeah, me too!

Rich and Crystal, multi-billionaire models.

Rich: The only reason were on this show is to show the whole world how much more superior we are to the rest of them.
Crystal: And I married Rich for his money.
Rich: Oh, Crystal, you little charmer you! Lets make out!

Phil: Which one of these five teams will actually manage to do something right and win five dollars and fifty-six cents? Will anyone actually care? And finally, can someone get me down from here?! Oh well, I guess Ill have to get down by myself. Slowly slowly slowleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

LATER

Phil: Im currently in worlds of pain. No, thats not a theme park. Its my current state because Im in the operating theatre at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Now um to get your first clue go and get me a soda. Oh, and make sure its diet. Worlds waiting for you, travel safe, all that jazz, now just go already!

Jim: Hurry, um whats your name?
Zach: Zach.
Jim: Okay, yeah, whatever, lets go.

Rich: Pah, we have all the money in the world and all he thinks to ask for is a pathetic soda.
Crystal: Can I have a new mansion in Paris?
Rich: Anything for my darling! *make-out session*

Luke: Wow, would you look at that. We managed to at least find the soda machine without you messing things up! Now, give me money so that I can buy the soda.

Luke and Lois return first.

Phil: Okay, weird people. Heres your clue.
Phil opens the soda can.
Phil: Ooooh, cherry!

Luke: Make your way to the worlds largest bridge, the I-Cant-Believe-How-Freakin-Bulbous-This-Bridge-Is Bridge in North Dakota.
Lois: Oh boy! Ive heard of that place before.
Luke: No, you havent. Now shut up and get in the car.

Jim and Zach are second.

Jim: Okay, Jack, you drive and Ill try to use this map thing to see if I can figure out which way to go.

Alexis and Shella are third, Rich and Crystal are fourth returning with the soda. Meaning the other team is last (duh again.)

Martha: Finally! Here Phil, we got you a soda.
Phil: Are you sure you got this legally?
Martha: YES! We are not criminals! Why cant these people get that through their thick heads!
Phil: Okay, take the clue! Just dont hurt me, please!!

Lois: Look Luke! A sign! It says, ICBHFBTBI Bridge, This Way.
Luke: I saw that hours ago.
Lois: Weve only been driving for like forty minutes.
Luke: There you go again! Just shut up and let me drive you MORON!

Zach: Hey a sign!
Jim: A bunch of letters Bridge, This Way!
Zach: Lets scamper!
Jim: ... Lets scamper?
Zach: Um... forget I said that. It has no relation whatsoever to any near-fatal trauma I may or may not have experienced in my childhood.
Jim: Oh good. Because for a moment there, I thought just the opposite.

Rich: Look up there Crystal! Its the Blondes!
Crystal: Buy me a jet.
Rich: Yes, my princess!

Alexis: So how are we doing?
Shella: Pretty good oops, spoke to soon.
Alexis: What happened?
Shella: I broke my mirror.
Alexis: Oh well, those things happen.
Shella: I hope we dont have bad luck now.
Alexis: Oh Shella! Of course nothing bad will happen, even though I know that this conversation will probably be cruelly twisted by the editors to make it seem like whenever something bad happens it is all because you broke some stupid mirror.
Shella: Alexis could you repeat all of that?

Luke and Lois are the first to reach the bridge thing.

Luke: Its a Detour. Salmonella or Bubonic Plague.
Phil: A detour is a choice between. Ahh, you know what it is.
Lois: I say we do Salmonella.
Luke: Okay. Were doing the other one.

Jim and Zach were next to the clue.

Zach: Um. Uh
Jim: Is this a Roadblock or a
Zach: I think its a Detour. Did you check the cover thing?
Jim: Yeah, its got the uh, arrows on it.
Zach: Well, so we do both? Or we pick one?
Jim: You know Im not sure

Martha and Stewart were next to arrive.

Martha: Salmonella or Bubonic Plague.
Stewart: Im allergic to Salmonella. Its gotta be Bubonic Plague.
Martha: Okay go to the Bubonic Plague Monument in Paris, France. Once there, jump up and down five times to receive your next clue.
Stewart: Lets go!

Jim: You know what, they chose Bubonic Plague, so lets go with Salmonella.
Zack: Okay, Kim. *reads instructions* Go to the zoo and hug a dolphin. Once done, you will receive your next clue.
Jim: Dude, thats not what the clue says.
Zack: Sorry. Its just always been my dream to hug a dolphin *cries*
Jim: Aw, there, there Mac.

Alexis: Oh look a detour. *reads options* My brothers stage name is Salmonella, so I have to pick that one.
Shella: Okay, lets read what it says. Go to this farm in France. Once there, cook five eggs to receive your next clue.
Alexis: Ah! Were going to France, home of the CN Tower!

Rich: Were last.
Crystal: Rich, you choose.
Rich: Well do this Bubonic Plague one.
Crystal: Oh, Rich, I love it when you talk that way, with your bad decisive self! *giggles seductively*

All the teams are now going to France. Unfortunately, none of the teams has a clue.

Alexis: *trips and stays on the ground for several minutes* OW! I fell.
Shella: No way! Alexis, that is like soooo bad! *freaks out* Come on, girl, fight through it because we need to go!

Martha and Stewart were the first to the Bubonic Plague detour.
Martha: Okay lets do it.
*They jump up and down five times*
Martha: Give us our clue now.
Person: *glares at them and slows hands them their clue* Im watching you two.
Martha: Whatever. Just give it to us.
Stewart: Race to the PIT STOP! Travel to Antarctica and search for Phil on the mat.

Rich: Were here!
*Rich jumps up and down five times. Crystal jumps once*
Crystal: *cries* Honey I cant handle this the strenuous effort Im quitting.
Rich: Okay. We had a good run. *they hug*

Jim: Okay, we need to cook five eggs.
Zack: Do you know how to cook eggs?
Jim: Nope, you?
Zack: No.
Jim: Were screwed.

Shella *is standing in the bathroom*: Were really having a hard time cooking these eggs, because Alexis fell
Alexis: *Breathes deeply*
Shella *cracks an egg and drops it in the toilet*: Its really hurting our ability to, you know, cook our eggs to the best of our ability were seriously being underestimated right now and it SUCKS.
Alexis: *through tears* Im trying but this is just so hard its just its not working
Shella *flushes*: Thats one down, four more to go. Keep it up, girl, we can do this.

Luke: Okay, Lois. Jump.
Lois: *jumps*
Luke: JUMP LOIS JUMP! JUMP FASTER YOU LAZY SLUG!
Lois: *jumps five times* Your turn, darling.
Luke: LOIS STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!!
Lois: I am so sorry I offended you! *cries*
Cameraman: Why does everyone cry on this race?!

In Antartica.

Phil is standing on the mat flanked by twenty penguins.

Martha: YAY!
Stewart: YAY!

Phil: Martha and Stewart. You are the first team to arrive. However, we have just received a warrant for your arrest and you will receive a ten to twenty year time penalty.
Martha: What? We didnt do anything!
Penguin 5: Thats what they all say!
Penguin 14: Take her away boys.
Penguin 2: *jumps on them*

Luke and Lois are the next to arrive.

Phil: Luke and Lois. You are the first team to cross the finish line and not get arrested. Therefore, you are the official winners of the UN-Amazing Race and win five dollars and fifty-six cents. Go knock yourselves out. *yawns and walks off*

Luke: Im so proud of myself for winning.
Lois: Im just so giddy when I think about what Ill do with the 1% of my winnings. But most importantly, Im glad we still love each other.
Luke: Lois, take that 1% of your winnings and go get therapy. Please.

Jim and Zach are second to the pit stop.

Jim: Hey whered Phil go?
Zach: I dont know.
Jim: Oh well. Since I hauled my ring all the way over here, I guess now would be a good time to propose then.
Zach: Huh?
Jim: Look. I was supposed to on here with my fiancée, I lugged this ring all the way over here, and I am not leaving until I propose to SOMEBODY. Got it?
Zach: Um okay.
Jim: Vanessa will you marry me?
Zach: Okay, yeah, whatever.
Jim: *hugs*
Zach: Are we done here?
Jim: Yeah, we can go. I just need to call Vanessa and tell her Im getting married.
Zach: Okay, you do that. * goes back to his house*
Jim: Vanessa?
Vanessa: Hi Jim.
Jim: I have some exciting news sweetie!
Vanessa: Yes?
Jim: Since you didnt come on the Race with me, I just proposed to a guy.
Vanessa: *hangs up*

Alexis and Shella check in five years later.

Alexis: Yay we did it! We crossed the mat!
Shella: Whoo! Manicures here we come! Are there any beauty parlors in the arctic?
Alexis: I dont know. They got to at least have a smoothie store around here or something and oh, look Shella! Take a picture of me with the walrus!
Shella: This is just too cute! *snaps picture*

*END*

« Last Edit: Jan 26^th, 2007, 6:57am by MK »

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Joab
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #1 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 6:58am »

THIS IS THE BEST AMAZING RACE SUMMARY I'VE EVER READ.

:laff:

IT'S ABSOLUTELY HEHEHELARIOUS.

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Elizabeth
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #2 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 7:13am »

LOL
This is sooo funny!!

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jvjkj
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #3 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 11:55am »

LOl you have to do a sequel!!
Whatever happened to that race where we made teams?I do want to see what happened to my Whomi & Walter lol.

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jvjkj
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #4 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 11:57am »

OMG I just found it and I am so sorry to see them in 12th/last place!I would have participated if I knew it existed in "New Amaazing Race" I must have forgot about it!Do a sequel they need to have a second chance!LOL!

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MK
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #5 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 6:07pm »

This actually is a sequel to the Un-Amazing Race 1 1/2.

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FunnyBunny
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #6 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 6:27pm »

hehe

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Dustin&Kandice
Charla&Mirna

Alexander
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #7 on: Jan 26^th, 2007, 10:41pm »

I loved it! Its hillarious, I loved the girls and the convicts!

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My TOP 7 teams:
1.The Weavers!
2. Charla & Mirna
3. Aaron & Arianne
4. Meredith & Gretchen
5. Brian & Greg
6. Peggy & Claire
7. Paul & Amie

JP
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Re: The Un-Amazing Race 2 3/4
« Reply #8 on: Jan 27^th, 2007, 9:51am »

MK, you did it once again!!!!!!!!1 :rofl:

This was so funny, I was trying hard not to laugh here at the office! You know how hard it is to stifle a laugh??! I'm getting teary eyed here ya know! Put a warning next time, like "not safe for work" or something.

LOL

:laff:

« Last Edit: Jan 27^th, 2007, 9:52am by JP »

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